


A Warrior and his Rogue

by Sugarbubbleslove



Series: The Troubles that Follow [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Implied Sexual Themes, POV Alternating, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-14 16:30:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 66,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1273312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugarbubbleslove/pseuds/Sugarbubbleslove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is the middle of the Blight, they are messed up in their own ways, yet they can still find love with the other.</p><p>Chapter 10b: The Light is the Brightest: It was a risk, it may not work but she needed the chance, just so she could live her life with him</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1- A Dream Within The Fade

Title: A Warrior and his Rogue

Characters: Alistair Guerrin-Therin, Elissa Cousland

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland

Rating: Teen to High Adult

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone/anything from the forum Dragon Age. Bioware owns Dragon Age and its characters. There is no copyright infringement intended. I do not make any profit/money or take any credit.

Summary: It is the middle of the Blight, they are messed up in their own ways, yet they can still find love with the other.

Timeline: Throughout DA: O(including DLCs)

Warning: Angst, Romance, Violence, Implied Sexual Themes, Dominance, Friendship, Comfort, AU, Pre-Game, In Game, Post Game

Author's Notes: These were originally going to be part of 'Of Warriors and Rogues' collection but I ended up expanding on this line of thought and I thought it was safer to put them under one title rather than spreading it out.

**Title: A Dream within the Fade**

**Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland (Human Noble)**

**Rating: Teen**

**Summary: She sees how happy he is, and it makes her heart heavy with sadness for what she must do**

**Timeline: During the Fade**

**Warnings: slight violence, angst**

A Dream within the Fade

She hated the Fade, absolutely hated it. It was a never-ending maze and she just wanted to find her companions, her friends, and be done with the whole thing already.

Not to mention she wanted to get away from the dream she had been trapped within. The demon knew what buttons to press and she had been tempted to stay there - with her family - but there had been a nagging feeling that something was missing.

Now, she was walking through the never-ending hazy winding road and she missed hearing her friends banter. She never knew how much it comforted her.

In addition, battling enemies by her lonesome was not easy. It was so strange going into battle and not having Alistair at her back. Since they left Lothering, they have not been away from the other for any length of time. He was always the one at her back when they were fighting and the one standing next to her when she had to make a choice, silently giving her the courage she needed.

Damon, her Mabari, would already be charging ahead taking down the enemies. He would disable them and the others would finish them off.

Her fingers twitched reflexively at the memories of her dog licking her fingers whenever she needed comfort or assurance that he was there. He had been her main source of comfort since she fled her family home.

She shook herself free of her thoughts. Now was not the time to daydream, she needed to focus. She needed to find a way to her friends. She thought back to what the mage, Niall, had said.

Each path led the way to a small island where each of her companions was stuck in a dream of the demon's making. So…all she had to do was keep going forward until she reached them. With renewed energy, she unsheathed her daggers and stalked forward.

If Alistair did not mind, _she_ was going to be the one to behead the Demon who got them into this bloody Fade.

~_ADWTF_~

She appeared onto an island, looking around, sighing with relief. It must be one of the islands the Demon created to trap her friends. She wondered which one she finally managed to reach when she heard familiar laugher.

Her heart leaping, she hurried over to the clearing at the end of the path before she spotted him. He was standing in the garden, in front of a nice house, dressed in comfortable clothing, instead of his grey-warden armour, and he looked so much at ease.

"Alistair," she let out a sigh of relief. "Thank the Maker," she jogged over to him only to stop when she spotted the unfamiliar woman next to him. The two of them were conversing animatedly while there were three young kids running about in the garden.

Two boys and a girl, she noted. They were shouting about Griffons and Grey-Wardens, Darkspawns and Kings.

Watching them a moment longer, she realised they were playing a game and she flashed back to Oren, her nephew. He would look up at her with those bright green eyes, begging for another story or laughing as he squirmed away from her tickling fingers.

The image stole her breath away and she shook it off. Now was not the time to remember her family, or mourn them. What was important was getting to Alistair before he was lost to this dream.

However, each step closer she took, she saw how… _happy_ he looked. He never looked like when they were in the camp, always staring into the fire. She had wondered if he was thinking about the loss of the Grey Wardens, the people who had become like a family to him.

Soon she came to a stop next the gate that opened up to the pathway where Alistair and the woman were standing.

"Alistair," she called out. Alistair turned, brightening when he saw her. She moved closer to them.

"Elissa!" he sounded so joyful, it made her heart clench. She looked at the other woman, who smiled serenely in her direction. "It's great to see you again! I was just thinking about you," he gave her a wry smile. "Isn't that a marvellous coincidence?" He seemed to remember himself for a moment, his cheeks blushing. "This is my sister, Goldanna."

Elissa looked at the other woman once more in shock. Sister? He had never once mentioned a sister to her and she wondered if this was real or something he desired, a family. "These are her children," He gestured to the children still running about in the garden, taking no notice of the adults. He looked back at her once more and she felt tightness around her heart.

"You seem…happy," she reluctantly noticed.

"I am," he agreed. "I'm happier than I've been my entire life." He gave her a bemused grin. "Isn't that strange? I thought being a Grey Warden would make me happy, but it did not. This does."

"I am so overjoyed to have my little brother back. I'll never let him out of my sight again!" Goldanna chimed in with a laugh.

Elissa wanted to say something, anything to break him out of his dream but one look at happiness; she found it hard to say anything. She wondered if it was fair for her to break him out of his dream, especially when he looked so happy and at peace.

She remembered how hard it had been for her, surrounded by her family once more. It had felt so real that she could have almost believed that it was real, that their deaths had just been a nightmare.

Nevertheless, there had been something missing, and that had helped her to break free of the illusion she had been in.

"Elissa?" she saw him looking at her with concern on his face. She tried to muster up a smile but she failed, she could see it on his face. He stepped closer to her.

"Is your friend staying for dinner?" Goldanna's voice cut in and both of them looked at her. Alistair in surprised, while Elissa had noticed the possessiveness in the other woman's voice. A strange haze seemed to surround Alistair for a moment before he turned to Elissa.

"Say you will stay," he told her, seemly forgetting what he had been about to say. "Goldanna makes a really good hot-pie." Goldanna chuckled.

"Anything you wish little brother." The haze around Alistair seemed to tighten and it resolved her courage.

"I can't stay," Elissa softly admitted, looking up at Alistair, who looked disappointed. She felt even worse for what she was about to do. "But neither can you, Alistair."

Alistair frowned while a hissing sound came from Goldanna as she stepped forward.

"What are you talking about?" he asked Elissa.

"Dinner time, Alistair," Goldanna cut in sharply. Alistair went to look at his sister but Elissa got there first, placing a hand on his elbow and he refocused his gaze on her.

"Alistair," she bit her bottom lip.

"You are not making any sense," he told her, shaking his head and she took a deep breath.

"Please," she stepped in closer. "Please think about how we got here."

He frowned again before giving her a nod.

"Alright, if it will make you happy," he told her, his voice soft.

"Yes, it would," she assured him softly, while everything inside of her screamed at him to stop thinking, just to go with the dream but she refrained. She was being selfish but she could not help it.

"It's…fuzzy," he thought back as he tried to remember. "That's strange."

"Alistair, come and have some tea," Goldanna tried to interrupt again but this time Alistair wasn't so easily deterred, giving his sister a short head-shake.

"No, I-I think I remember? The tower? We were at the Circle," he slowly remembered. "It was under attack?"

"Yes," Elissa confirmed. Alistair shook his head, obviously having a hard time believing it.

"Wait – is this even real?" he demanded, his brown eyes flaring. The haze around him started to crack, his normal clothes turning back to his Grey Warden outfits.

A sure sign he was breaking out of the dream.

"Of course it's real!" Goldanna near shrieked at him, causing the two of them to look at her. "Now wash up before supper-" But Alistair dismissed her, turning back to Elissa.

"The Demon," he blurted out. "Is this the…Fade?" he asked before he shook his head, a hand coming up to his forehead. "I don't feel so good, I think I should leave."

Elissa took a step back, giving him space and a short nod of agreement.

"Maybe it will help clear your head up," she suggested and he gave her a small smile before he started to walk away when Goldanna lost the last control over her temper.

" **No!** " she screamed and both of them spun around to watch her normal features twist and consort.

"Maker's breath!" whispered Alistair as he watched the children's form twist and change shape.

"He is ours," she hissed, growing in size, "and I'd rather see him dead than free!" she morphed into a demon, along with her three 'children'.

Both Elissa and Alistair unsheathed their weapons and twisting so they were back to back with the demons circling them.

For the first time since she entered the Fade, she felt safe. She knew it was because Alistair had her back, they were both protecting the other rather than her being alone. They had sparred together, learned the other's moves and used it against those who fought them.

She dived forward, driving her daggers into the side of the demon before jumping backward as the demon swiped a large claw at her.

Alistair was there in front of her, his shield blocking the attack before slamming his shield into the demon, rocking her backward then thrusting his sword forward, embedding it deep into the demon's stomach.

She ran around, backstabbing the demon, holding it place for Alistair to pull his sword free and swing it, beheading the demon.

The demon died with an unearthly shriek, the other demons cried out before they exploded in a shower of black blood.

The scene shifted, revealing they were standing on a small island. Elissa looked around, wondering once more how it could look so different when it was someone's dream.

"How did I not see this?" he asked, looking around with fresh eyes. It had been the same for her, killing the demons had brought her to the 'reality' of the Fade and it had been disturbing.

"It is the Fade," she reminded him softly, her eyes going to the dark shapes she could make out further away. "It does things to your head."

He gave a chuckle born out of embarrassment as he turned to look at her and she felt her cheeks heat up when he rubbed the back of his head while giving her a bashful look.

"Let's not tell anyone how easily I was fooled, yeah?" he asked, giving her that smile he always gave her and her heart skipped a beat.

"Okay," she agreed, giving him a small smile as his hand dropped to his side and he looked off to the side.

"Still, I should have known it wasn't real," he said, mostly to himself. Tears pricked the back of her eyes when she saw the look on his face, the same look that he wore when he looked into the fire, and she blinked to keep them from falling but she failed as a tear slipped free, running down her cheek and his look turn to one of concern.

"Elissa?" he asked, his hand going to her elbow.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. He frowned. She leaned up and softly pressed her lips to his. He froze under her touch and she felt her broken heart crack a little bit more.

Pulling away, she looked up at him only for Alistair to lean in, pulling her close by her elbow and he kissed her.

Her eyes fluttered shut and she let herself go. Alistair's free hand rested on her hip and her hands went to his shoulders. He kissed her softly, almost hesitantly at first, before he gained the confidence and kissed her harder.

His hand, on her hip, slid around to the small of her back, pulling her further into his body while her arms slipped around his neck. His hand, that was still cupping her elbow, slid up her arm and into her bun, his fingers digging into her dark locks.

One of her hands slid into his dark blonde hair, her other hand sliding over his shoulders as she pressed herself up on tip-toes. He slid his hand fully over her waist, banding his arm and pulling her in closer.

It was surreal; they were having their first kiss within the Fade, she was having her first kiss with Alistair, a man she was slowly coming to care for. He was slowly worming his way into her heart and it scared her, but the thought of losing him scared her more.

As if sensing her thoughts, his kisses turned gentle, softer, before they parted to breathe, his forehead resting against hers as she fought to get her heart back under control when he dipped his head down once more and gave her a soft kiss.

She gasped into his mouth, her breath taken away at the sweetness of it and tears pricked the back of her eyes once more. Who knew Alistair had a romantic side to him?

"Elissa," he breathed against her lips and she shivered only to frown when she suddenly felt cold. Looking up, she saw Alistair was fading. "What's…what's happening to me?" he looked at his hands, which were beginning to turn transparent.

"Alistair…" but his eyes widened as he took a step back.

"NO! Let me go!" he shouted but it was too late. She reached out to grab his hand only her hand to pass right through him and he disappeared before her eyes.

Swallowing back a gasp, she looked around only to see the pedestal was glowing once more and gritted her teeth.

She, apparently, was not finished with the Fade, not by a long shot.

~_ADWTF_~

She awoke with a gasp, her eyes snapping open to see the familiar ceiling of the tower they were currently trying to save.

"Elissa," she turned her head to see Alistair propping himself up on an elbow, a hand reaching out to touch her hip. "You okay?" his eyes scanned her body for any injuries.

"I'm fine," she assured him, her hand touching his upper arm, feeling a little drained. She wondered if it was normal since their life force had been the one powering the Demon. "You?" she checked his body.

"Yeah," he agreed softly, watching her with those brown eyes that seemed soft. For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her but Damon's barks broke them out of their stare.

They turned to see Damon was sitting next to them, his tongue lolling while Wynne and Sten were slowly wakening from their sleep.

"My thanks," Sten told her, his voice low and she gave him a nod in return, understanding.

"The Demon is gone, right?" Alistair as he got to his feet, helping Elissa as he did.

"Yes," Wynne got to her feet, her hand gesturing to the slain Demon, lying nearby. It was funny how different it looked from the Fade. Looking closer revealed that the Demon had possessed a human body, obviously with the intent on corrupting the tower.

"We should find this _Litany of Adralla_ if we wish to proceed," Sten reminded, focused as ever.

"Yes," Elissa snapped to attention, looking in the direction of the young man who had helped them out only to stop short when she discovered that Niall had been right all along, it had been too late to save him.

"He was right, he _had_ been dying," Elissa whispered as she knelt down to the still body of Niall.

"At least he died honourably," the motherly mage told her. "I will tell the Knight-Commander of his bravery. He will use that to encourage the mages to fight against demons and blood magic."

"Still," Elissa reached out, her brushing over his eyes to seal them shut and picked up the _Litany of Adralla_ , "he should have been given a chance."

"That is the cost of demons and blood magic," Wynne told her, placing a hand on her shoulder and Elissa looked up at the older woman. "Those who make the deals are never enough of a payment. Those around them are also the ones to pay the price."

They stayed silent, each one offering the young man a prayer before Elissa straightened up, placing the Litany in her pack.

"We should get a move on. No doubt we have little time left thanks to the Demon," Elissa told them and got nods in return. Sten and Wynne went ahead with Damon following them.

Elissa was about to do the same when she was stopped by Alistair.

"Hey," he gently grasped her elbow, spinning her around to face him and she looked up into his dark eyes. He tilted his head quizzical and she felt her heart race. Did he remember?

"Did…" he trailed off, his eyes going hazy before they refocused on hers, "Did anything happen in the Fade?"

"What do you mean?" she asked; her voice carefully calm.

"I…I just-," he huffed out a frustrated sigh, running his free hand through his hair. "I just get this feeling that I'm missing something. Almost like…I forgot something."

He did not remember.

It should not have hurt but it did, sending stinging pain through her chest as she forced a smile onto her lips, shaking her head.

"I cannot think of what you mean," she lied. It sounded sweet but it tasted sour. "I just helped break you free," she choked on the last word, shaking herself when she caught Alistair's concerned look, "of your dream."

"Yeah, I remember that," he pointed out. "But I just…" he sighed once more. "You know what, forget it," he told her, finally letting her go and stepping backward.

It was strange that she suddenly felt cold and groundless, like Alistair was a rock that she could lean against, a comfort that she once thought she would not need.

She briefly wondered for a moment if this was what her brother had spoken of when he told her that one day she would find a man who would be able to handle her.

"We have a mission to do, right?" his voice broke into her thoughts and she looked up at him, smiling.

"Yes, we have a mission to do," she agreed. He gave her a sharp nod then set off, walking over to where Sten, Wynne and Damon waited for them.

She watched him go before her gaze fell to the ground and bit her bottom lip.

This was her secret, hers and hers alone. She would bear that burden, Maker forgive her.

The End (maybe?)

Yes, erm…angsty (Could this be considered as one-sided? I never know how I write these things and not know what-the-heck I am doing!)


	2. A Rose for a Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows he is missing something important, and that rose will help him

Title: A Rose for a Memory

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland

Rating: Teen

Summary: He knows he is missing something important, and that rose will help him

Timeline: Origins – Follows on from 'A Dream within the Fade'

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Comfort

A Rose for a Memory

He watched her from across the fire. He found he was doing that more often now, just surveying her profile from afar.

She was sitting cross-legged on the mat, in front of her tent, leafing through one of the books she had discovered during their travels.

Her black hair was still up in its bun, stray strands framed her face and a pang hit his heart. He absently-minded rubbed it away, a slight frown creasing his forehead. It was happening more frequently.

Especially when he tried to recover his memories behind the haze that he had acquired after they left the Fade. He knew it was important, but he didn't understand how he knew or why.

Then there was the way she looked at him, with those blue eyes and soft-looking pink lips parting, almost as if she was going to say something only for her eyes to darken and lips to press together.

She would turn away, sadness and resignation lingering in the air between them and he just didn't understand what he was missing. Only the ache would settle deep in his heart.

He thought they were close; they fought well together, planned together. They could talk about anything but whenever the mood changed – almost crackling between them – the moment he thinks he could confess…

She would take a step back and he got the feeling that he was losing her. That she was slipping through his fingers. She would shy away from him, giving him any excuse just to get away from his presence.

Now, he knew that he could be an idiot, a fact Morrigan would so heartily agree with him; he was not stupid. He could see she at least return some feelings for him.

Even Zevran had made comments on how he caught Elissa staring at the warrior – and as far as he could tell, the elf did not lie about things like that, even just to tease him.

Beside, Leliana and Wynne had made similar comments, Leliana followed by soft sighs and wistful looks, while Wynne was reproachful, almost judgemental.

Therefore, this led him to believe that those hazy memories held the key to solving this little mind driving crazy puzzle.

However, how could one recover memories when the other person insisted that there was nothing to remember?

She looked up at him that moment, locking eyes with him and a shy smile crossed those lips. He returned the smile, his little puzzle forgotten for the moment as he drank in the sight of her looking relaxed and glowing from the fire.

The Blight surrounded them, the darkness closing in each day and they were both messed up, her from her family's slaughter at the hand of someone they considered as ally and friend. Him from the loss of his mentor and friends, the Grey Wardens – the one place he had considered as home was lost to him.

However, they had found each other.

The moment was shattered as her smile faded, her eyes turning dark and she returned to the book settled on her lap. He sighed, wondering how he could reach her.

He wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her cheek, to tell her that everything would be okay. Nevertheless, he did not. Something was holding him back, and it frustrated him.

"I'm heading to sleep," Elissa stood up, getting everyone's attention. "Wake me when it's my shift."

They all bade her good night as she lifted the flap to her tent. She stopped, looking over her shoulder at him. She gave him a soft smile and a brief nod before ducking in, her Mabari following her faithfully.

He had never felt this confused and twisted over a girl before and he could not believe it would happen in the middle of the bleeding Blight.

His luck. He really should have considered that it would have happened. He had never been the luckiest child, really.

His jaw set as he stared at the flap to her tent. He was going to find out what that hazy memory contained, and there was nothing she could do to stop him.

~_ARFAM_~

He considered asking Wynne for advice but thought against it. Despite the fact he was growing closer to the elderly woman, she had expressed misgivings regarding his and Elissa's close friendship and he didn't want to fall out with the woman just because she was reminding him of those who refused to let him make his choices.

Leliana would have been the safer choice, he could hazard a guess what the other members of their misfit gang would have said – some of them made him shudder with fear or embarrassment – but she was close to Elissa and he did not think he could trust her not to spoil his intentions by accident.

Therefore, he fell back on his lessons on how to calm the mind, to find that inner peace that may allow him to access his memories.

It was worth a try and he was in the perfect spot, sitting beside the river. Damon, Elissa's hound was lying near the riverbed, just watching the fishes swim near the edge.

It was now or never. It was rare for them to get a break as they did now so mind made up, he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath then exhaled slowly.

A few more led to his shoulders relaxing, the muscles unknotting and the world faded away, leaving him alone in the vastness of his mind.

A thought that made him inwardly snicker, Morrigan's predictable remark already ringing through his head if she ever discovered that.

Focusing, he looked around to see the hazy mist and he knew that somewhere deep in there was the memory that contained the answer to the question he desperately sought.

Nevertheless, at the same time, it was a comforting place. He was safe here; nothing could harm him. He had learned this trick from the hound master when he had made to stay in the stable shortly after Arl Eamon had married his young wife.

It had served to help him on many occasions, especially when he had been sent to the Chantry to undergo training to become a Templar.

Inner peace and calmness of the mind were qualities a Templar needed in order to use their abilities in disrupting the Mages' display of powers.

It was also a place he could go whenever he felt alone and unwanted, cast aside by those who were supposed to care for him, by those he considered as family.

Shaking his thoughts aside, he focused on the memories he needed, the ones when he had been in the Fade.

The scene around him shifted, revealing the tower and he walked forward. Each moment flashed by him, fighting side-by-side with Elissa, coming face to face with the Demon.

The Demon tempting them with his voice, lulling them toward sleep as he convinced them that they were tired, that fighting was not needed. It had been a battle to fight against it and it had been a battle he had lost.

He remembered waking up in bed, to see his sister standing above him with an amused smile as she told him to get up and help her make breakfast.

Shuddering, he skipped past those memories until Elissa turned up. There – that is where it started to get hazy.

It was strange, he could remember Elissa pleading with him to remember how they got there, his sister and children revealing they had been demons in disguise in a bid to trap him within the fade forever.

However, it was that moment after the battle and showing up with the others to help Elissa fight against the Demon that had been missing and he wondered why.

As far as he knew, the others did not have any missing memories so – why him? What was so important that he needed to forget it?

He moved closer to the memory only for it turn hazier and he gritted his teeth, taking a step back and closing his eyes. He needed to calm down. A pang of frustration welled up in him and he could not allow it to take over.

Once he felt the frustration ebb away, he opened his eyes once more to see the memory had become clearer and he felt jubilant. There was still a chance he would walk away with the memory.

Stepping closer, he gently reached his hand out, allowing it to pass through the memory and closed his eyes as the mist flowed toward him. Maybe he would finally get his answer.

"Alistair?" he heard Elissa's voice and opened his eyes to meet her concerned light blue ones, watching him with concern. She had a hand on his shoulder.

Her dark hair was loose, freed from its bun, and framing her face. Her lips were pink, looking so kissable that he had to refrain himself from tilting his head and just kissing her.

"Elissa," Her name tumbled from his lips almost prayer-like and she bit her bottom lip.

"Are you okay?" she finally asked. "Wynne had been trying to get your attention."

Brought back to reality, he lifted his eyes toward the sky to see it had darkened, indicating that it was closer to afternoon, he had been out for most the day. He brought his eyes down to meet hers once more.

"Yes, I'm sorry," he pushed himself to his feet, feeling the loss of her heat when her hand slipped from his shoulder and down to her side.

Damon was sitting at her side, faithfully, and Alistair noticed he was unusually solemn. Perhaps he sensed the mood.

He looked back at Elissa. "I was mediating."

"It's no bother Alistair," he really liked the way she said his name. "I think Wynne was more worried about you missing out on dinner." She gave him an amused smile and he grinned back.

"Well, I certainly would have been upset to have missed a delicious meal from our favourite healer." She laughed and it warmed him to his bones.

It had been so long since he last heard her laugh, almost free from her past and worries. Just for that moment, she was a normal girl without a dark past that threatened to haunt her dreams.

Nevertheless, it was gone in a blink and she returned, eyeing him with curious concern.

"Is everything okay?"

_No_

"Yes," he lied, giving her an easy smile while wondering how it suddenly became easy to like to her. She was silent for the moment, just watching him before she nodded.

"Okay, I'll see you back at the camp," she took a step back. "Do you wish to keep Damon a little while longer?"

_Yes_

"No," he looked at her dog looking back and forth between them and he wondered why he had lied. If she had a problem with Damon staying with him, she would not have asked him, she would have just called her dog to her.

However, looking at her told him the reason why he had lied.

Relief. It showed in her face and posture. She had never been away from her dog for any length of time. He was always a constant companion, Alistair a close second.

As much he wanted to talk to her dog, to get his thoughts in order, she needed him more and Alistair could not deny her that.

She gave him a short nod, beckoning her dog to her. Damon looked at him with dark eyes, and for a moment, Alistair was convinced the dog knew he had lied. Irrational he knew, but that was how he felt. Damon conceded and licked Alistair's fingers before following his mistress back to the camp.

Alistair watched her retreating figure, the smile falling from his face. There she goes, the woman who kissed him.

He groaned, his hands coming up his face and he scrubbed roughly before his hands dropped, slapping the side of his thighs hard as he looked at the sky.

He remembered everything, and he was an idiot.

~_ARFAM_~

He watched her from across the fire once more, this time no longer missing his memories. It was enough to make him want to punch something, namely himself, for forgetting the memories in the first place.

Now her strange actions made sense. How she could be happy and smiling at him one moment, sad and distant the next.

She remembered their kiss but had to live with the knowledge that he did not.

He closed his eyes, bowing his head. He felt angry, so angry. He was angry that he forgot the kiss – how could he have forgotten it? Angry that she remembered, angry that she hid it from him, angry that she felt she had to hide it from.

The last thought sent a pang through his heart, this time he now understood it. He thought they trusted each other, especially after their argument when he reluctantly revealed that he was the bastard son of Maric, the former King and the half-brother to Calian, their late King.

And damn him if he did not just fall a little bit more in love with her.

She had kept it to herself, not saying a word. That was her tactic, take everything, bottle up and move forward without saying a thing.

He briefly wondered if she confessed everything to Damon in her tent, away from prying ears, secure in the knowledge that her dog would not betray her.

But nothing stopped the memories from replaying repeatedly in his head.

Her blue eyes staring up him, shiny with unshed tears, lone tear trickling free before she kissed him.

He had frozen, unable to believe that the woman he was developing feelings for had just kissed him.

It was over almost as it started and seeing that – _disappointed_ – look on her face snapped him into his action and he kissed her.

He remembered what it felt like to have her in his arms, pressed up against him. To have those kissable lips, the ones he was always watching, caressing his. To finally know if those tempting black locks were as soft as they looked.

He came back to reality and looked at her again only to see him watching him across the fire. Their eyes met and he wondered if she could see his thoughts in his eyes.

She gave him an uncertain smile and he wanted to return it, to assure that her everything was okay, but found that he could not.

Because it was not okay, not by a long shot. In addition, he did not know what to say or do to make it better.

The smile fade from her face, a brief flash of hurt, uncertainty, and _fear_ , crossed her face, before she got up and bade everyone a good night as she headed toward her tent.

She stopped for a brief moment before shaking her head and disappeared under the flap – all without looking back at him.

It hurt him more than it should have. That was the first time, since they started traveling together, that she had not looked at him before heading into her tent and he sighed, shaking his head.

A soft whine caused him to look down to see Damon had not followed Elissa into her tent; instead, he had made his place at Alistair's feet, looking up at him with soulful dark eyes.

"Hey boy," he greeted, scratching the hound's head. Damon turned, licking Alistair's fingers before staring at him and Alistair grinned.

"I'm an idiot, huh?"

A bark of agreement followed and he wondered what he could do to fix the chasm between him and Elissa when he caught sight of his bag. This time, a new memory appeared and he smiled softly.

He wondered if she would be up for an exchange.

~_ARFAM_~

He nervously paced the clearing next to the river, the same spot he where he had mediated in order to get his memory back when he heard rustling and turned to see Damon was leading Elissa.

He let out a sigh of relief that Damon had managed to get Elissa out of her tent. He did not want to have this conversation in front of everyone else. He did not need that on top of what he had to say.

"Alistair?" She came to a stop in front of him before she looked at her dog then looked back at him, understanding dawning on her. "You're the reason why Damon dragged me from my bed?" He gave her a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his neck and saw her flush.

"Yeah, I needed to talk to you but I didn't want to do with an audience and you know if I were to enter your tent, the others would be hanging around the flap trying to listen in." She laughed as Damon wandered over to the riverbed, giving the space they needed and he was grateful toward the mutt.

"So," he looked at her as she calmed down from her laugher. "What was so important that we needed to come all the way out here?" she asked, her hands gesturing to their surroundings.

Alistair's nervousness came back before he swallowed and inwardly chastised himself. He took a deep breath and pulled the rose from behind him, holding it up between them.

She looked at it before looking at him.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked. She quirked that eyebrow, a smile of amusement playing on her lips and he wanted to hit himself on the head.

_Yes, Alistair, she knew what a rose was_.

"Is this a trick question?" she asked, a teasing smile playing on those lips. He could play with that.

"Yes, absolutely," he confirmed, her smile broadened. "I'm trying to trick you. Is it working? Aw, I just about had you, didn't I?" she laughed, her eyes sparkling.

"Oh yes, you're wily," she teased back and took the rose into her hands. Her smile turned fond as she looked at him once more. "You've been thumbing this for a while." He blushed as he realised he had been caught out.

"Yeah," he confessed. "I picked it up in Lothering," he shrugged. "I remember thinking _'how could something so beautiful exist in a place where there was so much despair and ugliness?'_ " he sighed. "I know I probably should have just left it alone, but I couldn't. The Darkspawns would come and their taint would destroy it. So I've had it with me ever since."

"It is beautiful," she agreed, softly touching the petals.

"I thought I should give it to you," he locked eyes with hers, "Since I think the same way about you whenever I look at you." She blushed.

"Alistair," he took a step closer to her, his hands going to her arms and she looked up at him, startled by his sudden nearness.

"I remember," she paled. "And I am so sorry that I forgot." She swallowed, her lips parting for a moment before she bit down on her lower lip, her eyes turning teary.

"Alistair," she tried again, shaking her head as she looked down at the rose. He released one arm to cup her chin, tilting her face back up to his. A tear slipped free and he wiped it away with his thumb.

"I'm an idiot," that got a breathless laugher as more tears trickled free, a smile briefly lightning up her face.

"No, you're not," she disagreed. "You forgot; it wasn't something you could control."

"But I hurt you," he reminded and she looked off to the side, taking a deep breath before she looked up at him once more.

"Is that what this is all about?" she asked, "The rose?"

"Partly," he told her. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind an exchange." She looked puzzled. "You get my rose, if you give me your memory?"

She stared at him, obviously trying to figure out the riddle and he saw the moment it dawned on her.

"You want me to kiss you," she whispered. He smiled softly.

"Or I kiss you. I'm not really bothered," he shrugged before taking in her bewildered look. "I care for you, Elissa," he cupped her cheek, his heart thudding when she leaned into his touch. "And to be honest, I don't really count our kiss in the Fade as a real one."

Indignation flashed across her face as she straightened up, her lips parting only for his finger to stop her, smiling amusedly. "It wasn't out here, in the real world. And I forgot it so it doesn't count."

She rolled her eyes but she could not stop the smile from crossing her lips.

"Honestly," she huffed as she looked off to the side. Alistair did not push her; he could see that she was weighing the pros and cons. That is what she does, every challenge they came across, she would take her time to figure out what side was better and she did not like it when people pushed her.

After a few long minutes, she looked up at him and he held his breath.

"Okay," he exhaled in disbelief.

"Really?" he asked and her eyes widen in disbelief.

"You set this all up!" she reminded him. "You gave me a rose and offered a suggestion that we could use it as an exchange! How can you believe that I would not want to kiss you? I did instigate it in the Fade!"

"Maker's breath, you _are_ beautiful when you are angry," he told her before crushing his lips to hers, cutting off any further retort coming from the noble born woman.

She gasped into his mouth before moaning as his arms banded around her body, her hands trapped between their chests.

Frustrated that he was not getting her close enough, he separated their bodies enough for her hands to slip free – which she took – before pulling her up closer against them.

Her arms slipped around his neck, pushing herself on her tiptoes so he slipped an arm down around her waist so he could help. She moaned appreciatively into his mouth and it sent a shiver down his spine.

He would never understand how this slip of a woman managed to get to his heart, or how he managed to get to her heart but he would be damned if he let anyone or anything get between them.

Soon their kisses turned softer as she fell back onto her heels, breathing heavily as she looked up at him with dark blue eyes. He kissed her again, enjoying the way she melted against him before resting his forehead against hers.

"Hmm, that was better," he told her and she smiled against his lips.

"Yeah, you didn't freeze up like a statue this time," she teased.

"Hey!" he pulled away so he could look at her. "You kissed me out of the blue! What was I supposed to do?"

"Shut up," she pulled him back down for another kiss and he found that he did not mind her method of shutting him up.

Moreover, it was not a bad exchange, a rose for a memory.

The End

So – I managed to write a story that ended fluffy (nice to see that I can still do those…)


	3. Chapter 3: A Comfort Within Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filled with doubts, Elissa questions their relationship.

Title: A Comfort within Doubts

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa

Rating: Teen

Summary: Filled with doubts, Elissa questions their relationship.

Timeline: After saving the Circle

Warnings: Angst, Comfort

A Comfort within Doubts

Elissa frowned as she stared at the rose in her hands, softly stroking the petals before smiling as she remembered Alistair giving her the rose.

She still could not believe how romantic it had been, how romantic _he_ was. He was not like any other men she had met, and she had met her fair share thanks to her mother's desperate bid to find her a husband.

She smile turned bitter at the memories of her family. Even now, she still could not grieve for them. She felt too angry, especially with Howe for betraying them.

Moreover, she was still confused; she did not know why Howe had betrayed them. She knew her father and Howe had been friends for years, even to the point Howe had been hinting, heavily, at an arranged marriage between her and his youngest son, Thomas.

A wince crossed her face as she remembered the young man. He was not the type of person she would have relished being married too. The last time they had been the same room had resulted in him receiving a black eye and dropping onto his knees while her brother had taken it upon himself to teach her self-defence.

It was the strange how the memories invoked pain to remember yet they made her smile. Was that not the whole point of memories? They remind you the reason why you push onward.

She turned her head when she heard rustling and saw Damon leading Alistair through the bushes and into the clearing. She smiled when Alistair stopped in his tracks when he spotted her, a blush creeping over his face and he rubbed the back of his neck.

Butterflies started up in stomach as she watched him walk over to her.

"Hey," he greeted, slowly sitting down next to her.

"Hey," she watched as he sighed, stretching his hands over his head only to groan when Damon trotted over to him, lying down with his head on Alistair's lap, obviously expecting a good scratch as payment for finding her.

While Alistair conceded, scratching the hound, she turned her gaze back to the darkening sky, absently stroking the petals.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alistair asked, breaking into her thoughts. She bit her bottom lip.

"Not really," she admitted softly. She saw him nod out the corner of her eye and it made her heart melt.

Alistair had never once pushed her, letting her take her own time She could count on one hand the number of men who had been like him.

However, none of them made her feel like she had butterflies in her stomach. None of them had made her laugh as he did. None of them had _challenged_ her.

It was strange, she never thought she could meet a man who her father would have approved, who her mother would have so readily embraced into the family, who her brother would be more than happy to call a brother.

Yet - here he was, and her family were dead. She mentally scoffed, Fate _was_ a twisted a bitch.

Moreover, that brought up her questions regarding their relationship, and it slipped out before she could stop it.

"Do you think we're being selfish?" She held her breath as his head snapped toward hers, his eyes going wide before they narrowed.

"Selfish?" His voice was low. She exhaled and she nodded.

"We're Grey Wardens. We have a duty to the people to stop the Blight. Does…" she looked at the rose again, unable to watch his expression. "Does we having a relationship count us as being selfish? Are we putting ourselves first?"

"Where did this come from?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"I guess…I've been thinking about it – about Grey Wardens' duty." Alistair stayed silent, and she could feel his eyes on her. The only noise between them was Damon's low whines of pleasure as Alistair continued to scratch him.

"Liar," Alistair finally said. She looked at him with wide eyes, her lips parting indignantly.

"Excuse me?" she demanded, pressing her lips into a thin line but she could not miss the flare of Alistair's nostrils. Her hand tightened around the stem of her rose.

"You heard me," he shot back. "That was a lie."

"I don't know what you are talking about," she snapped, straightening her spine. "And I resent you calling me a liar!" His eyes narrowed, challenging.

"Resent me all you want," he warned her. "But you are lying to me. You were not just thinking about our relationship because of Grey Wardens' duties. There is something else."

Elissa gritted her teeth, growling at him before she pushed herself to her feet.

"I'm heading back to the camp," she told him tartly, brushing the dirt off her armour, slipping the rose into her belt so she would not leave it behind in her anger, turning to stalk off.

"We are not finished here," she heard Damon's annoyed bark as Alistair pushed him off before standing up himself. She looked over at her shoulder to see Alistair glaring right back at her.

"Yes, we are," she informed him, turning around, and Alistair scoffed as she took a step forward.

"Does it anything to do with Wynne?" he challenged and she stopped in her tracks, her eyes widening as a shocked gasp escaped her parted lips.

She immediately flashed back to the conversation she had with the mage.

~_ACWD_~

"The two of you are quite taken with each other, aren't you?" Wynne's question caught her off guard. Elissa turned to see the mage had sat down next to her at some point while a new book they had discovered on their travels had distracted her.

"Excuse me?" she asked, unsure of the question.

"You and Alistair," Wynne elaborated. "You have grown closer." Elissa felt her cheeks burn as she looked toward the fire.

"We are friends." It even sounded hollow to her ears.

"Oh, I dare say it has become more than that." Wynne's tone was one of reproach. "He is smitten with you."

Unable to help herself, Elissa risked a glance in Alistair's direction. He was currently sharpening his sword, making sure it was ready for the next battle. He had been complaining that it felt blunt. He looked so handsome, focused on the task with the glow of the fire warming his features. Her heart thudded and she bit her lower lip, warmth spreading through her.

"Maybe," Elissa softly admitted to the older woman as she turned to face her once more, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Are you sure that is wise?" the smile faded from her lips, her heart sinking and unease settling low in her stomach. "You are Grey Wardens. You have a duty to the people." Elissa's jaw dropped incredulously.

They _were_ in the middle of a Blight, and an upcoming war surrounding it. Nevertheless, should they not find happiness regardless of the darkness?

Moreover, she _certainly_ never asked to become a Grey Warden.

"I-,"

"Alistair seems to be naïve regarding relationships. He clearly looks toward you for guidance."

How ignorant Wynne seemed to be regarding their relationship. Elissa was also new to relationships as well.

Elissa had to shake her head, bewildered by the conversation.

"I am sorry, but exactly how does our having a relationship have anything to do with you?"

Wynne regarded her with cool eyes, not saying anything, and Elissa felt Wynne was testing her, as if she was judging Elissa for some unknown reason.

"There may be a time where you relationship may impede with your duties as Grey Wardens," she said. "Can you truly afford to be selfish?"

Elissa stared at the other woman in stunned horror when Damon growled menacingly, bearing his teeth and catching Wynne off guard. She had obviously missed the hound at Elissa's side, snoozing.

"No," Elissa placed a hand on Damon's muzzle, pushing down and he looked at her, teeth still bared. "She _is_ entitled to her own opinion."

Damon gave another low growl before conceding to his mistress' touch and lay his head down once more.

Taking a deep breath to calm her emotions, and clear her heard; she looked at Wynne again.

"Are you - ," she trailed off, unsure what to say when Wynne took over once more.

"Maybe it would better if you were to rethink your relationship."

Tears burned at the back of Elissa's eyes.

"So...what? I should tell Alistair to go away. Cast him aside because it _might_ cause problems down the line?" She could not believe what she was hearing.

"If only to spare him pain in the future." Funny how Wynne was more concerned about _her_ hurting Alistair instead of the other way around.

A bitter humourless laugh left Elissa and she could tell it did not sit well as Damon brought his head up, giving a low shine and moving in closer to give her comfort, the flinch that crossed the other woman.

"I should hurt Alistair _now_ , to spare him the pain," she shook her head. " _Great plan_ ," she could not help but add sarcastically.

"Elissa-,"

"Don't." She cut the mage off, anger burning through her. "Just don't." She put her book to the side before pushing herself up to her feet.

Damon got up to accompany her but she placed a hand on his head. "Stay here," she ordered, not looking at him. The image of those dark eyes looking up at her pleadingly was enough to eat away at her willpower. "I need time alone."

She rounded the fire, vaguely aware of everyone watching her. In addition, she could sense Alistair's eyes on her. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

Concern clear on his expressive face, his eyes was dark with confusion. She bit her bottom lip as a tear slipped free.

Shaking her head, she burst into a run, practically diving into the forest as Alistair called her name. She kept running, ignoring the calls of her friends, the barks of her dog and the need to wrap herself up in Alistair's arms, where she felt safe and strong.

She could not go to him. Not now.

~_ACWD_~

Elissa shuddered as she came out of her thoughts and hung her head, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Alistair…"

"What did she say?" she felt him step closer up behind her.

"Nothing," she whispered. She could not do that to him. She could not break the bond that was forming between him and the older woman, the one who was becoming like a mother to him.

" _Liar,_ " he grabbed her elbow, spinning her around to face him and she saw the hard look of anger on his face. "She said something that has you questioning…" he trailed off and dread coiled in her stomach when understanding crossed his face.

"She has you doubting about our relationship," he shook his head and refocused his gaze on her. "She has suggested we should end our relationship."

Hearing those words in his voice sent an icy shiver down her spine. She pulled herself out of his grasp - he let her go - and took a step back, looking out at the water.

It rolled around in her head, hearing the words repeatedly. Were they being selfish? Were they putting themselves first before the people? Did they have a right to have a relationship when others were suffering?

"Alistair…" she looked at him to see his expression was now unreadable and it broke her heart. Were they going to lose something special because people deemed it selfish in their eyes? Was she going to _lose him_?

She did not know what to say, she could not deny it since he seemed to have discovered a way to tell she was lying.

"Do you think she is right?" the question should have taken her by surprised, coming from Alistair. Nevertheless, it did not, because she had been expecting it. Maybe that is what she feared – Alistair thinking the same thing as Wynne has.

She was not afraid of hurting Alistair, because she was terrified as Alistair held the power to break her, to shatter her completely.

Maybe that was why she ran away instead of going to him.

"I don't know," she admitted and a flash of pain, insecurity and _fear_ crossed his face, making her chest tight.

Did he -

"Do you think we should end this now?" it astounded her and he stepped closer to her, challenging her. "Do you think we should away from this and focus on the people? Our duty?!"

"I-I…," it was hard to think with him so close to her. She closed her eyes before she lashed out. She brought her hands up and shoved his chest. "I don't know!" he stumbled under the force and she stared at him with wide eyes, matching him perfectly.

"Elissa…" he regained his balance and he seemed hurt. More tears filled her eyes.

"I don't know!" she shouted, holding her hands up as he tried to step closer to him. "I don't know anything, Alistair! You all decided that you would make me the leader! _You_ are the senior Grey Warden yet you pushed this stupid leadership on me. Now you expect me to be the one who has to decide about our relationship?!"

Her hands went to the sides of her head, turning away, unable to look at him, not when her heart was threatening to crack further.

"I can't think; I can barely sleep thanks to the bloody nightmares, and seeing the bodies of my family lying before me." She turned to look at him once more to see the stricken look on his face. "My family was murdered and I can't even grieve for them and you want me to give up something that makes me happy?"

To her horror, a sob broke free and he softened.

"Elissa," she shook her head as he stepped forward but did not resist as he gently grabbed her arm again. Tears broke free and she fell into his arms, burying her face into his chest and cried.

He embraced her, rubbing a hand up and down her back while dropping kisses on the crown of her head. She clung to him as if she was clinging into a lifeline. She felt as if someone had thrown her into the deep end and had not come up for air.

How was it fair? She lost her entire family – she still did not know what happened to her brother – and she had seen the slaughter of the army before a witch, who claimed it was their duty to bring a stop to the Blight, had rescued them.

Now, just when she thinks there is a light in the midst of all this darkness, people threaten it by questioning her if it was right for her to have this moment of happiness, if it was not selfish for her wanting to have this.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered, gently rocking her and she felt herself calming down.

It was strange how he had this effect on her, how easy it was for him to rile her up then have her laughing, or challenging her then making her cry. Her brother had cursed her when he told her that she would find a man who would be able to handle her.

She had never missed her brother as much as she did right now. How much would she give just to head him laugh, ruffling her hair.

She took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was Alistair, and sighed, closing her eyes. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, holding her lips there for a moment.

As much as she wanted to stay wrapped up in his arms, they were in the middle of an argument. She pulled away from him only to find he was not letting her go that easy, and looked up at him.

"We're not finished," she reminded and he laughed, his eyes sparkling and her heart skipped a beat.

"Coming from the woman who tried to storm off," he gently teased and Elissa felt her cheeks burn.

Happiness gave way to concentration as he continued to watch her before he sighed heavily.

"Do you think we're being selfish?" he asked. Her gaze dropped to his chest before she shrugged.

"I do not know," she confessed miserably. "I never thought we were hurting anyone but..." she looked up at him desperately. "What is our duty?" Alistair seemed taken aback at her question. "We have a duty to stop the Blight, yes, but where does it prohibit us from finding happiness? Ser Jory had a wife, a child on the way so surely Grey Wardens do not condemn relationships. However, do they frown upon relations within the Grey Wardens?"

"Elissa..." he did not seem to know what to say.

"Alistair, we're the last two Grey Wardens in Ferelden - which we know of. I saw my family slaughtered, betrayed by someone they trusted. You lost the Grey Wardens, a family you found, because Loghain had left them to die by quitting the battlefield."

She took a deep breath, her gaze dropping down to his chest again, as sadness crashed through her once more.

Alistair tilted her face up toward his once more.

"Elissa, you will still have me as a friend if you chose to end this," he promised and it made her heart flutter, and tears to film her eyes.

"I do not want to end this," she confessed and he exhaled, relief crossing his face. "You make me happy, Alistair. And I do not care if people think that is selfish. I do not want to lose you, I _can't_ lose you...I...I _care_ about you."

Alistair hauled her up against his chest, keeping her deeply. She moaned, her hands clutching the back of his shirt. He did not let up and she could feel her head swimming, his hands mapping her back.

She broke the kiss to breathe and found she was walking backward with Alistair leading her until her back hit the trunk of the tree. He kissed her deeply again and she arched her body.

He broke the kiss time, staring down at her with dark eyes, his lips swollen and cheeks flushed.

"You drive me crazy," he told her, his voice low and it sent shivers down her spine. She untangled her arms from around his waist, slipping them over his neck, one hand tightening in his dark blonde hair, pulling him in for another kiss.

He met her eagerly, his hands sliding down her back and over her hips before curving around her thighs. Her body seemed to know what he wanted and she bounced on her toes, allowing him to lift her up, and wrapped her legs around his hips.

He pressed up against her and she gasped, breaking the kiss but Alistair took control, kissing his way over her cheek and down her neck.

 _This_ had been what her sister had spoken of when they talked about relationship. This heady feeling of power, knowing when a man wanted - _desired_ \- you.

Elissa tightened her legs, pulling him in even further and he groaned into her neck, his hands travelling up to her hips and squeezed.

Her hand, in his hair, tightened to the point she was almost pulling on his hair. Her other hand slid over his shoulder, down his arm and interlaced her fingers with his, shifting her hips as she did.

 _Oh, Maker...that felt good_ , pleasure burst through her. Alistair bit her collarbone, causing her to yelp before she moaned as he licked the mark, soothing and stimulating her at once.

He lifted their intertwined hands, pushing it against the bark next to her head as he brought his head up, their eyes meeting.

He was gorgeous - and _hers_. The thought made her pant and he gave her that smirk - that knowing smirk that would drive her crazy - and it inflamed her.

He slowly grinded against her and her nails dug into the back of his hand.

"Alistair..." her head fell back but he quickly drove his hand into her unbound dark hair, pulling her head so she was facing him once more and he kissed her, stealing her breath and making her whimper.

He untangled their hands, placing his hand on the side of her waist and slowly dragging it up, his thumb brushing the underside of her breast - and alarm bells set off inside her head.

Too fast, they were moving too fast...no matter how much she really wanted to have him - they could not. She had doubts about their relationship, had questioned their duty. Now was not the time.

She turned her head, breaking the kiss and Alistair took her neck, almost making her give in.

"W-," Alistair's fingers inched closer, his fingers tightening in her hair as he grinded harder, causing stronger pleasure to surge through her and she almost lost her train of thought. "W-wait...Alistair..." she begged.

Alistair stilled almost straight away and she turned to look at him, looking into hazy dark eyes. His lips looked kissable and his hair was a ruffled mess, which only added to her desire.

Somehow, she had a feeling she looked similar considering the way his eyes dropped to her lips before he swallowed, still panting.

"Too fast," he croaked out. She nodded, breathing heavily. She ached to kiss him again, to feel his skin against hers but she restrained herself.

They were not ready for that step; she was not ready.

He gently let her down, easing his lower body away from hers but not completely separating them.

Once she was on her feet, he rested his forehead against hers and she closed her eyes, soaking up his nearness.

"I need to go into the lake," his voice broke the silence and she looked up at him, confused.

His flushed cheek only added to her confusion but when he averted his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck understanding dawned on her and she felt her own cheeks heating up.

Eye widening, she quickly took a step back from Alistair only to halt when her back hit the tree, the same tree he had her pressed up against.

"I-I'll..." she looked around frantically, anything to keep her eyes off Alistair's body so it wouldn't betray her by looking down, she spotted her dog watching the two of them from the riverbed, his head cocked in confusion. "I'll walk Damon!"

She squeezed by Alistair, ignoring the way that damn knowing smile playing on those lips at her flustered state.

Damon just whined curiously, as he watched her coming toward him but she refused to be deterred, grabbing him by the collar and pulled him along, furiously ignoring the heat of Alistair's eyes on her behind, and his badly suppressed laugher.

_Jerk._

~_ACWD_~

Elissa did not know how long she had walked for, wanting to stay away from the camp, and Alistair, until the throbbing between her legs alleviated, and her cheeks stopped burning.

She was half-convinced her dog was beginning to think she was crazy considering the many times he had tried to go back to camp only for Elissa to quickly give him a treat, bribing him into staying.

However, when she stepped back into the camp, she saw it had been enough time for Alistair to make it back to the camp and was currently reading a book, sitting in front of the fire. Elissa could see that he was not really reading it due to the far-away look in his eyes and the concern apparent.

Damon gave a low bark, happily trotting over to Alistair that Elissa had to stop in her tracks, watching her dog and marvelling at how quickly Damon had taken to Alistair.

This same dog had a hard time leaving her alone in the same room as her brother. Moreover, the one who had scared off many of suitors her Mother had picked much to the woman's annoyance.

Alistair turned in Damon's direction, getting a lick to the cheek as greeting. Alistair smiled, patting the dog while his eyes searched for her.

Once they met, relief crossed his features for a moment before happiness took over.

A smile crossed her own lips and she made up her mind. She walked over to him, sitting down on his other side.

Unable to help herself, she looked over at Wynne - who was sitting in front of her own tent - to see clear disapproval on her face. Her heart began to sink.

In that same moment, Alistair turned her to look him before kissing her softly. She melted against him, all thoughts of Wynne and her doubts flying out of her head. Alistair wrapped his arms around her hair, pulling her into his body as he broke the kiss.

"I'm sorry," he kissed her forehead.

"For what?" she saw the sheepish expression crossing his face.

"For forcing the leadership onto you." she smiled, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry for unleashing it all you," she apologised and he laughed, brushing back a lock of her hair behind her ear before rubbing his thumb over her cheek.

"To be honest, I think it was time you let it go," he told her.

She wondered what he meant by that and he gave her a knowing look. "You do have a habit of bottling everything up." She just stared at him, speechless.

Not even her family had noticed..."So, whenever you feel like letting go, I'll be there for you."

"Alistair," her smile turned watery. What was it about this man that made her want to cry?

"And I promise to help you with the leadership. Though I warn you, I am better at bashing people in the head that I am talking to them."

She laughed, catching everyone's attention, and she covered her mouth, simultaneously glaring at Alistair while he just grinned broadly, pleased that he had made her happy and it made her heart swell.

She leaned over, kissing him and for the first time in a long time, she felt lighter.

And it was all thanks to the warrior in front of her.

The End/TBC

Okay - this was inspired by me trying to break up with Alistair in my game (didn't work cause I ended up re-loading) however I noticed that you didn't get the option to tell Alistair that you are breaking up with him because Wynne suggested it so I kinda head-cannoned that they don't want to hurt Alistair even further by bringing in Wynne at that point.

(and yes, I'm writing Alistair as hardened - kinda - despite the fact that I haven't even written the part where you do get the chance to harden him.)


	4. The Revelations We Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being protective leads to confrontations and interesting revelations

Title: The Revelations We Make

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa

Rating: Teen

Summary: Being protective leads to confrontations and interesting revelations

Timeline: After A Comfort within Doubts

Warnings: ~~just Alistair being a snarky bastard~~

**The Revelations We Make**

He was being petty, childish, and stupid. Nevertheless, he could not help it. Every time he looked at Wynne, Elissa's face would flash across his mind-eye, confused and miserable and it made anger burn through his veins.

It was not like him to hold a grudge, not against someone who was obviously looking out for his well-being but he was reminded of those who made his choices for him.

He was never given a choice if he wanted to be sent away to the Chantry because the man who had been like father could not tell his new wife the truth of Alistair's heritage.

He never had a choice in becoming a Grey Warden – though he will forever be in Duncan's debt for conscripting him – he was still forced into becoming a Grey Warden thanks to the Grand Cleric's refusal to release him – even though she knew that he hated the idea of being a Templar.

He was not given the choice to fight by Duncan's side in the battle that had cost the lives of the Grey Wardens, the King – his brother – and soldiers.

So he would be damned if his choice regarding Elissa was taken out of his hands. He wanted to be with her, to have her in his arms, to have her smiling at him and to have that chance of someone wanting him just for _him_.

If that made him selfish, then so be it. He thinks it is his turn to be selfish and if people cannot handle it, then they could go and soak their heads.

Moreover, he was not going to let Elissa doubt their relationship anymore. She nearly gave him a heart attack when she asked him if he though their relationship was a mistake. For a heart wrenching moment, he had believed that he was going to lose her.

He never wanted to feel that way again, especially not by Elissa doubting herself or their relationship. She was the one good thing in his life and he loathed to lose that because people could not accept that Grey Wardens were more than just duty.

Sighing, he sat down in front of the fire and poked at it with the nearby stick, encouraging the fire to keep going. Pointless, he knew, since the fire was magic-base and was unlikely to go out at any point, it still gave him something to do other than being frustrated and angry.

"Morrigan," he heard Leliana walk behind him. He did not turn, just keeping his eyes on the fire.

"Yes?" the other woman asked and there was a faint rustling sound.

"Elissa and I found those deathroots you had been asking for."

"Ah, thank you." Alistair rolled his eyes. They could get thanks and all he would get was a scathing glare in his direction. Lovely.

"Do you have time for a chat or do you wish to be left alone?" Leliana asked and Alistair could hear the hopeful tone in her voice. He had noticed Leliana had been making an effort to get to know the wild witch better.

Maker knew Elissa was getting closer to the woman.

"Sit, if you wish," Morrigan told her and Alistair had to grind his teeth in order to stop his jaw from dropping shock.

It would not do for them to know that he could hear them.

"Thank you," Leliana must have sat down as she sighed. "Tell me, how you are faring with the group. Elissa had mentioned that you lived with your mother before she offered your services to help Elissa and Alistair out of the woods."

"It is...interesting," Morrigan slowly admitted. "I never did think I would find myself surrounded by many people. Not to mention Sten. He has such a fascinating way of seeing the world and it makes me wonder more of his kin."

"He is different from what I thought he would be," Leliana admitted. "The Chantry does say the Qun are mindless beasts who wish to dominate us. Though, the last part could very well be true but Sten has proven they seemed to have a hierarchy they follow."

"I find the Chantry says many things but lack the evidence to back it up," Morrigan remarked. "I know you have your faith-"

"I understand you do not follow my faith," Leliana cut in kindly. "You have your own and I support it."

"Thank you," Morrigan said softly.

"However, what do you think of Elissa? I find she is quiet – yet she is strong. I sense she has suffered a tragedy." Alistair ducked his head down.

"She is smart," Morrigan agreed and Alistair smiled fondly. "She did not act like an idiot when she and the others found me in the Wilds while searching for the treaties. She merely introduced herself and if she could meet my mother. Tis rare to find manners like that in the woods."

Leliana chuckled. "However, her relationship..."

"Oh, you have concerns?" Leliana asked and Alistair held his breath.

" _Alistair_?" Morrigan snipped. "Why would she choose that idiot?" He hunched his shoulders, feeling the tips of his ears turn red as he bit back a snarl. No need to aggravate the witch any further.

"Why would she not?" Leliana's soft voice asked and he perked up.

"Because he is an idiot, that's why," Morrigan snapped back. "The **boy** does not have a backbone to speak of, and prefers to follow after her like a lost puppy."

"He makes her happy, does he not?" Leliana asked, patient as ever and he felt dumbstruck, as Morrigan did not answer. "Have you seen her when he is around? She lights up."

"...I have seen her smile more, yes," Morrigan reluctantly admitted.

"She cares for him, and he cares for her. Besides, I think she has been good for Alistair. Unless you have not noticed him giving Wynne the cold shoulder."

He blanched; he had hoped that no one outside Elissa and Wynne had noticed his change in attitude toward the other mage.

"Oh, I have noticed he had become...cooler, toward Wynne. Not that anyone could blame him; I do find her to be a tiresome meddlesome old woman. But that is no indication of a backbone."

"It is when it is clear that Wynne had hurt Elissa in some way that Alistair feels he had no choice but to protect her. He is very much like a man in love, do you not think?"

Love? Dear Maker – is that what they are all thinking? Just how long those people have have known about his and Elissa's relationship? Now he was suddenly paranoid, thinking that maybe they had been following him and Elissa after all. They certaintly never gave any indication they knew of their relationship.

"Love," Morrigan spat, "is useless. It does not produce anything effective. No, I merely believe she wants him for his body – not that it is a bad one."

He shuddered, that was not something he wanted to hear from Morrigan. Despite them travelling for a while, he still found it hard to trust the wild witch. There was something she was not telling them, the real reason why her mother had sent her along with them.

"And just **why** do you believe Wynne has hurt Elissa?" Alistair had to arch an eyebrow at the protective tone in the witch's voice.

"I believe Wynne has expressed some misgiven regarding Elissa and Alistair's relationship." Alistair buried his face into his hands. What was the point of having a secret relationship when everyone seemed to know about it? He made a mental note to have a chat with Elissa later regarding their party members.

"What makes you think that?"

"Do you remember, a few nights ago, Elissa darted into the forest after having a chat with Wynne?" she must have received a non-verbal answer since she continued. "Well, I was watching when Elissa returned. When she sat down next to Alistair, Wynne had clear disapproval on her face."

Alistair frowned, he could swear that Wynne was the only one at Camp when Elissa had returned and he kissed her, mostly just to annoy the mage who thought she could meddle in their affairs.

Morrigan scoffed, hard and bitter.

"She knows nothing of love," Morrigan snipped and Alistair had to refrain himself from turning around to see the witch's expression. He could hear the underlying anger in her tone. "Stuck in her little prison, pretending to know the arts of magic and such with those Templars watching over them. She should clearly keep her nose out of things that does not concern her."

"Yet, _you_ disapprove of their relationship," Leliana reminded.

"I merely question Elissa's taste in men. I am not begrudging her a relationship. If she wishes to consort with the idiot, she is welcomed to him."

"I must say, that sound an awful a lot like an approval."

"Take it however you wish, I shall say nothing more on the matter."

"Very well," Leliana conceded and both of them lapsed into silence while Alistair's mind whirled with the revelations that Morrigan could actually approve of their relationship.

Was the world suddenly going to collapse in the next few minutes? The Maker himself was going to stop the Blight. Loghain would die of a heart attack.

"Alistair," he stiffened, bringing his head up to meet the cool gaze of Wynne.

"Yes?" he asked, keeping his tone polite.

"May we speak?" she asked.

"We are," Alistair, pointed out.

"Alone," she gestured to the nearby woods and he sighed, pulling himself to his feet before he followed the mage. He wondered if she was going to ask about his relationship with Elissa.

Once they reached the edge of the woods, she turned to face him. Alistair looked over his shoulder to see they were still in full view of the camp but they were far enough that no one would over hear their conversation.

"We are now alone," he looked back at Wynne, "What did you wish to discuss?"

"About your relationship with Elissa," she told him and he scoffed.

"I know what you told Elissa," he cut in, her eyes widened. "I was the one to find her while she doubted our relationship. I managed to assure her that we are not breaking any cardinal rules, which I am aware of."

"Alistair, do you really think this is a good idea?" Wynne asked. "You do not have much experience with the matters of the hearts. Surely, you see that this could not end happily for you. Elissa is a strong woman that I can tell. Surely there is someone else..."

"You're worried about _Elissa_ hurting me?" he demanded, bewildered by her deduction

"Alistair, from what you have told me, you have not had much interaction with women," Wynne reminded him and he growled.

"And you think because Elissa was a noble, she is experienced in the arts of pleasing men?" he bit out roughly, not caring if he offended the older woman at that moment. "Do you even know Elissa? Or did you just make your assumption on how you 'see' things?"

"Alistair, I advise you not to take that tone with me," Wynne warned him.

"Elissa is a strong woman," he agreed. "But for Maker's sake Wynne, even you must see that she is not as strong as the persona she puts on. Have you not seen how she reacts to Zevran flirting?"

"Blushing does not constitute as innocent," Wynne, reminded. "She could merely be flattered. She is a very attractive woman and I have no doubts her family had introduced her to many men in a bid to marry her off."

"She lost her family," he snapped, watching as Wynne's face paled and her eyes widen. "Her family was murdered in the middle of the night, after they sent more than half their guards to Ostagar, by a man whom her father considered as a friend and ally."

"I..." Wynne stammered, shaking her head.

"You did not know because you never asked," he reminded her bitterly. "You just made assumption and you hurt her in the process." He shook his head. "Elissa is not some whore who decided to throw herself at me. She is a vulnerable woman who acts if she is unbreakable."

"And you know this how?" Wynne asked.

"I watch her, I see her, Wynne. We do talk to each other. It is not as if we are glue to each other's lips whenever we are alone in our tents. We do what even Zevran considers as important – communication."

"Alistair," hands were on his arms and he instantly calmed down, turning his head to see Elissa staring up at him with concerned eyes. His anger simmering, he took a deep breath, taking a step back as he looked at Wynne once more, who was watching them with narrowed eyes.

"I care for Elissa," he told Wynne and the mage looked at him with sharp eyes. "And I do not care what you say, or think, Wynne. I am not letting her go just because you think it is not a good idea. We are in the middle of a Blight, either one of us could lose our lives in the next battle. Our time is short so I want to be with her, regardless of your approval."

"And I want to be with him," Elissa spoke up, drawing their attention. Alistair's heart swelled with pride at the determined look on his beloved's face. She looked every inch of the fighter she was.

Wynne was silent that Alistair looked at her and his jaw tightened at the look.

"Before you say anything," he spoke up, bringing the mage's attention to him. "We are neither after your permission nor your approval."

Wynne's eyes narrowed, her lips thinning. "The relationship, and the choices we make, belongs to Elissa and me." He could feel Elissa's eyes on him. "Disapprove all you want, I merely ask you not to approach either of us with the suggestion of ending our relationship."

"Alistair," he could see the disapproval in the elderly woman's eyes as she shook her head, disappointed.

"I mean it, Wynne," his tone turned hard, "I will not have you upsetting Elissa again. And as far as I can tell, you are the only one who has a problem with our relationship."

A sharp inhalation from Elissa proved that she was out of the loop regarding their friends, and it pleased him to know he was not the only one. "So all I ask in return is you hold your tongue."

"Alistair," Elissa hissed and he looked down at her frantic face. "She is merely concerned for you."

"And I am concerned for you," he countered. Elissa narrowed her eyes at him.

"I am a big girl, Alistair," she reminded. "I had listened to Wynne, and then I spoke to you." She took his hand and he turned fully to her. "You helped me to ease my doubts, Alistair. I will not question us again. However, you cannot fault Wynne for trying to protect you.

"And it's my job to protect you," he reached out, cupping the side of her face, "On _and_ off the battlefield." She smiled wryly as she leaned into his touch.

"But you must understand other people's point of view," Elissa pointed out. "Wynne merely sees what we show her." Alistair just continued to stare at her, seeing the noble woman she had been brought up to be.

Elissa looked at Wynne but Alistair could not keep his eyes off her. "You must understand, Alistair is stronger than you give him credit," she told the mage. "He was the one to approach me about starting a relationship, and he was the one to soothe my doubts."

"I see," Alistair looked at Wynne, who was still looking at Elissa.

"I understand you wish to protect him, but Alistair has been dealt hands he had no choice in," Wynne's eyes widened as she looked at Alistair. Alistair said nothing. "Alistair is his own man and he does want to meet his needs without the judgement, or influences, of others."

"I _see_ ," her tone with hard as her eyes narrowed at Alistair. He instantly knew she took it the wrong way.

"Maker's Breath, _**no**_!" he snapped, feeling his ears heat up. "Elissa is _not_ helping me meet my needs! Our relationship has not progressed _that_ far!"

"I did not mean _that_!" Elissa squeaked, her cheeks, flushing. "We are taking things slow. Alistair is the only man..." she trailed off, flushing even harder as the two of them stared at her. Understanding dawned on Alistair and his jaw dropped.

Wynne cleared her throat and Elissa covered her face. "I'm..." she dropped her hands, looking off to the side as she took a step back, "I am going to patrol..." she caught sight of Damon "...I will take Damon." Another step back. "Please do not follow me."

With that, she turned and bolted. Alistair took a step forward but Wynne caught his arm and he looked back at her.

"Give her a moment," Wynne advised. "If she is as vulnerable as you say she is, she will need the moment to collect herself. It is not usual for a woman admits there has only been one man in her life in front of the man and another woman, especially when she blurts it out like that."

"I did not know," he admitted and she arched an eyebrow.

"Do you not _communicate_?" she asked. "You were awfully emphatic about that." He flushed.

"Not about her time as a noble. It is a reminder of her parents and I did not wish to push her into talk about her family when she was not ready to do so," he admitted. "I hope, in time, she will open up."

"I see," Wynne smiled warmly before she patted Alistair on the shoulder. "Take care with her heart."

Feeling dumbfounded, he watched the mage walk away before he shook his head.

He had a sneaky rogue he needed to hunt down, and an irrational urge to make her blush.

Alistair soon found her kicking at the rocks that was in her way. Damon was happily trotting next to her, veering off course every now and then to inspect something before he returned back to his mistress' side and Alistair realised they had a really bad habit of taking Damon with them whenever they wish to be alone.

Maybe they should shake it up by asking another one of their gang to come with them. It is not fair on the hound to be the partner all the time.

"Can you believe I just blurted that out?" she hissed to her dog. She groaned, covering her eyes as she stopped in place. Damon stopped in front of her, sitting down on his hindquarters while cocking his head curiously. "That man gets me so tangled up sometimes."

"It is only fair, do you not think?" he asked, causing her to jump and curse before she spun around to see him standing there. He smirked as she glared at him before returning her gaze to her dog who was wagging his tail happily.

"You could not have warned me he was there?" she asked Damon, who barked, and she sighed as she turned back to Alistair. Alistair had taken the chance to move in closer and he saw her eyes widen with surprise.

"Where would the fun be in that?" he asked and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Are you making my dog conspire against me, Alistair?" she asked, her voice icy and he grinned, his eyes dropping to her lips before meeting her eyes once more.

"Maybe?" She arched an eyebrow.

"Maybe?" she repeated and he grinned, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her in.

"Maybe I just like seeing you all wound up," he whispered before he kissed her. She moaned, sending a thrill through him as her hands landed on his upper arms, holding onto him.

His other hand cupped her hip before following around and sliding up her back, pulling her in closer.

Her hands moved from his arms to his shoulders before moving further, cupping his cheeks. She sighed when Alistair broke the kiss before he caught sight of that devilish smile.

She leaned back in, nipping his bottom lip, eliciting a groan from him before she kissed him deeply.

His little noble spitfire. She drove him insane, with happiness, frustration, annoyance, amusement or desire, and he thanked Duncan for saving her and bringing this light into his life.

Her kiss turned sweeter before she pulled away. He instantly missed her taste but he needed to confirm something first. However, when he looked down at her, his words were caught in his throat.

Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled with happiness. It always amazed him to see her looking so alive and happy in his arms, he never thought he could make a woman feel like that – not after being unwanted for so long.

"So, you have never been with a man before," he finally asked and she laughed as she tilted her head back so she could look at him.

"So this was all about you marking me?" she teased and he growled. Her smile gave way to amused resignation before she shrugged. "I was never like that, Alistair," she sighed. "My mother tried her hardest to find a suitor for me. However, I was not receptive to the men since they turned out to be a bunch of stuffy nobles only wanting an easy lay. Most of them were easily deterred by Damon."

He gave Damon a pat on the head and Elissa rolled her eyes causing Alistair to smile with amusement. He really liked it when she got all annoyed like that.

"It's just..." he paused, trying to put his thoughts in order, "I had always believed that maybe you had a relationship. I guess because it is unusual for a noble to go without a beau, even for a short time."

"I had never met anyone that interested me," she admitted with a shrug. "You must understand; my father accepted me for who I am. So did my brother. However, the men were not happy when they discovered I would rather train archery than choosing dresses. That I was learning how to pick-locks instead of gossiping." She smiled up at him and his heart tightened. "Until I met you. You accepted that I fought. You never cared that I was a noble and not once have you judged me."

Alistair sighed before he gently grasped the back of her head and pulled in her for a soft kiss. She sighed in to his mouth, her hands curling around the breastplate of his grey warden armour.

He broke the kiss, resting their foreheads together.

"I would never dare to presume that you could not kick my ass," he teased her and she laughed, her blue eyes bright with happiness.

"Hm, I do not know about that. I remember quite a few times of you knocking me onto my ass," she reminded him.

"Hey – those were sparring," he refuted. "You gave me hell because I went easy on you." She grinned and he caught on. "You sneaky minx – you have been hanging around with Zevran too much."

"Well, Leliana did say that I needed to keep you on your toes," she told him coyly and he narrowed his eyes.

"And what did Zevran have to say?" She flushed.

"I should get round to having my wicked way with you." He groaned, closing his eyes and shaking his head at the assassin's increasing attempts to influence their relationship.

"So much for keeping our relationship to ourselves," he muttered as he opened his eyes.

"With our party this small, it was bound to be discovered," she agreed. "Though I had hoped we would have been able to keep to ourselves just a tad longer. I had not realised the others had been at the Camp when you kissed me."

"They are sneaky, that's for sure." She smiled before she cupped the side of his face.

"Thank you," he frowned. "For trying to protect me from Wynne." He smiled before he shifted so he was now standing at her side with his arm over her shoulders. She slipped an arm around his waist, leaning into him.

"No problem." He kissed the side of her head. "So how about I come on patrol with you. We should really give Damon a break from being our partner all the time."

The smile she gave him made his heart swell before she nodded.

"Deal." She reached up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek before falling back and both of them went on their patrol with Damon happily following them.

It was moments like this he cherished.

TBC

Hehe – more fluff (sorta – kinda – maybe...meh)


	5. In My Heart and Thoughts You Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: In My Heart and Thoughts You Belong
> 
> Pairings: Alistair/Elissa
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Summary: One moment, that was all it takes to change everything they knew. And it was just enough.
> 
> Timeline: After saving Arl Eamon
> 
> Warnings: head canon regarding Mage Origins, maybe some triggers.

Title: In My Heart and Thoughts You Belong

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa

Rating: Teen

Summary: One moment, that was all it takes to change everything they knew. And it was just enough.

Timeline: After saving Arl Eamon

Warnings: head canon regarding Mage Origins, maybe some triggers.

**In My Heart and Thoughts You Belong**

Elissa hummed softly as she eagerly scanned the bookcases, feeling right at home in the library. It was different yet so similar to her Grandfather's library back in Highever.

A library he painstakingly created. A library, no doubt, destroyed. Sadness ran through her as she thought about it.

She had spent so much time in the library that Fergus had joked that the Library had become her second bedroom. She was not so sure that he was wrong considering the amount of time she had fallen asleep in front of the fire while reading a book.

She had loved that room, surrounded by books that promises escape from her life. In books, she could learn, understand the world, or become whomever she wished to be or seduced by the subtle romance books her Grandmother had carefully hidden.

A fond smile touched her lips at the thought of her grandparents. After her parents, they had been the biggest influence in her life, encouraging her to follow her own path. She wondered what they would make of the situation she was in, and what advice they would dispense.

She turned her head when she heard shuffling footsteps to see Alistair making his way past the doorway, dressed in breeches and a shirt. It was strange to see him out of his armor. They learnt they could be attacked at any moment so they had elected to keep their armor nearby rather than being sorry.

A moment later, she smiled when she spotted the familiar shadow following Alistair and she decided to see where they were going.

She knew the others believed that Alistair did not know of Connor following him but Elissa knew differently. Alistair was too good a warrior to miss his little shadow and she could not help but find it adorable.

It was time that someone in Alistair's family gave a damn about him considering how Eamon and Isolde treated him.

She had thanked her parents, especially her mother, for instilling politically politeness in her. To think before she spoke because, Maker knew, she would have an irate Arl and Arlessa on her hands for daring to speak her mind. Then again, Nan was always on hand to remind her that a glare spoke better than words.

It burned her to remember what Alistair had said about his childhood. She knew Alistair probably did not even realised what he had let slipped but Elissa had taken every memory and stored it away.

She only saved the Arl and Arlessa because Alistair had asked her to do so. If she had the choice, she would have gladly left both of them to rot while saving Connor – he was only a young boy, terrified – and appointed Teagan to be the Arl. At least he seemed responsible enough.

Elissa huffed before she exited the library, a part of her already missing the room, and followed the same path before she discovered exactly where they were going, and she had to smile as she shook her head.

Alistair could be so unpredictable her heart would race, yet he could so be predictable that her heart would swell.

Elissa stopped near the kitchen doorway, listening in.

"You _do_ know it's not a good thing to sneak up on a warrior, right?" she heard Alistair's amused voice asked.

"Sorry," Connor whispered. She had rarely met the boy, partly due to the fact he was still shy over all the strangers in his house, partly due to the fact he reminded her so much of Oren. However, she still had a hard time believing he came from Isolde and Eamon, both of them who were cold in their own ways.

"No, no," she could imagine Alistair shaking his head with that smile on his face. She rested her back against the wall, just listening to him. "You do not get to follow me about without some punishment." She could practically hear Connor swallow with fear.

" _Punishment_?" he squeaked.

"Yep," Alistair clapped his hands. "Your punishment is...you have to eat with me." Her hand came up to cover her mouth, muffling her laugher.

" _...What_?" Poor Connor, he sounded so confused. Then again, a natural reaction to anyone meeting Alistair, and caught up in his whirlwind.

"You heard me," Alistair scolded. "You _do_ have ears, don't you?" She heard Connor giggle, bewildered. "So, sit down and I'll get the food ready."

"Okay," Connor's voice was filled with excitement and happiness that she felt her heart melt, her hand falling from her mouth and covering her heart as she turned her head, looking at the doorway.

He would make a great father one day. She hoped that she would be mother. Unbidden, the image of a babe cradled in Alistair's arms came to her, with him staring down with wonder and love on his face that it made her heart ache. His voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"Elissa, I **can** sense you out there."

She stepped into the kitchen to see Connor was sitting at the table. He caught her eyes and gave her shy smile before his gaze turned back to Alistair.

The man in question was in front of the stove and she swallowed back her fear, remembering his attempts of cooking.

"Alistair." He turned to face her, shifting enough so she could see that he was merely reheating the soup served for dinner earlier. Relief must have shown on her face as he smirked and she glared wryly at him, her cheeks flushing at being caught.

He chuckled and it sent shivers down her spine.

"Do you want some?" She realised, with surprise, she was still hungry despite the helpings she had at dinner and nodded.

"Please," she stepped closer to him, opening the cupboard to pull out the bowls and placed them next to Alistair. She then grabbed the bread and started slicing it.

They worked in silence, strangely comfortable despite the situation and it took her a moment to place the feeling.

Home. This is what it reminded her. Being at home, safe and wanted. She bit her bottom lip as she glanced sideways at Alistair to see him focused on his task and her heart skipped a beat. He was home to her.

She finished slicing the bread, placing it onto a plate and turned to put it on the table. Once there, Connor snagged a slice and she shot him an amused grin, which he returned sheepishly.

Shaking her head, she turned back to Alistair, who was now serving the soup into the bowls she had laid out and she helped him to transfer the bowls on to the table before both of them settled.

Alistair was already tearing into his slice of bread, dunking it into the soup. She took her time, watching Connor carefully. He not had much of an appetite since the mages helped break him away from the Demon's control and she wondered if he remembered more than he let on.

Alistair seemed to have the same idea for he was the one who spoke up first.

"Not hungry?" he asked. Connor's head came up, his eyes wide it reminded her of Oren, especially when she caught him playing with her wooden daggers, training in secret so his mother would not find out. Her heart clenched painfully.

"Not really," Connor muttered, mostly to himself, as he continued to stir his soup.

"Hmm," she looked at Alistair to see that look on his face, the same one he got whenever he wondered if he should leave or push the issue. She had it directed in her way more than once.

Sighing, he made his choice.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The boy stayed silent that she thought he was not going to talk. She reached out, gently squeezing Alistair's arm in comfort before they returned to their meal.

"I have magic," Connor finally spoke up. Alistair and Elissa exchanged looks before they looked at the young boy. He was staring into his bowl of soup and Elissa felt her heart go out to him.

"Hey," he looked up at her and she smiled. "Having magic is not a bad thing." He gave her that adorable 'are you serious' look she would get from Alistair whenever she suggested something that he thought was completely crazy.

"Everyone says magic is a curse," Connor reminded her and she sighed patiently.

"I had a cousin, she had magic." She felt Alistair stiffen at her side but she did not - could not - look at him. "We were young when she discovered she had magic and the Templars took her away. But you know what?" Connor shook her head. "She actually liked being at the circle." She smiled wryly. "Though I am pretty sure that it was mostly down to the fact she no longer had to deal with noblemen wanting her hand in marriage."

She winked at Connor, who giggled. Being a noble himself, he had seen the men fawning over the women, trying to gain their hands and vice versa.

"She is happy?" her smile faded lightly before she enforced it and nodded.

"She got to learn to control her magic, to find a way to use it to help people."

"How?" she could see the desperation on his face.

"She learned healing magic," hope and interest lit up his face. "She wanted to heal people, mostly due to our grandfather being ill a lot when we got older. She hated see him in him pain. Even though she never got the chance to use it on him, she still dedicated herself to learning Healing so no-one else would have to suffer."

"Do you think I could learn healing spells?" Connor asked. Elissa shrugged.

"If you wish to, really badly, there I do not see why you cannot." At the indecision on his face, she shook her head. "People fear magic because they only hear the bad things. Moreover, yes, there are mages who turn bad. However, there are mages who want to control their powers, to do good in the world and to protect those they have come to care for."

"So, it is not my magic I should be worried about, but my intentions?" Connor asked between mouthful of soup and she smiled, glad to see he was eating.

"Yes, if you wish to heal and protect those who matter to you, you will find yourself doing so. But if you wish only to care for yourself..."

"Then I would more likely to abuse my powers," he finished.

"Yes. I see magic similar to weapons." At his confused look, she pushed away her bowl so she could gesture. "I use my bow to protect those who would be attacked at distance and Alistair uses his shield to protect me from those who would use my distraction as an advantage." Connor nodded. "Now think of it this way, I could use my bow to attack those who are defenceless and Alistair could use his shield because he felt like it."

"You know..." wonderment was clear on Connor's face, "No one has ever explained magic like that to me." Elissa sighed.

"That's because the Chantry does not talk about magic that way. They wish to focus on the bad things but anyone can do bad things, not just mages. People tend to believe what they have been told rather than discover the truth."

"Like the Grey Wardens leaving Uncle Calian behind on the battlefield?" Connor asked and she felt Alistair stiffen up next to her.

"Yes, but you do not believe it. Why?" she challenged.

"Because you helped us," he replied instantly before blinking then smiled in understanding.

"Exactly. So keep that in mind when you use your magic. Do not believe everything you have been told. The answer is out there. All you have to do is look."

Connor nodded with a brilliant smile before he returned to his soup. Alistair leaned over, brushing his lips against her ear in gratitude – a move she had discovered after she agreed to find the Ashes needed to save the Arl.

" _Had_ a cousin?" Alistair whispered and her heart clenched.

"Later, Alistair," she kept her voice low. He stared at her with dark eyes before he nodded; conceding and she gave him a smile in return before she leaned over and kissed him softly.

Alistair kissed her back just as softly before they broke contact and returned to their meals. Elissa noticed Connor eyeing them curiously, before he returned to his own meal as Alistair picked up his tankard, taking a long drink.

"Are you going to get married?" Connor suddenly spoke up causing Alistair to splutter into his tankard and Elissa's cheeks to heat up before she reached over, patting Alistair's back as he coughed violently that she was worried for a moment.

Once Alistair's coughing subsided, she continued to rub his back as he stared wildly at the boy.

"What made you ask that?" he croaked out.

"You like each other," Connor informed him. "People I see kissing are usually married or about to be."

"How many people have _you_ seen kissing?" he demanded and Elissa had to cover her amused smile.

"Enough," was the reply and Alistair just mouthed soundless before he looked at her. She looked at Connor.

"Alistair and I are new regarding our relationship. We are taking it one day at a time."

"Fine," Connor muttered. "But can I come to the wedding?" She blushed as she parted her lips to deny it when Alistair got there first.

"Yes," her eyes darted to his, wide with shock and he smiled softly at her before he looked at Connor. "If I ever work up the courage to ask her to marry me." He winked and Connor laughed.

Bewildered, Elissa quickly turned back to her soup. How on Thedas did it turn from talks of magic to promises of marriages?!

"Do you..." Connor trailed off before sighing.

"Do I..." Alistair prodded and Connor sat up straight, looking at Alistair right in the eyes.

"When I am old enough, would you recruit me into the Grey Wardens?" he asked and Elissa saw Alistair's face pale. "I want to help people but by being a mage, I will not be allowed to leave the Circle to help people. So I want to become a Grey Warden." He smiled shyly. "I want to be like you."

Her heart warmed as she watched Connor before turning to look at Alistair to see him staring at Connor with a dumbstruck look on his face and it made her heart hurt. Alistair had come a long way from the man she had met in Ostagar. He was stronger, believe a little more in himself but he still regressed back to the doubt-filled joker whenever a situation hit a little too close to home.

"Connor," he started before he frowned. "Being a Grey Warden is not easy. It's not like the stories you hear at night."

"I know," he admitted softly and both of them were shocked. "I overheard Elissa one night when she had a nightmare." His face set in determination. "But I still want to help people. If by becoming a Grey Warden proves to people that not all mages are to be feared, then I want to do it."

Alistair looked at Elissa, bewildered and for help, but she merely smiled in his direction. It had been him Connor had asked, so it had to be him that answered.

He obviously guessed it and gave her a sour glare, one she was quick to cover up her amused smile with her tankard so she would not give herself away. It was very amusing, though Alistair clearly did not see that.

Sighing, Alistair turned back to the young boy, who was looking far too eager for his answer and he narrowed his eyes.

"You go to the circle and you work hard to become a really good mage, I will come by when you are of age and ask you if you still wish to join the Grey Wardens."

Connor looked delighted and Alistair was quick to hold up a hand. "You may change your mind about becoming a Grey Warden and that is fine. Just make you think it through before jumping."

"I will," Connor nodded so fast that Elissa feared his head might fall off but she had to smile at the happiness on his face. Alistair just sighed as he looked at Elissa.

She smothered her smile of amusement as noise from the doorway quickly caught her attention.

"Hey," she smiled when she spotted her hound entering the kitchen. "I was wondering where you got to." He came to a stop next to her, sitting on his hindquarters before groaning as she ran her fingers through his thick fur when he caught Connor's scent and turned to face him.

Elissa noticed Connor's eyes widening when he spotted the hound was watching him before looking at Elissa as Damon moved closer to him.

"It's okay, he won't hurt you," she assured him. Connor did not look assured but slowly reached out one hand. Damon licked his fingers causing the young boy to giggle and she smiled. Another noise caught their attention and they turned to see Teagan standing in the doorway with an unreadable expression. She wondered how long he been there for.

"Evening Teagan," Alistair stood up. "Do you wish to join us?" She could see he was on guard and frowned, wondering what was going on.

"I am afraid I must decline," he bowed his head apologetic. "Arl Eamon has sent me; he wishes to talk with you." Dread coiled in her stomach at his words and Alistair offered her a hand, which she gladly took, using it to help her.

"I will head back to bed," Connor slipped from his seat. After a moment of hesitation, he flung his arms around their way and looked up at him. "Thank you."

"You are welcomed buddy," Alistair whispered. They got a smile before Connor released them and darted out of the kitchen, leaving them alone with Teagan.

Why did she have a bad feeling?

~_IMHATYB_~

Elissa lay in her bed facing the door. Damon has taken up residence in front of the fire. She had been right to have a bad feeling about meeting Eamon and she wished that she had wrong.

The Arl proposed that they should put forth Alistair in line to be a King. The resignation from Alistair told her that he had expected this and she wondered why he had not confided in her.

When she reminded the Arl Anora was still the Queen; he was quick to refute, saying that the Therein blood was of more importance than a woman who had gained the love of her people, and had ruled effectively with Calian for years.

" _And what about what I want?_ " Alistair's words rang and she sighed, shifting so she was on her other side facing the window.

The sound of the rain soon lured her out of her bed and she pushed the heavy curtains aside so she could look out of the window. She could see the faint glow of the lights from the small village below and she wished she were out there.

She sat down on the window still, pressing a hand on the glass. The coldness reminded her that this was not a nightmare, she could not wake and she sighed sadly. Strange as it was, she did not feel at home within a noble's castle anymore, not since she had lost her own home.

Moreover, she did not know what to make of the situation placed before her. Eamon was adamant that Alistair would make a fine King, that Loghain being regent had proved that Anora was no longer fit to be the Queen.

However, she did not know what to think. In addition, add in that Alistair did not want to be a King despite Eamon's protests.

She was so ready to pull her hair. She was sick of having to make choices for people. Whatever happened to people solving their own problems? Why could they not see the Blight was the main threat and that everything else could wait until after the Blight was finished?

It was hard to choose someone to be the ruler of their country if they were all going to be dead by the time the Blight was over.

Not to mention she was not happy over how Eamon had dismissed Alistair's refusal to become a King. He had only refuted by saying it was Alistair's duty to do so.

Funny how everything came down to duty, she thought bitterly.

However, she had to admit that she had thought about it. She still yet to come to a conclusion. Moreover, she knew she needed to see Anora first before she could make any choices. Yes, Loghain had declared regent to the throne but how was she know that Anora willingly stepped aside and let her father do so?

It was ironic, she had heard the tales of Loghain as she grew up, and her Father had admired the man for his heroics in taking back Ferelden. Yet, when she had met the man in Ostagar, she was not impressed.

"So, you are awake," she turned to see Alistair in the doorway. He was dressed in simple sleep shirt and pants, his feet were bare and his hair mussed. She must have been that deep in thoughts if she never heard him opening the door.

Then again, her eyes wandered over to where her hound still slept in front of the fire, she no longer had her hound to warn her regarding Alistair's approach. She shook her head in amusement before she looked at Alistair once more as he entered her room.

"Did you wish to ravish me while I slept?" she teased him, delighting in the way his jaw dropped and his cheeks flushing.

"You minx," he muttered darkly as he closed the door behind him and she arched an eyebrow.

"Decided to ravish me while I am awake instead?" she asked, enjoying the way he stumbled, spluttering and she laughed.

It took her by surprise yet it made her feel so alive at the same time. It never failed to amaze her that he could make her laugh even in her darkest mood. That he just knew how to how to add light.

"You bloody minx," he grumbled as he finally reached her, sitting down on the ledge but the amused smile on his face contradicated his annoyance.

"Could you not sleep?" Alistair shrugged, pinning her with a look.

"I could say the same for you." She shrugged back, looking out of the window once more.

"Too many thoughts," she admitted.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like the Arl's suggestion." She turned to look at him and saw the dark frown.

"I do not wish to be a king," he informed her, his tone hard.

"However, if it turns out that Anora is not as competent on the throne-"

"She has ruled effectively for five years," Alistair cut in. "So what if I am Maric's son? I was clearly not good enough in the first place if he sent me to the Chantry, why would I be good enough now?"

She took in him, watching his jaw set in determination, the way his eyes flashed with annoyance – and hurt – and that stubbornness setting in. So, he _did_ hold resentment toward the Arl for sending Alistair away, curious.

"Alistair, I am not suggesting I will make you King." He narrowed his eyes and she smiled softly. He knew her far too well. "I am not going to make a decision until we have met Anora. Only then I will be able to decide."

"Fine," he huffed. "It's the least I can ask for." She had to smile at that. Alistair and their group – barring Wynne and Sten – were the only ones who had not made demands out of her.

Especially Alistair with their relationship and she was glad that she took the chance on accepting his rose, and the exchange for a kiss.

"You should be sleeping," Alistair cut into her thoughts and she refocused her gaze on him before sighing. His eyes narrowed. "You have not been sleeping enough when we are camping, Elissa." She flinched, remembering when Alistair had caught her sneaking away from the camp one night after she went to her tent, bidding everyone goodnight.

She had found it difficult to lie there, trying to sleep so she decided to go back the water, hoping it would soothe her. Unfortunately, or fortunately – depending on whom you asked – Alistair had been the one on guard and sensed her sneaking away.

Needless to say, it had not gone down well with the warrior.

"I just...I find it difficult to sleep inside now," she whispered. "I think I _feel_ safer outside than I do inside." A burden lifted itself from her shoulders, as if just saying it aloud helped lightened the load.

"Really? With Zevran sneaking around with his little concoctions of poison; Morrigan casting spells; Shale threatening to stomp on any birds that happen to come near her…Wynne giving us the evil eye."

"She only gives _you_ the evil eye, and that is because you insist on picking at your wounds, making them fester," she corrected, laughing as gratefulness warmed her body.

"Well, if she would just heal it, there would not be any scabs."

"Alistair, if you did not insist on hurting yourself every time you walk out of the tent, you would not end up injured. It would be different if you had sustained those wounds battling, but cutting your hand with a chopping knife because you had been distracted does not call for healing."

"Oh, I see how it is," he crossed his arms, leaning his back against the wall as he narrowed his eyes at her.

"And it's not poison Zevran carries with him, its lust potions." His eyes widened as he choked on his breath.

"What?!" she smiled.

"Apparently, because, I am not loud, he believes you are not enthusiastic in our love making." She shook her head at Zevran explanation when she caught him trying to slip liquid into Alistair's drinks one night. She had blushed like crazy upon hearing his explanation before quietly informing him that she and Alistair had not progressed that far in their relationship.

They had made the choice to spend time in her tent because of Wynne, who still seemed to disapprove of their relationship, and they did not wish to upset her further.

"Maker's breath, I am going to **strangle** him!" Alistair exclaimed as he stood up and she grabbed him by his arms, tugging him down with all of her strength so he would sit back down again.

"You are going to do no such thing. I have made it clear to Zevran that he was no longer to slip potions into people's drinks – unless ordered to do so – and that our relationship is of none of his nosy business."

Alistair just huffed and she shook her head before she remembered something she had discovered earlier and decided it would make a good distraction. She removed the chain from around her neck and dangled it between them.

"Here." His eyes widened as he gently grasped it in his hands before looking at her.

"Where did you find it?" she let the chain go, watching his face.

"The Arl's study. I was looking for books," she admitted with a shrug. He chuckled fondly and she frowned.

"You and your books," he gently teased her and she felt her cheeks heat up as she felt a shy smile crossed her lips then her gaze fell to the amulet.

"It is your mother's, right?" she asked, lifting her gaze once more. "You once told me of the amulet you threw away."

"Yes, it," he nodded. "I am surprised you remember." She softened, ignoring the way her heart panged at the comment

"It meant something to you," she told him. "I was surprised when I discovered it and I decided that you should have it. Maybe the Arl meant to give it to you at some point but I had a feeling you would have been more receptive if I had been the one to do so."

"You are right," Alistair brought his hand down to his lap. "Eamon and I still have a long way to go before I would accept anything from him, including my mother's amulet."

Elissa stayed silent. She knew Alistair would not appreciate her real thoughts on Eamon, at least not at the moment. It was not the right time and she wondered if he knew or at least suspects Eamon's true intentions regarding putting Alistair on the Throne.

Yes, Alistair was the last of the Therein line, but did that actually mattered? Especially in the face of the Blight?

She turned to look out of the window, pushing the thoughts aside. She did not need to think about this right now, she did not want to think about it. There were too many things to focus on than an old man's demands.

"So, tell me, how a beautiful noble woman like you discovers books?" he gently teased her. She turned to face him, grateful he had changed the conversation. "Most noble women are too busy with men and their looks to even discover anything past a mirror."

She burst out laughing, pushing at his shoulder as he did.

"You have no idea how right you are about some noble women," she warned him, still laughing before she shook her head. "I was lucky if my mirrors did not break due to my attempts of throwing my daggers in my bedroom, and as I told you before, Damon was enough to scare off the men."

Alistair chuckled as he took her hand in his, interlacing their fingers and she sighed happily. She always felt so calmed, so grounded just by his touch and she ran her thumb over the outside of his index finger.

"My grandfather," she told him. "He was an avid collector of books, no matter the topic. He was the one to introduce me to the library believing that a young girl should always have something to expand her imagination," she smiled as she drew her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arm around them. "It was a way to escape the realities of my future. My parents expected me to be married to a noble man, to learn the way of being a noble woman but I never wanted that so books were my escape."

She laughed as she shook her head. "The amount of times I lost track because I was so caught up in a story. It used to drive my mother crazy. However, my Grandfather loved it. He hated that I would have to marry a noble man – most likely because I would have to give up reading. It was not expected of a young woman to prove she could be smarter than her husband." She shook her head. "It did not stop my father and my brother from teaching me how to defend myself."

"Did your family have a different value when it came to women?" She could sense that he was genuinely curious and she nodded.

"Men were held with more respect, but the Cousland had always believed that no matter what you were born as, you were still important. My father never made a decision without consulting my mother first because he trusted her instincts. They believed a strong woman helped the foundation of a family."

She finally noticed Alistair watching her with dark eyes and suddenly wondered if she said something wrong.

"What?" she asked, pushing back her hair self-consciously.

"You never talk about your parents, or your family," he reminded and she shrugged.

"It is a little easier, for some reason," she sighed. "Or it could be I really do not think I have any members left."

"Hey," he tugged on her hand. "You still have your brother. If he is anything like you, Elissa, he is still alive and probably looking for you." She sighed.

"I..." her eyes fell to their hands before she bit her bottom lip." Fergus had a son." she heard Alistair inhale sharply. "He was **seven** , Alistair, and they just cut him down." She looked at him, anger burning through her. "What kind of threat did Howe think my nephew was? He was seven! All he wanted was to learn how to wield a sword, to know of dragons and griffons."

"Hey," Alistair tugged on her hand, pushing her legs off the seat and shifting so they were sitting side by side. "Howe will get what's coming to him. I promise," his voice was dark and she looked up into his hard face

"Your brother told me the same thing," she whispered and he flinched. She leaned in, pressing a kiss to his collarbone. "You should talk about it, Alistair. I am not the only one who lost a family," she murmured into his shoulder.

"You first," his voice was husky as he kissed the crown of her head. "You held this back for far too long." He tilted her head up by her chin so he could look at her, resting their foreheads together. "You are a strong woman, Elissa, but even you have limits and I see you reaching yours every day."

"It's hard," she finally admitted, closing her eyes. "Every time I think I am coming to grips with what happened, something just seems to set me back and I just...don't know what to feel."

She opened her eyes as a tear slipped free and she hurriedly wiped it away before looking down at their interlaced hands on her lap. "How do I mourn for my family when I do not know the reason for their deaths?"

"Tell me about your cousin," he whispered.

"Her name was Solona Amell," she smiled sadly. "We were twelve when she discovered she had magic. A nobleman's son had a problem with us not showing an interest in him so he tried to attack us. Solona pushed him away with mind blast – as we discovered later – and we ran away, promising not to say a word." She looked at him to see sympathy in his warm brown eyes.

"Let me guess, he woke up and went running to his daddy?" Alistair asked and she laughed bitterly.

"Went straight to the Chantry," she corrected and he arched an eyebrow. "Let's just say, he had made it a habit of not taking no for an answer and his father was more likely to protect Solona than give her up to the Chantry because his son decided to be a prick."

"Elissa," his tone was one of warning and she shook her head.

"He never touched me," she promised, squeezing their fingers. "My father refused to have him at the estate after Solona was taken away. He was furious; I had never seen him that furious in my life. He told the nobleman that he was allowed back at the estate but his son was never to come anywhere near the Estate, or me, ever again."

Elissa sighed, brushing back her hair. "Now I think about it, my mother gave my first bow the next day. I think it was a way to cheer me up after I lost Solona, she had been my sister, my best friend."

"Is she still at the Circle?" he asked and she bit her bottom lip.

"She is dead, Alistair." She looked at him. "She died during the assault." She chuckled sadly. "You saw her."

He frowned for a moment before his face went pale and he took in a shuddering breath.

"The broken girl," he whispered and she nodded. "Damn it, Elissa! For a moment, I had thought she had been **you**!"

"Running joke," she admitted brokenly. "I got the Amell black hair and blue eyes. Solona got the Cousland red hair and green eyes. Our families joked that we were separated, or swapped, at birth."

Alistair closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair as he let out a heavy sigh. She turned to look at the fire as image of Solona flashed across her mind.

Her body contorted unnaturally, her bones broken. Her dark red hair soaked with her own blood, her dark green eyes – filled with fire and life – glazed over, so dull and lifeless.

For a moment, she had not even recognised her until Alistair's sharp inhalation had jerked her back to reality and she turned to see him looking at her in horror before relief crossed his face.

Understanding, she turned back to her cousin and spotted the blasted ring, the ring that held the Cousland and Amell crests – the same ring she wore on a chain around her neck.

She had been so furious that she just stormed up and met the Mage who had formulated the whole assault and attacked him before he could even get one word out.

He had been the one who killed Solona – even if she did not know if it had been by his hands Solona suffered her fate – he was the reason why she was dead and she had been beyond all reasoning.

How ironic it had all been. When she chose to go to the circle to find a way to save Connor from the demon, she had not done it purely for selfless reasons nor had she done it to gather an ally in the battle against Loghain and the Blight.

She had done it purely so she could see her cousin, her sister, who had taken a part of her heart with her when Solona had been dragged away that fateful night, leaving them both shattered.

They had been so close that her family joked about them being twins from another lifetime.

Now...she had none of them. She did not have her father's warm laughter, teaching her how to see two moves ahead when it came to chess or checkers.

She no longer had her mother's warm embrace, or that scent of lavender and roses – ones that would banish the nightmares of when she was a girl – or the way her mother was so exasperated over her daughter's lack of interest in the men proposed to her as future husbands.

She no longer had her nephew, grinning and laughing as he darted away from her tickling fingers or that determined concentration when she taught him how to use the daggers properly, even though knowing it would earn her Oriana's ire yet she wanted Oren to be able to defend himself.

She no longer had Oriana's gentle voice or soothing presence, calming her whenever she faced with something out of her element, or that gentle teasing whenever a man had declared his interest in Elissa only be turned away.

She had Fergus – who was Maker knew where – and she thought she had Solona, only to be _too late_ – just as she had been too late to save Oriana and Oren, too late to save her father and too slow to convince her mother in leaving with them.

Alistair softly kissed her cheek and the dam broke. All the tears that had been dried up to that point finally broke loose and she doubled over, her heart finally unfreezing long enough to remind her she was human.

Her hand came to her mouth to muffle her sobs, her arm banding around her stomach as if she could still hold it all back, to freeze her heart once more and pretend she was unbreakable.

Alistair slid to the floor, pulling her with him then pulled in her into his lap, holding her close as she cried into his chest for everyone she had lost, for the lives they would no longer live and for the future her sister once had.

"I'm sorry," Alistair whispered, his hand slowly running through her hair. "I am so sorry, Elissa."

It made her cry harder, her fingers twisting in his nightshirt, burying her face deeper. She remembered opening the door, the light of the hallway illumining her path and there they were. The damnable soldier, who had killed them, was dead. They had fought to their last breath and it still had not been enough.

The image of the soldiers she had grown up with, the ones who would sneak her a sweet whenever she watched them train, the ones who taught her how fight, Ser Gilmore, who had been a childhood friend of hers pleading with her to leave them behind.

Her father, her beloved father who had been so unbreakable, lying on the floor, his blood pooling around him, slowly leaking from his fingers as he tried to stem the wound.

The hopeless look on his face when he saw them, the way he begged them to leave him. She had refused to accept that he was weak from his wound, that he would not survive them dragging him out.

He was her father and he never gave up, damn it! He always fought, had always seemed like an unbreakable hero from the books she read.

Then her mother vowing to stay behind with the man she loved, giving her daughter a head start on her escape with Duncan, a man who conscripted her into the Grey Wardens and a man who she came to hate for taking her away from her family when she could have done something to save them.

The man who had brought her to Alistair, a man who captured her attention like no other man had done before. A man who made her laugh when the day was at its darkest, a man who made her want to admit to her big brother that he had been right, she had met a man who could handle her.

The image of her sister lying on the ground, a casualty of a damn uprising that had cost them nothing but lives. She had been so full of life, so full of hope in her letters that seeing her lying there, her future ripped from her grasp was just too much to bear.

Why must her family die around her when she continued to survive? Why must she be the one to keep going, to take down the Blight when the Blight was corrupting and sending everyone into war? Who insisted on murdering and betraying each other for nothing but empty promises.

Vaguely she realised she had stopped crying, her anger burning everything before she screamed, letting loose of everything that had been bottled up inside of her ever since that night.

Alistair flinched beneath her before he held her close, murmuring something under his breath as her scream finally died out, leaving her breathing harshly.

Now...there was _nothing_ to feel.

A lick on her cheek caught her attention, she turned to see Damon sitting there with a solemn look on his face, and she smiled sadly, reaching out and running her fingers through his fur.

She still had Damon, her faithful companion, and she had Alistair – a man who was slowly taking over her heart, even though she could not admit it to herself, not yet.

"Thank you," she whispered to Damon as he leaned in and she pressed forehead against his. Damon just whined, gently head-butting her and she laughed as she pulled away, not before dropping a kiss onto his head and giving him another scratch.

He looked at her for a moment longer before concluding she was safe in Alistair's arms before heading back to his spot in front of the fire.

Elissa took a deep breath, turned back to Alistair's chest only to see the large wet spot, and cringed internally.

"I'm sorry, I soaked your shirt," she reached out but Alistair intercepted her hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing the back of it. Tears pricked her eyes as she looked up at him.

"I don't care," he whispered. Compassion was clear in his eyes. "I care about you."

Strange as it was, his words seemed to help heal up a little bit of the cracks around her heart and she wondered how she managed to find him admidst the darkness.

"Can you stay with me tonight?"

"Yes," there was no hesitation, no second guessing himself or wondering what Eamon would say – and he had laid down the law that everyone was to sleep in their own rooms, looking very clearly at her and Alistair that she had actually felt annoyed.

"Thank you," she leaned up and kissed him. He cupped the back of her head, his fingers twisting in her hair before it slid down to her back, sliding over to her waist while his other hand slipped under her knees and she was lifted into the air.

Breaking the kiss, she looked to see Alistair had somehow managed to get to his feet and was walking over to her bed. Despite herself, she was impressed...and aroused.

She had talked to Leliana over the feeling she had felt when she had that heated kiss with Alistair in the woods after their argument and Leliana had been a great help, explaining what it had meant – though she had ended up avoiding Alistair as a result for a short time, leaving him confused and Leliana laughing.

"Alistair," she looked up at him but he kissed her gently before settling her on the bed. She shifted so she gave him space, lying down and feeling drained and sleepy.

For the first time in a long while, she think she might be able to sleep well tonight without being plagued with nightmares and she relished the feelings when movement out the corner of her eyes caught her attention and she shifted.

Alistair stripped off the shirt and her cheeks did not even flame. Later – she would blush later, especially as she savoured the memory of the chiselled abs before her, the way his sleep pants hung low on his hips, the way the muscles in his arms bunched up as he dropped the shirt on the floor before climbing into bed with her.

She rolled over onto her side and closed her eyes when she felt Alistair's hard chest press up against her back, his arm sliding over her waist and pulling her in closer. She still marvelled that they fitted together perfectly, almost as if they were two pieces of a puzzle.

He pulled the sheets and comforter over their bodies, safeguarded from the cold air during the night when the fire no doubt died out.

He swept her hair aside, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck and she shivered.

"Alistair?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't leave." She felt him smile against her skin.

"Never." He kissed her shoulder and she sighed, finally falling asleep.

TBC

I really think Connor would make a good Grey Warden, if he is given the chance, (and I just really love my head canon that Connor follows Alistair around the estate whenever the Wardens and co visit). [I wonder if he will show up at all in DA:I if you chose to save him]

(And – err – sorry regarding Mage origins head canon, and if you cried, and I **swear** the next time I write in Elissa's POV, it **will** be happier. Alistair always seems to get the happier chapters; I noticed that.

Really sorry, again ^-^;

But, hey! I actually wrote and posted this! Wee hee!

(Moreover, do not ask about the title – I have no idea where it came from)

Also it's a funny thing how I came about Cousland and Amell being relationed. My Elissa always had black hair and blue eyes, while Aedan always has brown hair and brown eyes so when DA:II came out, I thought they ended up looking similiar. Then it was revealed that Hawkes were related to Amell and bang, head canon created.

Go figure huh?


	6. The Things We Need To Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: The Things We Need To Face
> 
> Pairings: Alistair/Elissa
> 
> Summary: He needed to face this, no matter what he might think or wish.
> 
> Timeline: Return to Ostagar
> 
> Warnings: Spoilers for the DLC
> 
> When he saw Elissa huddle deeper into her fur-lined cloak, cheeks and nose pink from the cold, he

Title: The Things We Need To Face

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa

Summary: He needed to face this, no matter what he might think or wish.

Timeline: Return to Ostagar

Warnings: Spoilers for the DLC

When he saw Elissa huddle deeper into her fur-lined cloak, cheeks and nose pink from the cold, he wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and kiss that nose. She looked adorable.

She shot him a glare when she noticed him watching, pulling up the collar of her cloak so it covered her nose and he smiled before shaking his head, looking away as those dark blue eyes hardened with annoyance.

Elissa had not been kidding when she told him that she could not handle the cold. He supposed it was a good thing they had saved up all those pelts they gathered. Morrigan had been able to fashioned covers out of them. As well as lining their cloaks with the fur.

If they had the choice, Elissa would be more than happy back at their camp, sitting in front of the fire with a book in her hands and resting against his chest as he played with her hair. Ever since that night in Redcliffe, he had managed to encourage her into letting her hair down at night, just so he could run his fingers through the dark locks.

However, they had no such choice. They had come across Elric Maraigne, Calian's right hand man, cornered by the soldiers of the noble who had been holding him. They had been too late to save him but he had managed to tell them that Calian had important documents they needed to collect.

Now they were at Ostagar, a place he thought he would never return since the Darkspawn took over, killing everyone.

"Why are we here?" he heard Sten ask and looked over his shoulder to see the Qunari looking down at Elissa. She sighed, pulling down her collar.

"Because we were asked to," she reminded, looking up at the large warrior. "Those papers could be vital in the future, and the sword is powerful, Sten. We cannot allow the Darkspawn to get their hands on it." She looked at Alistair and he looked away, not liking the look in her eyes. "And Alistair needs this."

She had lowered her voice but he could not miss it. It was funny, ever since the joining, he could feel her no matter where she was – it was how he sensed her slipping away from camp that night – and it felt like he could hear her no matter how low she kept her voice or how far away she was.

He shook his head, coming back out of his thoughts. He did not  **need**  this. He only told Elissa it was better to get their hands on Calian's things, it would not be right to leave it in the hands of the Darkspawn.

Then again, he did say she better take him along since he had left some Darkspawn behind that needed killing.

He sighed as they came to a stop in front of the gates that would lead them into Ostagar. Damon sat down next to Alistair, licking his fingers in comfort and he absently scratched the hound's head. Now he knew why Elissa always wanted Damon with her, he just knew when they needed to be comforted.

Elissa stood next to him, her hand on his arm and he looked down at her to see that she was staring ahead, worryingly nibbling her bottom lip.

"Hey." He turned to face her. She looked up at him causing her hood to fall back a little and his thumb came up to her bottom lip, stroking it. He brought his head down, lowering his voice. "I'm the only one who is allowed to nibble your lip."

Her rosy cheeks turned rosier as she smiled bashfully, her eyes lowering and he liked it. Most women he had met were the ones to come on to him – even the sisters at the Chantry, though most of them just like to tease him – but she never did, wanting to take their relationship slow and he never thought he would meet someone like her.

"Are you quite finished flirting with each other?" Morrigan's scathing voice asked causing Alistair to hunch, gritting his teeth and Elissa to raise her gaze, smiling at him before she looked at Morrigan.

"I doubt that." She sent a teasing smile in Morrigan's direction. "He is irresistible when it comes to flirting." She winked and Alistair's jaw dropped. Morrigan let out a disgusted scoff.

Laugher came from Zevran and Leliana while Wynne and Sten rolled their eyes.

"I really do wonder if you have not cracked your head harder than mother believed," Morrigan muttered as she pushed past them and walked into Ostagar with Wynne and Sten following her.

"Oh, that was marvellous my dear," Zevran bowed at the waist before straightening. "You are becoming a wonderful student." Elissa smiled sweetly.

"Leliana  _is_  a good teacher," she said just as sweetly and Leliana laughed brightly, slipping her arm through Elissa's as Zevran's smile faded to mock hurt, his hands coming over his heart.

"My dear, you wound me." He gave a wicked smiled. "Though I am sure you could soothe my poor wounded ego. Later, perhaps?"

"I will hit you if you don't stop flirting with her," Alistair threatened evenly as he watched Leliana lead Elissa away from the two of them, both of them giggling as Elissa blushed at Zevran's words.

"Now, now my good warrior. There is no need for threats." They followed the women.

"It's not a threat," Alistair gritted as he glared at the Elven Rogue and got an impish smile in return.

"Promises are even better," Zevran purred and he winced, feeling his own cheeks heating up.

Why had Elissa agreed to take on the elf again? Oh yes, more allies against Loghain – she knew his weakness.

He did not know what to make of the assassin. He had been against the idea of bringing Zevran along, only because he feared Zevran would stab Elissa in the back. Then he started flirting with Elissa. Though Alistair could hardly blame Zevran for being attracted to Elissa, it still annoyed him.

"Relax, my dear Prince," Zevran's voice brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to see Zevran smiling softly at him. "I know Elissa is with you. A blind man could tell." Alistair cleared his throat, suddenly feeling shy as he rubbed the back of his neck. "So do not fear; I have no intentions."

Alistair frowned, unsure if he should be relieved or offended.

"Then why flirt?" he asked. The damn elf gave him a sultry chuckle that he had to blink at the assassin in disbelief.

"She is very beautiful when she is blushing, no?" He gave Alistair a knowing grin. "And she is not the only one I flirt with, my dear prince."

"Eh?" He was not sure where Zevran was heading with this line of conversation only to take a step back when he heard Zevran purr. He gulped before he turned on his heels and ran toward the girls, leaving behind a very amused elf chuckling.

He reached the girls, dodging Elissa's questioning look, rubbing the back of his neck at Leliana's knowing look. Maker's breath, he hated their friends sometimes.

"Shall we continue?" Morrigan's cold voice caught their attention and they turned to see her glaring at them from where she was standing with her arms crossed, looking very much like a displeased mother.

"Yes," Elissa nodded as she and Leliana exchanged wide eyes before they dutifully followed Morrigan with Alistair and Zevran taking up the rear.

Wynne and Sten were already waiting near the entrance to Ostagar when they arrived. Alistair stopped next to Wynne, who gave him a look. It was part sadness and part something else that he could not quite recognise and dread coiled in his stomach before he took a deep breath, steeling his nerves as he stepped past through the gates.

He was back in Ostagar and he took in the sight. What had been a bustling crumbling tower was now nothing more than a graveyard. He looked around and he could see where everything used to be. How quickly the Darkspawn worked, there was practically no evidence of their army that had once stationed here.

He clenched a hand into a fist, his senses tingling. The Darkspawn were near but they were still at a distance. They were safe, for the time being.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead before he looked at Elissa.

"Shall we move on?" he asked and she gave him a jerky nod.

"Let's," she agreed.

"I can sense Darkspawn just over the rise." He pointed in the direction that led to the once enclosed space where the King had held his meetings. She huffed out a bitter laugh.

"Well, you did say your sword wanted to meet some Darkspawn," she reminded him ruefully.

"Please don't remind me." He rubbed his forehead before he and Sten led the way, unsheathing their weapons. Both warriors placed their backs against the wall, Sten peering forward only to pull his head back when an arrow struck the spot he vacated.

He looked at Alistair, who nodded and both of them charged into the area with Damon following them. Arrows and spells shot past the warriors, Alistair lifting his shield to block whenever one of them got too close before he dispatched a Darkspaw.

Sten was already engaging the large Hurlock but there was one using magic. Alistair knew they needed to disable the mage first before they could tackle the others since they liked to heal themselves and the other Darkspawn, making their battles longer and difficult.

Taking a deep breath, he concentrated before uttering a chant and the mage was immobilised by a bright light, mana drained.

Elissa took the advantage, using her arrow of slaying while Damon overpowered the Mage Darkspawn, ensuring it stayed down while the rest worked on dispatching the rest of the Darkspawn."

Overall, it had been quick and relatively clean, leaving them with minor scratches. Elissa and Alistair were quick to check everyone's wounds to make sure the taint had not entered them. They had not been lucky to find any notes on the Joining.

Duncan had meant to show Alistair how to set up the Joining. However he had died before he had the chance and the rest of the Grey Wardens cut off, leaving them without help. He honestly had no idea what to do if any of their friends contracted the taint. However so far, they had been lucky and he could only hope it kept.

He came out of his thoughts to see Elissa was already searching the bodies; she was the safest one to do since she already had the taint. Alistair knelt down next to her while the others scouted outward, checking for any danger while Leliana and Zevran were checking for traps.

"Anything useful?" Alistair asked.

"A few ingredients," Elissa admitted as she stood up from the Genlock. As she moved toward the next one, something gold caught Alistair's attention. Slowly turning his head, he could only stare in disbelief at the sight of the golden greaves currently on the mage's feet and something inside of him squirmed.

He moved closer, wanting to be sure, he was seeing it. Up close, there was no doubt.

"Alistair?" he heard Elissa ask and she appeared next to him. He shook his head.

"I...I honestly don't know if I should cry or laugh," Alistair admitted as he bent down, slowly tugging off the golden greaves. "These are Calian's."

Elissa placed a hand on his shoulder as he stood up, holding the heavy armour.

"Do...do you want to take them with us?" she whispered. He stared at the armour longer before he turned to face her and nodded.

"Let's. It does not seem right to leave them here where the Darkspawn can paw at them. Either way, I am sure the Queen would happy to have something of Calian's." Elissa just looked at him with those dark eyes. He really wished she would not. It made him wish he could kissed her to stop her train of thoughts, sad and unpleasant he knew they were.

"Okay, we'll take them." She gently took the greaves and he turned around so she could place them into the backpack he carried. Once she buckled it back up, he shifted the pack, adjusting to the extra weight then turned back around.

She was staring at him before she seemed to shake herself out of her thoughts. "Do you think Anora will take his armour?"

"I do not know," he admitted. Even he had heard the rumours of the arguments that Calian had with Anora. Add in the fact that her father was the one telling people Grey Wardens had betrayed the King, he did wondered if Anora believed the rumours. "I guess we will find out," he told her softly and she nodded before her eyes slid past him and upward.

He turned to see it was the path leading up to the area where Duncan had held the joining ritual and swallowed back a stab of pain as he remembered the older man.

"Elissa." He turned to face her but she shook her head.

"Come on." She took his hand and tugged on it, leading him up. He followed her, the memories of her Joining flashing through him as they reached the top. It was funny but it seemed like it was a lifetime ago since she had joined the Grey Wardens.

She let go of his hand, moving toward the now broken wall that revealed another area they had not known was there. He smiled, she was always so curious; looking into every room just to see what was there, what secrets it held.

He reached the spot where he had stood that night and all he could remember  _was the cold dread when he watched Daveth take the chalice then died. He had been brave to the end._

_Jory had backed away, drawing his weapon and Duncan had been quick to kill the fearful man, apologising before turning and handing the chalice to Elissa. She took the chalice, fear clear on her face and the dread had turned to icy fear clutching at his stomach. He did not know what he would have done if she had not survived the Joining. He had only lost one recruit during his Joining._

_Seeing the bloody carnage so close to the upcoming battle had left him unsettled and praying to the Maker that she would survive, that they would not lose another to the taint. That fear had paralyzed him when she dropped the chalice, her hands going to her head as pain wracked her body before her head snapped up and he could see the whites of her eyes. Then she fell to the ground, lifeless._

_He had held his breath as he knelt down next to her, Duncan's fingers already searching a pulse before he told Alistair that she was still alive. It was strange that he felt so relieved over the young woman surviving but he felt that he had bonded with her in the short time they had worked together._

He shook his head, urging the memories away.

"Alistair..." He turned to see her standing there with the Joining chalice in her hands. She was looking at it with a sad resigned look and he sighed, walking over to her. She looked up at him, tears filming her eyes.

"You know," he took the chalice out of her hand, "I saw this briefly before my Joining. I had different theories to what the chalice indicated. A drinking contest, a throwing contest, I even thought we would win the chalice if we were pitted against each other." He smiled as he shook his head. "Man, the recruits – who survived – never forgave me. They had psyched themselves out trying to prepare themselves for the Joining."

Elissa laughed softly, her eyes fond. He shrugged helplessly as his smile turned sadder. "Duncan seemed to find it funny. Once he got over his shock."

"I have a feeling Duncan had a fondness for your sense of humour," she told him wryly and they shared a smile as they remembered Duncan rolling his eyes, quickly hiding his smile, when Alistair told Elissa that he would wear a pretty dress and dance the Remigold just for her.

"It is strange how things can make you remember things so clearly." He looked at the chalice remembering each recruit he had travelled with, gotten to know and for the first time, had felt right at home.

Then again, he looked at Elissa and gave her a wry smile as he reached out, touching her face. "I did get something good out of the Joining."

She smiled brightly but failed to keep the tears back so he pulled her in for a hug. Her arms went around his waist, holding him close as she buried her face into his shoulder. He kissed the side of her head before he chuckled softly. "I was right; one good thing about a Blight is how it brings people together."

She laughed brokenly into his shoulder as he brought his head down next to hers. She had been wrong. Alistair had not been the only one who needed to come back to Ostagar and face the truth, to face his nightmares. She had lost so much that night as well. So did Wynne, if the sad look on the mage's face whenever she looked at the camp where the mages and Templars had been stationed was any indication.

Their lives changed that one night and they alone carry the memories of those who fought bravely for a battle they could not win.

They alone had to end the Blight, to bring peace for those who died bravely.

He did not know how long they stood there, just wrapped up in each other arms. Her tears had stopped at some point, no longer sniffling. He kept his face buried in her hair, just needing to feel her close to him, to know that they were still alive despite all odds.

Soon a clearing of throat alerted them that they were no longer alone. Elissa pulled back from Alistair as he lifted his head, turning to see Morrigan was standing there.

"We're coming," Elissa told the witch, who gave her a short nod before spotting the chalice that was still in Alistair's hand and narrowed her eyes.

"We're taking it with us," Alistair told her. Her yellow eyes snapped up to his.

"What exactly do we need this... _chalice_ for?" Morrigan asked, distaste clear on her face at the stained chalice. To be fair, the Darkspawn were not big on cleaning things.

"It's the Grey Warden Joining Chalice," Elissa explained. "It's only right that Alistair and I take it with us. You never know we might get lucky and find some notes on how to recreate the Joining ritual."

"Or the Grey Wardens would be glad to have it back," Alistair added. "You never know, it could have belonged to some really rich and fancy King at some point and he just might cry if we lost it." The glare he got from Morrigan was just worth it.

"Twould be a shame if we lost  **you** ," Morrigan snarled before she spun on her heels and stormed off. Alistair just smirked at Elissa as she pulled herself completely out of his embrace.

"Oh Alistair." Elissa shook her head but amusement shone on her face.

"What?" he asked, feigning innocence. She just arched an eyebrow at him. "Come on, it was funny," he told her and she smirked.

"You won't find it funny if she changes you into a frog as payback," she reminded him tartly and he froze, his eyes widening as he stared at her.

"You don't think she would, would she?" he asked and she shrugged.

"Think about that the next time you decide to annoy her, Alistair," she warned him as she walked past him, walking down the path to meet with the others. He looked down at Damon, who had appeared at some point.

"Heh, Morrigan wouldn't change me into a frog, right?" he asked the hound, chuckling nervously. The hound stared at him before he turned around and followed his mistress and Alistair's shoulders sagged. "You were supposed to back me up!" He followed the hound.

Damon just barked as he caught up with Elissa and she turned, smiling down at her hound while reaching to scratch him before she stiffened, frowning. Damon turned his head, growling and Alistair felt the familiar feel of the darkness surging through him, unsheathing his sword.

Sten looked at Elissa, his hand going to the hilt of his sword when the Darkspawn burst out from behind the pillars, Genlocks breaking free of the shadows they had cloaked themselves in and Alistair gritted his teeth. He hated the blighted Genlocks that could cloak themselves.

Damon had tackled one of the Genlocks to the ground just as arrows rained over their heads. On instinct, Alistair raised his shield as he moved closer to Elissa. Morrigan sent out an arc of fire, burning the arrows and providing them cover.

A cry of victory caught their attention to see on the larger Hurlock with his sword raised high in the sky before he pointed it at them and Darkspawn swarmed toward them.

Elissa had already stepped back, her bow in her hands and she used scattershot, stunning the enemies running toward them.

Sten, Alistair and Damon took advantage, rushing toward them and cutting them down while Zevran and Leliana took pot shots, distracting the larger ones so Wynne and Morrigan could set up the field to their advantage.

Traps triggered; Damon overpowered some of the smaller Darkspawn allowing easy dispatch while helping to tear down the larger ones, especially those who kept edging closer to Elissa when her back was turned.

Alistair used his shield to bash away those who were stubborn, Sten helping to finish them off, all of them edging closer to Elissa to shield her as she switched to daggers as her bow became useless due to the lack of distance.

"Having fun yet?" she asked breathlessly as his back pressed up against hers, blocking the blows from the Hurlock's heavy sword.

"Oh yeah, I'm having a blast," he replied sardonically and she laughed before the two of them darted forward, each attacking a Darkspawn.

Alistair was quick to block the sword with his shield, pushing the weapon aside as he plunged his own sword into the Hurlock's stomach, ripping it out the side before he spun around, and bashing the shield hard into the Genlock which was attacking Elissa, stunning it. Elissa threw dirt over his shoulder and into the Hurlock's eyes, if its roars of annoyance were anything to go by.

They switched places, Alistair quickly decapitating the Genlock and turning to see Elissa ripping up the Hurlock, before she kicked it hard in the stomach, sending it crashing backward onto the ground with a heavy thud. She caught his eyes and smirked.

Maker's breath, he really shouldn't find this arousing, but there was something about them battling together that got his blood pumping and made him want to drag her into his arms and kiss the living daylights out her.

He quickly shook his head, getting back into the battle before he ended up on the ground due to the Darkspawn taking him out.

The battle lasted longer due to the Darkspawn pouring out of the darkness. There had been traps set up by hidden Genlocks but the upside was that they had managed to retrieve another piece of Calian's armour and the key that led to the chest they had set out to find.

Thankfully, the chest was still in good condition, still in one piece at least, considering the devastation the Darkspawn had wrought. Within it had been Calian's shield, a shield he had customised to match Maric's sword – even Alistair had heard stories of that sword – and correspondences from the Empress Celene and a letter from Eamon.

Alistair had been surprised to see Eamon suggesting to Calian that he should set aside Anora for a more fertile wife, especially considering the fact it had taken Isolde, his own wife, a good few years before she had been able to conceive with Connor.

He filed it away, mentally reminding himself to show the letters to Elissa. Maybe she would have a suggestion what to do with them. Maybe it would even help Elissa in making her choice in keeping Anora the Queen.

However, it was the evidence that Calian had been indeed in contact with Orlais made him stop in his tracks for a moment. He knew of the war – hell, they still felt the effects even now – and Maric had been part of the army in taking back Ferelden that he wondered just what was his brother up to.

Had Calian been trying to find a way to unite the two warring countries? It would not have been through marriage – politically, maybe – since even he knew that the Empress preferred her women. However, his actions would have not made him popular to the country – especially to those who fought in the war and lived.

Now he wondered if this was a reason to why Loghain had left Calian on the battlefield. He knew Loghain had not been happy with Calian letting the Grey Wardens back in Ferelden – despite the fact that Maric himself had been the one to uplift the ban. He had been especially vehement about letting the Grey Wardens in from Orlais despite the Grey Wardens were neutral – owing no loyalty to any country.

He bumped into Elissa when she suddenly stopped in her tracks, distracted by his thoughts. His hands came up and cupped her arms as she stumbled forward under his weight before he looked at her.

Her blue eyes were wide with horror and Alistair had a feeling dread as he slowly turned in her direction only for the blood to drop from his head.

They had found Calian.

"Dear Maker," she whispered, taking a step back, her hand coming up to her mouth. She turned her head but Alistair could not tear his eyes away from the sight before him.

It was their King, his brother, strung up as if he was some sick trophy for the Darkspawn to display.

"A warning, no doubt," Morrigan said. He heard her moving behind him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Elissa whispered, her voice hoarse. "Let's just clear out the rest of the Darkspawn then we can put him to rest."

"Very well," Morrigan agreed.

How they could do this was something Alistair could not comprehend. What was the point in stringing people up, displaying them for the world to see? He never understood it when humans did it – and he had seen his fair share during the six months he travelled with the Grey Wardens – so seeing the Darkspawn doing the same thing.

It was enough to make him almost laugh aloud. How insulted would the people be if they were ever to find out just how alike they could be to the Darkspawn. He knew he should not be thinking this way but each day, it got darker and it was harder to see the bright side when it came to the people.

Seeing and hearing the horrors inflicted each day because of the Blight, because of the Darkspawns and because of the Civil war.

He looked down when he felt a hand cover his fist and followed the arm to meet Elissa's eyes.

"Come on." She tugged on him. Alistair sighed as he turned back to Calian.

"Forgive us," he whispered before turning completely, already pulling his sword free from his shield.

"Let us end this," Morrigan said as she stood next to Elissa as they saw a Necromancer standing at the far end. It let out a cackle before summoning his magic and brought the dead back to life.

He heard Damon growl low when the skeletons rose and he bit back a growl of annoyance himself. He really hated it when people brought back the dead.

He caught Elissa's eyes and pointed in the direction of them.

"Not Darkspawn," he enunciated very clearly and got an eye roll for his effort as she took one down and he flinched at the sight of the skeleton shattering then falling to the ground. It was a wonder how Damon had not made off with any of the bones yet.

With that, the archers and mages made quick work of the skeletons, allowing them to move forward without any restriction when Elissa spotted their next destination.

"Oh great, back to the tower of Ishal we go," Elissa said as she strapped her bow back on before she shot Alistair a irritated look. "If we get attacked by sudden Darkspawn and arrows; I am going to be very unimpressed."

Alistair just sighed. He got the message,  **loud**  and  _clear_.

~_TTWNTF_~

"These bloody tunnels, if I have to face another spider again, I  _will_  scream," Elissa muttered as she led them out into the open and Alistair had to bite his bottom lip to hold back his laughter. In addition, he was smart not to point out that she had screamed the first time she had seen one of the large spiders after they came across a strange abandoned camp surrounded by the spiders.

He did not know what was funnier – Elissa screaming in shock at the sight of the spiders or screaming in horror that her dog was suddenly on fire thank to Morrigan's handy ability to set their weapons on fire.

Damon had not been too impressed with his mistress after she doused a bucket of water – from the nearby lake – to try and put out the fire, which did not happen until Morrigan cancelled her spell. She then explained to Elissa that Damon's collar has runes helped to boost his attacks.

Needless to say it took a good amount of treats and pets before Damon forgave her.

"Please make sure I am out of earshot," Morrigan muttered under her breath and Alistair had to shake his head.

The tower had not been as bad as Elissa thought it would have been. They had gotten stronger in sensing Darkspawn this time around, especially now that Elissa could actually now sense them. Instead of going up, they went down the tunnel they had seen the first time around -where the Darkspawn had originally broke out of during the attack.

They reached the open were the army had lost the battle. He closed his eyes as the memories washed over him, bittersweet before he sensed the Necromancer once more and opened his eyes to see the damn thing was at the far end of the battlefield, as usual, with an dead ogre in between them.

He stopped breathing when he spotted the familiar weapons buried in the chest and instantly knew that was the Ogre Duncan had taken down while grievously injured.

The Darkspawn laughed as he weaved his magic, the skeletons of the army slowly rising up from the snow and he cursed before there was a rumble and he turned to see the Ogre was slowly getting to its feet and his eyes widened.

The others were already in battle with the skeletons that had taken the time to surround them.

"You have got to be kidding!" Alistair shouted as the ogre bellowed and dove toward them.

No...Not them...Elissa, who was being distracted by the dead soldiers and he ran toward her. "Morrigan!"

Morrigan's eyes flared before she flung her hand out and a fireball crashed into the back of the ogre. Nothing, it did not even make it falter. It wanted its prey.

"Elissa! Watch out!" Leliana shouted as Elissa dispatched the last dead that was distracting her and turned around in time to see the Ogre reaching out a large hand.

She gasped and jumped backward just as Alistair arrived in front of her, bringing up his shield and blocking the hand with grunt as he slid backward.

"Go!" She heeded his order and ran to the other side of the battlefield with Damon following her. Sten brought down his sword, roaring as he did and stabbing the ogre in the back. It let out an angry roar, kicking backward.

Sten had managed to move out of the way in time while Alistair brought his shield around, bashing the ogre as hard as he could, hoping to stun it for a moment.

No such luck as the Ogre pushed him aside, catching him off balance before he started toward Elissa once more.

Determination covered her face as she kicked the skeleton that was trying to attack her, her dagger slashing over it's the spine and severing it, causing the skeleton to collapse onto the ground once more before she pulled out her bow, an arrow already in her hand.

With a deep breath, the arrow was loose and drove itself into the ogre's chest, right where the heart would have been but it did not delay the monster, instead fuelling it on.

"It wants her!" Morrigan shouted, fury making her voice dark as she shot out her hand and clenched her fists, sending up a ring of light around the ogre. It stopped in place and Alistair let out a sigh only to pale when he saw the ogre was already beginning to regain movement.

"No way," he whispered. The ogres they had met had been stuck longer in the prison crush.

_This one is not normal_  his mind whispered.  _It was brought back and it wants to kill. It wants to kill her because it has been commanded to do so..._

No, he was not going to lose her, not to those blighted Darkspawn who already took away his brother and the Grey Wardens.

"Morrigan, Prison crush! Wynne, Paralyse it!" Both mages heeded his orders, stopping it in place for a moment, but a moment was all he needed as Elissa got out of the Ogre's reach. It started to unfreeze just as Alistair reached it, slamming his shield into its hand, batting it aside before he jumped up, his sword already stabbing into the spot where Elissa's arrow had hit.

With the combination of Alistair's weight and attack, the ogre fell backward and Alistair yanked his sword out just as they hit the ground with a heavy thud, sending a light shockwave before he raised his sword, yelling as he drove it into the ogre's forehead.

To his disbelief, it did not stop the Ogre as it reached up one hand, desperate to swipe him off when there was a scream and Alistair turned to see Elissa's face twisted with fury as she stabbed one dagger through the Necromancer Genlock's heart, the other one already spinning through the air and severed his head.

There was a moment of silence before the ogre let out one last bellow before it exploded beneath him, sending him flying. He vaguely heard another explosion just as he crashed onto the ground, hitting his head.

It was funny, he always thought 'seeing stars' was just a saying but look, there they were, sparkling and twirling around his head as tried to focus on them, blinking as they blurred and flickered.

"You are trouble," Morrigan's voice hissed out as she knelt down, her hand already glowing as Leliana showed up on his other side. He could faintly hear Elissa groaning and it made him want to go to her. He needed to see her; to make sure she was is okay. It was his job to protect her.

"Elissa," he croaked.

"She's fine, Alistair," Leliana assured him. "The Darkspawn exploded not long after the ogre; she was caught in the blast."

"Want to see her," he tried to turn onto his side only for Morrigan to pin him down and he glared up at her.

"You will see her when I have healed your head," she told him sternly. Her tone brook no argument and he reluctantly laid back down. He was in no mood to go against Morrigan, not with Elissa's warning of the witch turning him into a frog if he pissed her off enough.

A few minutes later and Morrigan backed off, breathing heavily as Leliana handed her a bottle of Lyrium, which she took with a grateful nod.

"You are healed, just take it easy for the time being," Morrigan told him as he slowly sat up. He gave her a short nod before he got up and made his way over to Elissa, who Zevran and Sten was helping up with Wynne fussing nearby.

Damon was the only one out of the lot of them that seem relaxed and unconcerned about the whole thing.

Elissa caught his eyes and she smiled relief and happiness clear on her face that he had had to smile back as he reached them. Sten and Zevran let her go, moving over to the skeletons to see if there was anything, they could salvage.

"You're okay," Elissa whispered as she touched his chest. He covered her hand with his.

"You were very nearly not okay!" Wynne snapped, causing them to look at her. "That was the most reckless things I have ever seen from the both of you!" Wynne scolded them. "Both of you were so caught in the horror of seeing the other attacked that you forgot yourselves and placed yourselves in more danger than needed." Alistair snuck at look at Elissa to see she was doing the same and gave him a sheepish grin, which he returned. "Honestly!" Both of them stepped away from each other, knowing this was not the time.

They looked back at Wynne who looked so exasperated that he felt sorry for the mage. Despite her disapproval of their relationship, she did care for them in her own way and he hated that he made her worry like that.

"We're sorry," Elissa spoke up. Alistair nodded and Wynne crossed her arms. "The ogre didn't seem to be stopping despite what anyone did and I thought since the Genlock brought the ogre back, then maybe his death would be the thing to stop it?"

"So you risked everything on a hunch?" Wynne asked, arching an eyebrow and Elissa flushed, her eyes lowering.

"It worked," she muttered, digging the toe of her boot into the ground, looking for much like a child in trouble. He smothered his smile only to blanch when he spotted Wynne's disapproving look on him and he ducked his head.

"Yes, and both of you were caught in the explosion when the Darkspawn decided to explode," she reminded.

"To be fair, none of the Darkspawn we have encountered have ever exploded before," Elissa brought her head up. "So I do not think any of us actually expected that."

"It was mostly abominations," Alistair added in helpfully and Elissa nodded. Wynne looked back and forth between the two of them before she sighed, shaking her head.

"Wynne," Elissa stepped forward and took her hand, startling the older mage. "Thank you for worrying about Alistair and me. However it  **is**  our job as Grey Wardens to take down the Darkspawn, even at the cost of our lives."

"Very smart," Wynne finally approved and Elissa smiled.

"You were the one who was worried," she reminded. "Alistair and I know our duty, sometimes it feels like the rest of you tend to forget that." Wynne sighed.

"Now I feel like an old woman." Alistair chuckled, causing them to look in his direction.

"Somehow Wynne, I cannot see that." He gave her a fond smile as she narrowed her eyes at him. "You are just not used to being lectured by Elissa." She stared at him for a moment longer before she smiled down at Elissa.

"I supposed I am not," she gently agreed, squeezing Elissa's hand before she pulled away and walked over to the others. Alistair was grateful for that and he pulled Elissa's into his arms, holding her close.

"We should probably stop scaring the others and each other."

She laughed into his chest before she tipped her head back and kissed his chin before looking into his eyes.

"Probably, but we are in a battle. Is that not why they offered to come with us? To help us stop the Blight?" she asked and he scoffed.

"They probably expected some sweet innocent woman who was more than happy to make sure she stayed safe on the battlefield. Maker knew that what I thought I was getting when I first met you."

"Sweet and innocent, huh?" she teased, her lips turning into that devious smile. "Funny, I could say the same about you,  _my prince_ ," she purred and he shuddered half out of arousal and the other half out of horror over hearing that damn nickname.

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to use that against me?" She arched a sly eyebrow.

"No, Alistair. You  **told**  me that I was not to use that nickname again. I, on the other hand, really like using it."

"Elissa..."

"Hush," she pressed herself up on her tips toes and kissed him softly. He resisted for a moment before he gave in, kissing her back. She was alive and whole in his arms. The explosion had not killed either of them and they had managed to eradicate the Darkspawn at Ostagar, allowing them to retake it.

She broke the kiss but he kept his eyes closed, just savouring the moment.

"I still don't want to be King," he told her. She pressed another kiss to his chin and he opened his eyes this time to look down.

"I am only calling you my prince," she reminded and he narrowed his eyes.

"If I beg really nicely, would you drop it?" he asked hopefully and she smiled slyly.

"Your wish would be my command, my prince," she nipped his bottom lip and his eyebrows shot up, interested.

"Really?" he had to ask. He was probably pushing himself into a corner where she carefully planned her trap but it sounded so... _promising_.

"Wouldn't you like to know," she teased and he groaned, shaking his head before he pulled away from her, narrowing his eyes.

"Come on, we still need to find Calian's helmet if we ever wish to leave this place," he told her and she nodded as both of them walked over to where the ogre and Genlock necromancer exploded.

The first thing they found was Duncan's daggers embedded in the Ogre's chest. Alistair carefully put them away in his bag knowing Elissa would not take them. Maybe Leliana or Zevran would prefer them.

They moved closer to the other bloody area and Alistair spotted the helmet that belonged to Calian. He lifted it up, seeing parts of his reflection among the blood that covered the golden shine.

He gently wiped it as much as he could – it would have to wait until they got back to the camp to get a full clean and shine. He shuddered at the thought of Anora's expression if they were to hand them back to her all bloody.

"That's the last of Calian's armour," Alistair told Elissa and she nodded, putting the helmet into the bag before she looked at up at him.

"Are you ready to see him again?" she asked. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and shook his head.

"No, they just strung him up, Elissa. Like he was trash."

"I know," she whispered.

"But we can't leave him there. He deserves better than that." She nodded before she reached out, gently taking his hand, lacing their fingers.

"Come on," she whispered, he nodded allowing her to lead him. They both made their way over to the group and they all proceeded into the tunnel.

~_TTWNTF_~

He knew Darkspawn were sadistic – he had seen many methods of their killings while with the Grey Wardens, while travelling through the forest with Elissa to get blood for the joining but he had never seen this before.

Just how intelligent were those Darkspawn if they managed to put the King on display like this – how did they knew who the King was? It made him shudder at the thought and frown. Duncan had thought there was something off about this Blight. Maybe he was seeing the evidence of Duncan's fears?

"What should we do with him?" Leliana asked. Alistair could not even tear his eyes away from the sight to look at the bard but Elissa had taken over.

"We'll build him a pyre," Elissa spoke up. "He was the King; he deserves it regardless of what people may think. He died fighting the Darkspawn; it's more than what most people have done." She shot him a dark look and he knew she was thinking of Loghain.

"Do we really have time for this?" Morrigan asked. Alistair felt his hackles rise as he turned to glare at the witch.

"Yes," Elissa cut in sharply, causing Morrigan to arch an eyebrow. "He may have not been your King, Morrigan, but he was ours – and he was Alistair's brother."

Both of them locked in a staring contest when Morrigan gave her a short nod, conceding.

"Very well." Elissa relaxed.

"Thank you," she whispered to Morrigan.

Alistair, Sten and Zevran had been tasked with finding the logs while Elissa, Morrigan, Leliana and Wynne found straws and papers, anything to help with the kindling and ropes for tying the logs together so it would not collapse during the burning.

Sten helped Alistair to cut down Calian before he picked up their King and placed him on the Pyre. Alistair positioned Calian's hands over his chest before he stepped back as Wynne and Morrigan stepped forward.

With their hands outstretched, the fire flickered to life in their hands before burning within the logs. Thanks to their magic, the fire started burning brighter and higher before they stepped back and watched the man who had once been their King.

Alistair wished they could have had the chance to bring his body back to Anora, to allow her the chance to seeing her husband off but there was no time, and there was no guarantee that they would even get to see the Queen when they reach Denerim.

At least they would be able to tell Anora that they gave him a send-off rather than leaving him strung up. He shook his head and he felt Elissa slip her hand into his.

He looked down at their hands before he looked at her. She gave him a sad smile, one filled with understanding, before she turned back to the fire and he did the same thing, his heart feeling a little lighter.

He was not on his own any more. He had her and for once, it was enough.

~_TTWNTF_~

He swung the axe through the air before it landed neatly onto the block of wood, splitting it. It was funny how something so mundane and repetitive could clear his mind, make him feel at ease. He chuckled mirthlessly as he shook his head, picking up another block of wood and placing it onto the stump and swung the axe once more.

He reached out to pick up another block when a rustling caught his attention and he sensed  _her_.

"Alistair..." He turned to see Elissa standing there, shifting on her feet with her hands clasped in front of her. "I'm sorry." She looked up at him. "For the loss of your brother. For the loss of the Grey Wardens. I...They were your family and they deserved better."

"Elissa..." He placed the axe to the side as she moved closer to him.

"I just...don't bottle it up, Alistair," she pleaded. "You saw what it did to me. I am here if you ever wish to talk, so are the others. Just... **please**..."

He pulled her into a hug, cutting her off. Her arms hung at her side in surprise for a moment before she gently wrapped her arms around him.

"Thank you," he said, brushing his lips over her ear and she shivered in his embrace. "You were right; I did need to go back to Ostagar, to face the truth of what happened." She was silent for a moment before she sighed.

"I think we both did," she sighed as she gently pulled away from him. "I have been running away from my family's death and we've been running since Ostagar. I do not think we ever actually sit stop and let what happen sink in for us. We were too caught up in our hate and anger to see our grief."

"Look at you," he teased and she scoffed, a laugh escaping from her.

"You are a jerk." She shoved him and he laughed as he tugged her back into his embrace.

"Yes, a jerk you like kissing," he teased her. She shook her head as a smile lit up her face. She did not deny it and it sent a warm feeling spreading through his chest. "It's nice to see you like this. To know that it is okay to talk about what you went through."

"Thank you," she tilted her head, "for being patient with me and understanding. Moreover, I want you to know that I will do the same. When you feel you are ready to talk about it, I'll be right there – no matter what."

"You shouldn't make promises you might not be able to keep," he gently teased her but her expression turned serious.

"I mean it, Alistair. I am here for you. I know I was not grateful about Duncan but you respected the man." He did not know how it was possible but she kept surprising him every day.

"Thank you." He kissed her forehead. "It means a lot."

They stood in silence for a moment before he broke it. "I am angry." She just continued to look at him. "I am angry – I don't even know who I am angry at. At Calian for knowing, it was a battle he was not going to win and putting himself in danger like that, risking his country to a civil war. At Loghain for abandoning us all, for blaming us for the death of the King when he was the one who left us? At Duncan for keeping us out of the battle."

He dropped his hands and took a step back, needing to breathe. "I know it's stupid, if he hadn't sent us to the tower, we would have probably died on the battlefield with him but I can't help but think that maybe we could have made a difference."

"Maybe we could have," she told him and he sighed, shaking his head.

"You're humouring me," he told her and she shrugged. "I sincerely doubt Flemeth would have plucked us from the battlefield if we had been on it and no other Grey Wardens would have been sent to the tower." Elissa sighed.

"Alistair, we can't change the past," she told him with a bitter smile. "But we can learn from it. We use this mistake and we learn from it. Our country is at risk with the Darkspawn getting closer each day. Loghain is focusing his armies on the wrong enemies and we owe to Calian, and Duncan, to protect this country – to stop the Blight."

She looked so beautiful right at that moment, passionate and alive. Burning with a fire that not even her own hate or grief could drown out and it made him want to fall to his knees in thatnks that this woman had chosen him to spend whatever time they had left.

"We'll do it together, Alistair. I believe in you. We are Grey Wardens and we will stop this Blight. Yes, it will be hard, yes, we will face resistance. However, as long as we have each other, we can face anything that comes our way. Be it humans, mages, elves, dwarves or Darkspawn."

"You left out dragons."

She laughed as he gently tugged her back into his embrace, needing to hold her again.

"And Dragons," she added. "As long as you have my back, I'll have yours."

"I..."  _Love you._  "Want you to know that I am really grateful that you came into my life when you did." She smiled sadly, touching his cheeks with her gloved hands.

"So am I," she whispered before she pushed herself up onto tiptoes and kissed him.

_I love you_

Soon, he would tell her soon.

The End/TBC

Thanks to Pervinca T for betaing. (is that even a word?)


	7. A Future Yet to be Defined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: The Future Yet to be Defined
> 
> Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Summary: A nightmare leads to fun conversations
> 
> Timeline: After Deep Roads (involves Nature of the Beast)
> 
> Warnings: Er...fluff? Slight Angst?

Title: The Future Yet to be Defined

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland

Rating: Teen

Summary: A nightmare leads to fun conversations

Timeline: After Deep Roads (involves Nature of the Beast)

Warnings: Er...fluff? Slight Angst?

'The Future Yet to be Defined'

Elissa stifled a gasp as she woke up, her eyes snapping open and she saw she was safe in her tent. She held her breath, closing her eyes until she felt calmer and exhaled, rubbing her cheek against her pillow then turned around.

Alistair was sound asleep, his arm around her waist. She smiled softly before moving in closer, burying her face into his neck, her arm slipping around his waist, holding on. He was so warm, so _real_ that she felt safe, the nightmares slowly fading away leaving only the feelings behind.

"Hmm." Alistair shifted, tightening his arm around her waist, pulling her in closer and turning his head, pressing a kiss into her hair. "Nightmare?" his voice was scratchy with sleep.

"I'm fine," she whispered, shifting her head so she could kiss the side of his chin. "Go back to sleep."

"You're up," he reminded her and she smiled softly.

"There is no need for both of us to be tired in the morning, Alistair. Get some sleep."

"Talk about it," he insisted, his hand sliding under her night-shift and up her back. She shivered at the feel of the rough calluses against her skin. "You will feel better and we both can get some sleep."

"I don't want to," she admitted softly, shaking her head as she shuddered. The dream fresh in her mind and she shifted in closer, needing to feel grounded.

"Hey, I'm here," he whispered. "Was it about your family?" He had never pushed her further on her family's death since Redcliffe and she understood why he hadn't.

"Partly," she admitted. She still hadn't told him the full details of their deaths. She didn't think she could. "I think everything we've discovered is beginning to catch up with me."

"Hmm, Deep Roads?" She tightened her grip on him and he hummed gently under his breath.

"I don't care that we have to face our end in the Deep Roads, I am not doing that," she informed him, her breathing harsh. "Grey Wardens be damned."

"I know," he whispered, kissing her forehead as he did. "We'll find some other way."

"... _We_?" she shifted so she could look at his face, his eyes were still closed that she wonder if he was sleep-talking. She smiled softly, that would be like him.

"I'm not entering the Deep Roads without you," he told her seriously and her heart thudded. Tears pricked at the back of her eyes before she closed them. That was just like him. "Was it about the Deep Roads?"

"My family first; then it turned into the Deep Roads," She confessed. "I worry about the Dwarves. It cannot be good for them to be fighting that battle themselves. We are Grey Wardens, we should be helping them to reclaim their Thaigs and driving back the Deep Roads. Maybe we could find a way to stop a new blight, find the source of the Darkspawn-"

"Breathe," he reminded her and she took a deep breath. "I know what you are getting at, but we cannot make that choice. The Commanders are the ones who must give the orders."

"And they currently sitting about waiting for Ferelden to fall," she muttered darkly. She felt him stiffen and kissed his collarbone. He sighed, running a hand over her hair. This was an old argument and she wasn't going to push it, not tonight.

His hand resumed stroking her back and she felt calmer but she knew she had to confess the last part of her dream. Even just thinking about it caused her stomach to clench, her heart to feel like it was tearing itself to pieces.

"I never knew how much alike you and Calian were," she admitted softly. His hand paused in their stroking before she felt his chest heave with a sigh.

"Elissa-"

"It was part of my nightmare," she admitted. "Seeing Calian strung up. He changed into you and I think it dawned on me that you were truly brothers. He had blue eyes and lighter hair so it was easy to brush it aside."

"I..."

She could sense he was unsure how to proceed and she took it out of his hands. "It was just a nightmare."

"Didn't make it any less real for you," he countered and she huffed out a laughed.

"I know," she whispered, kissing his chest. "We cannot control my nightmare. All I can do is take it one night at a time and hope that I will find myself sleeping through the night undisturbed."

"But it's going to haunt you." She pushed the image out of her head.

"We'll find a way to get rid of the memory," she assured him. "Go back to sleep. That was all there was to my nightmare." A lie, one that he knew, but she did not want to waste his time any further. He needed his sleep and she needed the time to assess her nightmares.

"We can talk," Alistair protested and she laughed softly, shifting so she was looking at his face.

"I think you are sleep-talking," she playfully teased him only for her smile to fade when his eyes opened, free from sleepiness and she narrowed her eyes. "Well played, Ser." He arched an eyebrow before he shifted so he was now at her level. He reached out, touching her cheek.

"I cannot sleep when you cannot." He smiled. "It would not be very gentlemanly of me if I were able to sleep through your distress."

"Yet you can sleep through Damon's barking," she countered and he snorted.

"That's because your mutt is usually wanting us to get up so we can feed him. Despite the scraps he gets from the others." A fond smile played on his lips, she shook her head, amused.

"He's not a mutt," she muttered and he rolled his eyes.

"He keeps trying to take my space," he countered.

"That's because he used to being at my side." "And he's _jealous_. Did he ever sleep on your bed?"

She shook her head as she thought back to it before she smiled at a memory.

"He would sleep with me whenever I fell asleep in the library. He was my pillow, and my bodyguard. My father said that he would growl whenever someone stepped into the library. A mixture of a warning to stay quiet and to stay away."

"See, that dog still hasn't gotten it that I'm protecting you at night."

She laughed as she reached over and kissed him softly.

"He does, he's testing you." He pulled away, arching an eyebrow. "He did this with all the men. He scares them off by acting dominating. You're the only one he hasn't scared off so he is upping his game."

"Great, I'm now stuck in a mind-game with a dog, no less. And I thought Morrigan was bad." She laughed, caught off guard before she covered her mouth to muffle it lest the witch could hear them.

"You are so bad." She pushed his shoulder as he gave her a wicked smirk.

" _I'm_ bad?" he asked, leaning in and lowering his voice. "Which one of us lied to her about the death of her mother?" She flushed as she glared at him.

"I had to!" she whispered back. "Did you see how she was dressed? The old woman was waiting for us! She knew we were coming back."

"And lying?" He taunted.

"Better to keep an old enemy alive than risk a new one taking their place," she retorted before smiling at his bewildered look. "History lessons – they were always good for a reason. For those who wish not to repeat History are better off learning the past, lest they are doomed to repeat the actions of their Ancestors." She smiled fondly. "Old man always did like to talk but he was right."

"I wished I knew you back then," he told her and she tilted her head. "It seems like you were a mischievous child, always getting into scrapes and trouble. Sounds like you would have been fun to be around." She could hear the sadness in his voice.

"I would have thought you were cute," she admitted shyly and his eyes snapped to meet hers. She shrugged. "I'm not that different from my younger self."

"Oh, is that your way of telling me I'm handsome?"

She giggled, her eyes darting away from his as her cheeks heated.

"You know you are handsome," she corrected.

"Do I?" He asked. She looked at him. "You could be mistaking me for someone else." She narrowed her eyes and he conceeded. "Fine, I'm devilishly handsome. It was a wonder you could resist me as long as you could." He laughed as she spluttered before yelping as she tickled his side in retaliation.

"Don't get a big head, it's can spoil you." He waggled his eyebrow and she huffed, pushing his shoulder. "Honestly – you have been spending too much time with Zevran and Oghren. Where is the shy innocent man I once knew? I liked him."

She shifted onto her back, pulling out of his embrace completely, and crossing her arms, sulking as she glared at the ceiling of the tent.

"Apparently gone a wandering," he teased. She huffed before her vision was filled with his face, his brown eyes bright with laugher and happiness. The stress lines that usually creased his face during the days were gone, leaving behind a boyish looking face. "Are you really mad at me?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Yes."

"Is there anything I could do make up for it?"

"Regress."

He laughed, a joyous sound that made her heart warm. She had to fight to keep the smile off her face. She was supposed to be annoyed.

"Would you two **shut up**!" Morrigan's voice snapped from outside. Elissa flushed as Alistair hunched over, glaring at their tent flaps. "Some of us are trying to sleep out here!"

"Don't mind us, most of us are enjoying our imagination," Zevran added.

"Oh Maker." Alistair hung his head, shaking it before he turned back to her. "Do you think she heard everything?"

"Just your laughter," she tried to assure him only to get a wry look in return and she shrugged her shoulders. "Still mad at you."

"Of course you are." He smiled wryly as he slumped back onto the bedroll next to her. "So, what would it take? Flowers – I think I could find some more roses around. Or chocolate...I think I saw Sten hiding some."

"You _think_ you saw Sten hiding some?" she turned over to look at Alistair with an arched eyebrow. He flushed.

"I might have gone through his pack by accident, thinking it was mine."

"Oh, yes, I can _see_ how you would get them mixed up. Especially since Sten's seem to be in quite good condition while yours is falling apart."

He huffed. "Fine, I went through his pack hoping he had some of those cookies. I would ask him but keeps challenging me to a duel." She laughed and he grinned triumphantly and too late, she discovered what he had done.

"I'm supposed to be mad," she moaned, burying her face into her pillow. She felt him press a kiss to her shoulder and turned her head. He took the opportunity to kiss her. She moaned, her hand sliding over his jawline and into his hair as he pulled her in by her waist, pressing her up against his body.

He took his time, and it felt wonderful, just to be there in his arms, taking their time like nothing outside their tent existed. She played with his hair, enjoying the feel of it between her fingers. His hand slipped back under her night-shift (His shirt that she stole before they turned in for the night), lightly caressing her.

When they parted to breathe, she felt him smile against her lips as she hummed lazily.

"Forgive me?"

"You're making headway." His smile widened before he kissed her again and she felt her toes curl. Yeah, she forgave him. No harm in making him work a little more. Her fingers left his hair, following down to his jawline where she could feel the stubble. He had neglected shaving in the last few days and she had to admit she really liked it.

Her fingers traced his jawline before stroking his neck then curling over his shoulder. He sighed, breaking the kiss and rolling over so he was on his back. She followed him, curling into the side of his body, her fingers tracing the scar that followed his biceps. An attack by a bandit after they had been caught off guard. It was the reason why they started keeping their armour either on or close by when in camp.

She remembered how terrified she had been when she saw him being attacked, the blood streaming. She wonders if Alistair had spent more time trying to assure her that he was okay, that it was scratch than being more concerned about the fact that he was hurt.

She smiled slightly. If _that_ was considered as a scratch, she would hate to see what he considered as an actual wound. However it got her thinking about their future and she wonder what he saw in store for the two of them.

"Do...do you ever wonder about the future, after the Blight?" she asked. He stiffened underneath her and she tilted her head to see him looking at the ceiling with a pensive look. "Alistair?"

"No," he softly admitted and she frowned. "I never really allowed myself to look further than where I am. I..." he cleared his throat, scratching the side of his head, "Less likely to have my hopes dashed." She swallowed, bringing her head down to bury her face into Alistair's neck, pushing back the dark thoughts of his childhood.

"Well, do you have any idea what you would like for morning meal?" she turned the conversation around.

"What?" he sounded so bewildered.

"My turn to cook. You _can_ think that far ahead, can you not?" He was silent for a moment before his shoulders started shaking. Alarmed, she sat up to see he was grinning madly, shaking his head and she huffed.

"Nice try sweetheart," he teased and she felt her heart skip a beat at the term of endearment. She doesn't think he even knew what he said and she wasn't going to call him out on it.

"I was just asking," she replied defensively and he pinned her with a knowing look.

"Do _you_ think of the future?" he asked and she shrugged, her eyes dropping to look at his chest. It was safer than his eyes, he always seemed to know what she was thinking.

"Sometimes," She admitted. "Like what I will do when the Blight is over." She pushed back her hair. "I mean, I know that we'll have to go to the Grey Wardens, to give them our report." She really didn't want to go anywhere near the Grey Wardens.

"Hmm, you are planning on telling them you are leaving, aren't you?" he asked and she cursed the man for his innate ability to read her mind. She glanced at him, already seeing the unreadable expression on his face.

"Alistair...I never wanted to join the Grey Wardens. Yes, they were considered as Heroes but...I always felt like there were more to the story than we were being told. I was happy for Ser Gilmore when Duncan said he was at Highever looking to recruit him because I knew he wanted to be a Warden..."

"I don't know if we can leave," he admitted, scrubbing his face and she sighed.

"There is no harm in trying," she countered. "They are welcome to give me reasons for why I should stay but I honestly do not see the point if there is no Blight. I rather be working with the Dwarves and finding out more about the Darkspawn rather than whatever it is that they do when there is no Blight."

"Secret warden missions?" he asked and she shrugged.

"You don't think it's weird that they just seem to disappear whenever a Blight is done?" she questioned. "Or that they use extreme measures? I mean – look at the Keep, Alistair. Blood Magic and demons. Who looks at Demons and think 'What a great army that will make'?"

"Duncan always said that the end justify the means," he told her. She ran a hand through her hair, pushing it off her neck and over her right shoulder.

"However, we need to look at those means. You said it yourself, Grey Wardens are small due to the lack of recruits lining up to undertake the Joining. And most of them don't survive – we saw that first hand. So we should focus on trying to understand the Blight, understand the Darkspawn rather than trying to kill the Old Gods."

"You think the Blights won't end if we stop all the Archdemon?" he asked and she shrugged.

"I don't know Alistair. There is so much of history lost to us. Elven lores tell us that the Old Gods were sealed away, tricked by one of their own. Yet the Chantry tells us that they were Magisters who entered the Golden City and was cast down by the Maker as punishment."

"And you think there is something in between."

She nodded before she sighed, holding up her hand. "And I'm not going to discuss this any further. It's too late, you're tired and we were talking about the future, not what I think we should be doing."

"It is interesting..." he gently persuaded her and she shook her head firmly.

"We'll talk about it later."

"It's because of that crystal you found in the Elven ruins when we were searching for Witherfang, isn't it?"

She thought back to see that small crystal lying there. It had been calling out to her, so much that she felt compelled to touch it. Hearing the small voice, so desperate and so tired, had broken her heart, she eagerly gave it to the altar it desperately sought.

Upon it's shattering, she felt a rush of warmth, of thankfulness and relief, she had started crying, startling her companions. She had been so embarrassed but she found it hard to stop so Alistair guided her away, just holding her until she regained control.

"And finding out the truth of Zathrian and the curse. I think it really struck a chord with me."

"Your family and Howe." He offered. She nodded.

"Looking at him...it scared me, Alistair." She looked at him. "I could easily fall into the same trap. He just wanted vengeance for his clan, for his son and daughter. But cursing the innocents? He didn't just curse those who slaughtered the clan, he cursed generations because he held onto his anger so tight." She shook her head. "And I feel so sorry for the elves. They had thought Zathrian had discovered a way to regain their immortality yet it was his curse that kept him alive for so long." She sighed. "I just hope they don't ever find out what he did. Let them keep the illusion he was a hero so more of them could aspire to learn the ways of the elven."

"Another history lesson?" he asked and she nodded.

"Yes. I was fascinated with History. Of course we were to learn our families' History, I wanted to learn more. It was the only way to learn where things had gone wrong yet everywhere I looked, they were different. Different names, different locations, different tales. Even Leliana and Morrigan tell me two different stories of Flemeth. I just wonder how the Lores got so twisted that we no longer know what is true." She stiffened then turned to glare at Alistair. "Stop distracting me." He grinned as he sat up.

"I can't help it, you get so passionate when you talk about these things. It's like you want to find a door that leads you to all these pasts and discover the truth for yourself."

"Now that's tempting me," She leaned into him, pushing his shoulder with his. "Could you imagine it, though? Seeing _Arlathan_ with your own eyes? Seeing what Andraste really looked like? If she was truly human or even a warrior?" She shook the thoughts away. "However, Elves do not trust us enough to allow me to go through their history so I think that is one mystery I'll never be able to discover more of."

"I do not know, Elissa. You are quite persuasive when you want to be." He kissed her shoulder before resting his forehead against the side of her head.

"And you are quite distracting when you want to be," she teased back and he chuckled.

"I'm sorry." He didn't sound it and he knew it. "So you fear that you will turn out like Zathrian when you meet Howe again." She nodded..

"I want Howe's head," she admitted, her voice dark and it scared her. "I want him dead, I want him to look at me and see what he has done." She closed her eyes. "But I don't want his family, I don't want to kill them. As far as I can tell, they are innocent."

"Then you keep reminding yourself that," he told her. She looked at him to see his eyes were dark.

"How do you stop it from consuming you?" she asked, looking into his eyes. "You don't say anything. Whenever someone mentions Loghain, you just tense up. _You walk away_."

"I imagine each Darkspawn is Loghain," he admitted. "Quickest way." She swallowed.

"Would you kill him if you have the chance?" The silence between them was palpable that she swore she could hear her own heart beating.

"Yes," he finally confessed and she exhaled. She hadn't realised she had been holding her breath. "Does that make me a bad person?"

"No," she whispered, shaking her head. "I know people would judge us but we cannot help how we feel. We were wronged but I am worried that after I kill Howe, I won't feel any better. I know it won't bring me my parents back but what if I don't seek what I'm looking for? What if I still feel the need for vengeance that I do take it out on his family?"

"You won't do that," he told her confidently, his hand cupping her cheek, his thumb stroking. "You are a good person, you have a good heart. You wouldn't allow yourself to go any further than what you desire. You questioning yourself right now is what makes you different from Zathrian."

She moved in, hugging him and he hugged her back. He buried his face into her neck and she closed her eyes, praying that they would be able to face their nightmares without losing parts of themselves.

That made her think of the dreams she had been having and she felt the urge to ask him, to see his reaction, to know if it was a possibility.

"Would...would you...considering children?" she asked cautiously. She didn't want to push him, not with his view on looking at the future, but at the same time, she was curious. The dreams were a wonderful relief from the nightmares that she wondered if it could come true.

"Children?" he asked.

"You know, little mini versions of us running around," she gently teased him and he huffed.

"I know what children are," he muttered and she smiled softly. "Why are you asking?"

"I just wondered," she whispered, feeling her heart sinking. Alistair was silent for a long time that she thought the conversation was over. She buried her face into his neck.

"I...didn't know how to tell you this before..." He finally spoke and she frowned, not liking where it was going. She shifted so she was now in front of him, looking at him. He shifted, clearing his throat, reaching out to touch her face and she leaned into his touch. "Grey wardens...find it difficult to conceive." Elissa stared at him, uncomprehending before it dawned on her and she pulled away from Alistair's touch. His hand stayed in the air for a moment before it clenched into a fist and he brought it down between them.

Thoughts ran through her mind, her heart hurt for a child that she may not be able to bear. For the image of the little girl she had been dreaming of in the last few months.

It was stupid to think that the taint had only taken most of her life from her, that her nightmares were the worst it could do. Finding out that she couldn't have a child...it was strange, she always rebelled against the thought of having a child with a faceless stranger that her parents would set her up.

But... _Alistair_ had made her think of the future, a child that was a mixture of two of them and now, that chance was _gone_.

"Elissa..." his voice broke into her thoughts and she looked at him. She could see the desperation in his eyes, the fear that he had pushed her away and her heart hurt for him, panic settling in as she inwardly cursed his family for making him grow up like this, like he was an unwanted child who would forever be unwanted.

"I'm sorry." She grabbed his hand, pulling it to her chest. He looked at it before looking at her and she shook her head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pull away from you like that. I was just...shocked. I...I have been dreaming of a little girl...our little girl...I guess I'm just..."

He shifted in closer, his hand going back to her cheek, her hand covering his as he pressed their foreheads together.

"Dark blonde hair, your blue eyes..."

"Your smile," she whispered as a wobbly smile crossed her lips. "She had you wrapped round her finger the moment she was born."

"And she stole your heart like a thief in the middle of the night." She laughed as tears trickled free, closing her eyes as Alistair kissed them away.

"She was perfect." She looked at Alistair. "Even with her unholy love for cheese." He laughed, his face brightening up and that fear leaving his eyes. It warmed her heart to see him happy, to smile despite the news he had just given her.

Then it dawned on her. _He_ was enough. Strange as it sounded, he was enough. Even with the loss of the child they could have had, knowing she still had him made the pain easier to bear.

"I..." _Love you_. "Thank you." He tilted his head. "For being honest with me, and for being there when I need you."

He kissed her softly and she returned the kiss in kind.

_I love you_

Now she needed to find a way to tell him.

TBC

Alright – for the whole 'Grey Wardens find it difficult to get pregnant', I thought it was stupid that Alistair doesn't tell the Warden at all unless you say you are going to marry him – which is also a pretty stupid time to bring it up.

So I added it in here so it would make sense.

Honestly – how hard could it have been to add it earlier in the game?

And for the child, she is another story, another time (maybe)

Thanks to Pervinca T for betaing


	8. 'Protectiveness of the Heart'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not what you always expect but it doesn't mean it's a bad thing

Title: Protectiveness of the Heart

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland

Rating: Mature

Summary: It's not what you always expect but it doesn't mean it's a bad thing

Timeline: Denerim

Warnings: Implied Sexual Themes

'Protectiveness of the Heart'

Alistair narrowed his eyes as he watched Elissa enter the estate from where he was sitting in the library, wincing as she pulled her sheaths free from her back. She had been _off_ ever since they arrived in Denerim, mostly due to Eamon's insistence on calling a Landsmeet.

A pointless quest he had silently thought to himself, he knew better than to announce it aloud; it would earn him a tongue lashing from Eamon.

Of course, it probably hadn't helped matters that the moment Loghain and Howe – he knew it was Howe by the way Elissa's reacted to the smug bastard standing next to Loghain – stood side by side, he had informed them all he had no interest in standing the same place as traitors to Crown while guiding Elissa out of the building, ignoring the shouts and protests.

Howe was going to get what was coming to him; he had made that promise to Elissa and he would be damned if he let that slippery bastard slip free for what he had done to Elissa's family. He wonders if the worst of it all had been that Howe had been at Loghain's side.

Calian had promised Elissa that Howe would face Justice for what happened to her family. Loghain had shown to spare the man and it made him wonder just how far had Loghain gone. Had he known of the slaughter of Elissa's family before Howe would have done it?

He knew that no-one could get away with slaughtering a noble family without a good reason – especially considering the people had wanted Bryce to be the King.

So...what lies had Howe told everyone and how had he gotten away with murdering the family in the middle of the night?

Elissa disappeared down the hallway and he turned back to the fire. He hoped she wasn't getting herself into trouble. Maker knew he had enough heart-attacks when it came to battling by her side without thinking what she would be facing when he wasn't there.

Shaking his head, he picked up the glass of whisky he had filled out from Eamon's personal stock. He didn't think the old man would miss the liqueur. He took a sip, relishing the taste before sitting his glass down again.

"Alistair." He turned his head to see Leliana standing in the doorway. He gave her a short nod and she entered the room, sitting on the chair next to him and placing the rolls of papers on the table between them.

"Did you find anything?" He had approached Leliana not long after they returned to the Estate, asking if she could ask around for information on the night Highever had been attacked. He needed answer, Elissa needed answers and he was going to get them – one way or another.

"They say the family died in the middle of the night, burned," Leliana explained as she smoothed out her papers. "No evidence of murder."

"Hmm, so he had this planned...but he could not have predicted Elissa's escape. She told me that Howe was surprised that Duncan was there."

"Sounds like your Commander had arrived unanounced."

Alistair leaned forward, looking at the papers. "Were they any explanation regarding the fire?"

"Only that they think the fire had been left unattended during the night," she remarked wryly and Alistair hissed, rubbing his chin.

"A fine lie that is," he muttered, shaking his head. "No investigation?"

"It looks like that Howe had paid people off to cover up this assault," she told him before frowning. "However it is curious. How has he managed to build up that many contacts and how long had he been planning it?"

"And how would he have gotten away with it if Calian had lived," Alistair asked, slowly tapping his finger against the table. "Calian had promised Elissa justice for her family yet Loghain is allowing the man to walk around like he owns the place. Howe even claims that he is Teryn for Highever – a title which rightfully belongs to her brother – if he is still alive. Even if he is not – it goes to Elissa, even though they do not know that being a Grey Wardens means we have been stripped our titles."

"Do you think Howe is working for Loghain?" she asked.

"Zevran says Howe was the one to hire him yet he was brought before Loghain as a solution for Elissa and I still being alive..."

"Howe could be the one pulling Loghain's strings."

"However, Loghain did leave the battlefield before this. I can not see them working together for that long...then again, Jowan did say that Loghain was the one who sent him to poison the Arl – however, we only have his words for it – no evidence."

"It could be that Loghain had always planned to betray Calian and work with Howe," Leliana suggested. Alistair thought about it before he shook his head.

"He was _insistent_ that Calian should leave the Battlefield and return home. He, in his own way, did care for Calian. However..." he frowned, "Eamon was poisoned before the battle so..." He groaned, rubbing his face. "This is a bloody fine time line. None of this makes sense. How could Howe know he would get away with the Cousland family being killed in the middle of the night – fire or not? Why would Loghain poison Eamon before the battle? Why would he tell the Mages they would have their Freedom? All of this was done _before_ Calian was killed yet he tried his hardest to get him to return to Ferelden."

"There are inconsistencies, I agree," she told him. "Do you wish me to keep digging?" He rubbed his thumb against his bottom lip before he nodded.

"Do it quietly. Do not let any of this get back to Elissa until we have an answer." She nodded before she stood up.

"Will she be angry with us?" she asked quietly and he chuckled.

"Me, she'll be angry at me for keeping her out of this." She tilted her head before she touched his shoulder.

"You're a good man, Alistair. I am glad she found you." He smiled as he covered her hand with his.

"And you are a good friend, Leliana. I'm glad she found you." She squeezed his shoulder before moving toward the door.

"Leliana," she stopped, looking at him, "Could you keep an eye on Eamon? I don't trust him around Elissa."

"Do you think he will harm her?" she asked, concern shining in her blue eyes.

"I am not taking any risks," he told her and she nodded, leaving him as he sat back in his chair, looking into the fire with his fist against his mouth. There were too many inconsistencies and he needed to find out the link. Hopefully soon.

He didn't know how long he had been lost in his thoughts but Elissa's humming broke him out and he turned to see her entering the library. He frowned when he noticed that she was wearing her cloak with her bag on her back.

When had she snuck back out? And _how_ was he missing these things?

"Where have you been?" He asked, watching as she started, bumping into the table near the entranceway before she quickly grabbed it, and the vase, before it toppled over.

"Maker's breath, Alistair!" she hissed once she steadied the table before looking at him. "Why are you sitting there?"

"Thinking," he muttered as she walked over to him, pulling off her bag and setting it on the floor next to the other chair. "And you haven't answered my question."

"Treats." She pulled off her gloves. "Damon has been pining for his treats so I decided to buy some while I had the chance."

"On your own?"

She levelled a glare at him, placing her gloves on the armchair before her hands moved to her cloak clasp.

"Don't start, Alistair. I am perfectly capable for looking after myself. Unless you wish me to let Damon know what I've bought him so he can hound us all night?" She shrugged out of her cloak, placing it on the chair revealing she was dressed in simple breeches and a cream shirt with a brown corset emphasising her assets.

"Are you sure he hasn't sniffed out the treats?" he eyed her outfit. He still wasn't used to see her in normal clothing. She laughed as she sat down on the chair across from him.

"I do wrap them up carefully," she told him, crossing her legs. "Otherwise he would be hounding me for the treats everywhere we go." She tilted her head, her hair free from it's binding and it did things to him to see her relaxed like this. "Is there a reason why you are hiding out in my hiding spot?"

He arched an eyebrow, smirking.

" _Your_ hiding spot? Here I was thinking the library was free for everyone." She smiled.

"Hmm, your hiding spot is out in the stables," she told him, reaching over to pick up his glass tumbler of whisky. His smile faded. "You prefer the hounds and horses to the people in here." She sat back, lifting the glass to her nose and inhaled.

"Who says I can't enjoy your hiding spot?" She eyed him over the glass.

"Because Eamon can find you in here. In the Stables, you are hidden." She took a sip of the whisky and he wanted to kiss her, to see how she tasted with the alcohol on her tongue.

"The stables doesn't have a fire," he reminded.

"But your room does.." she ran her thumb over the rim of the glass. He frowned.

"Are you trying to tempt me to my room so you can have your wicked way or so you can have the library to yourself?" he asked, confused, and she laughed. It confused him further as he enjoyed her laugher.

She then stood up, placing the glass down as she walked over to him before bending over. Her hands slid up the chair-arms as she smiled, her hair falling and framing her quite perfectly. He gulped when he saw her breasts. He had seen them before, peeking from his shirts that she kept stealing (he knew she was stealing them, that's why he kept stealing them back. They smelt like her.) He had felt them but he had never seen them like this, perfectly encased and the creamy shirt playing off her tanned skin.

"Like what you see?" she asked, tilting his head up with her finger under his chin so his eyes met hers, twinkling with amusement before she leaned in and kissed him softly. He touched her hips, enjoying the way she was taking her time. He loved it when they got like this.

Despite everything they faced, everything they saw, they took their time with each other. And the whiskey played perfectly against her taste.

She pulled away, smiling before rubbing their noses together, her hands following his arms down to his hands, where she pulled them off her hips and stepped back, using his hands to pull him out of the chair.

"Come on, let's go to bed and you can tell me why you're hiding out." She let go one hand to pick up the tumbler and decanter.

"And get drunk?" he asked with amusement. She smiled as she gave him the decanter, he took it, before tugging on his hand.

"We will share. Beside – Eamon might stumble upon us and give us a lecture on propriety." He grinned, following her out of the library and down the hallways to his room. They were careful to make sure Eamon or Isolde didn't see them before quickly heading into their room, Elissa giggling as Alistair tripped over in the dark.

"Maker's breath, who thinks it's a good idea to have tables next to the doors?" he demanded, steadying the furniture.

"People who do not trip over them," Elissa suggested as she lit up the candles. Alistair closed the door.

"They must have the talent to see in the dark then," he muttered and she grinned as he walked over to the bed. She sat down on it, removing her boots and dropping them before turning sideways, holding the glass close to her chest.

Alistair followed suit, placing the decanter between them.

"So, do you want to talk about it?"she took another sip from the glass and he sighed.

"I was just thinking some things," he told her, taking the glass from her hand and taking a sip for himself, relishing the taste. He was going to need the drink.

"Hmm," she eyed him and he sighed, taking another sip – this time larger. She whined before she snatched the glass back, hugging it to her chest, giving him a glare and he smirked.

"Do you remember when you found me in the Fade?" she shot him a look, taking a sip and he rolled his eyes. "Do you remember the woman I introduced as my sister?" she nodded, picking up the decanter and filling the glass. "She's here."

_She nearly dropped the glass._

Alistair watched with bated breath as she hurriedly reclaimed her grip.

"Your sister is here?" He nodded. "Do you wish to see her?"

"Can we?" He hadn't dared to hope.

"Of course; we can go after morning meal if you wish."

"Are you sure?" He was suddenly nervous and she tilted her head.

"It is up to you when you want to see her," she reminded him, giving him the glass and he drained the glass in one sitting. Her jaw dropped in shock before she snatched back the empty glass, refilling it and taking her own drink.

"What if I'm never ready?" he asked.

"Then you are never ready," she said and he frowned.

"Does that even work? Can I really avoid her if I am never ready?" she shrugged.

"Does she know about you?" He tilted his head.

"I'm...not sure," he slowly admitted.

"Then she will not miss anything if she does not know!" she countered triumphantly and he squinted his eyes.

"How does...are you _drunk_?" he asked as she finished her glass.

"Buzzy," she corrected. "This is a very good whisky," she lifted the decanter to her eye-level, peering through the crystal. "Taste familiar to my father's."

"Apparently its a very fine whisky – according to Oghren but considering his taste, I wouldn't put much faith in him." She nodded.

"Is it Eamon's?" she asked and he could practically hear the hope in her voice.

"Yeah," he confirmed cautiously and she grinned.

"Then it is even better!" she filled it back up and he took the glass from her, needing another taste.

"You really don't like Eamon, do you?" He knew in the way she acted around him. It was part of the reason why he asked Leliana to keep an eye on Eamon. He knew that Eamon some respect for Elissa but there was something in the way he acted toward Elissa that made him stand on edge.

"He an insufferable prat," she muttered, watching as he drank from the glass. "And I do not want to talk about him." She waved her hand.

"Oh, then what do you want to do now?" She smiled and he felt heat flush through him.

She rose up onto her knees, plucking the glass from his hand as she straddled him, leaning over to place the glass on the table before turning to face him. His hands were already mapping out her hips as she settled down on him.

"Now, we kiss," she said and he grinned. "And you do that _thing_ with your fingers."

"Really?" She nodded as she leaned in, giving him a deep slow kiss that made him moan before pulling away, making him follow her, wanting to taste her again.

"And _I'll_ do that thing with my _tongue_." He growled, rolling her into her back and she squealed, giggling, before he kissed her.

He loved this woman.

~_POTH_~

Elissa groaned from her spot in bed as Alistair woke up and he smiled softly to see her burying her face into her pillow. He slowly got out of bed, taking care not to disturb her any further before he spotted the empty decanter on the floor. They probably shouldn't have drank the whole thing.

"Is the Blight over yet?" she moaned and he chuckled, rounding the bed so he was kneeling down at her side. He reached to push back her hair, causing her to squint in the sunlight.

"Afraid not." He stroked her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been bashed in the head with a shield." He sighed. She would know, being caught on the receiving ends of those a few times.

"You need morning meal," he told her and she groaned, turning her face into her pillow.

"I think I might be sick."

"You'll be fine," he told her. "But I think we should lay of the alcohol for a while." She snickered as she turned back to look at him.

"It was a good night, though." She reached out and touched his cheek. "How are you not hungover?"

"Probably because you drank most of it." She scoffed and he leaned in, kissing her cheek.

"Do you still want to see your sister?" she asked when he pulled away and he chuckled lightly.

"At least you remember our conversations," he deflected. She ran her thumb over his bottom lip and he kissed it.

"She is important to you," she told him. "I do not want you to do anything you do not want to do. We have time." He took her hand in his, kissing her knuckles.

"Let's get through morning meal. Maybe I'll have more nerves of steel by then." She smiled warmly and his heart thudded. _I love you_. Her smile suddenly faded as a green tinge took place.

"Get me to the bathing room before I throw up."

He chuckled as he obliged. There was never a dull moment.

~_POTH_~

Alistair tucked into his meal with gusto with Elissa following suit. He was glad that the cook could keep up with their hunger, considering the amount of time they snuck into the larder to find food during the middle of the night.

He was in the middle of tearing his fourth bread when Wynne appeared at the end of the table.

"May I speak with you?" Wynne asked them. Alistair looked at Elissa to see she was looking back at him. He tilted his head slightly and she gave him a short nod before he looked at Wynne once more.

"Sure, join us," he gestured to the bench across from them. She took it with a grateful smile, clasping her hands and placing them on the table.

"I wanted to apologise," she told them. "For suggesting that you should end your relationship."

"Oh?" he asked, keeping his voice calm. He felt Elissa's hand on his knee, squeezing gently before he placed his hand over hers. She turned her hand over so they could link fingers together.

"I've been watching you two. You make each other happy and I was wrong. The two of you are...happier with each other, you give each other support and you encourage the other to face what they need to face." She smiled softly at them. "I am glad that the two of you felt you were worth my disapproval."

Alistair cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt Elissa tighten her grip on his hand.

"Thank you," she whispered. "It means a lot to know you support us." Wynne sighed.

"I always supported you. I just didn't do it very clearly."

"You tried," Alistair jumped in, turning Wynne's gaze to his. "And it means a lot to know that you care about us."

Wynne looked at them both before she gave them a short nod.

"I'll leave you to your meal." She got up and left them alone. Alistair sighed as he turned to face Elissa.

"Well, that was unexpected." She tilted her head.

"Are you okay?" He leaned over, resting his forehead against hers.

"Are you?" She smiled, tilted her head slightly and rubbing their noses together.

"Yes, I am." She pulled away. "How about you?"

"Better now I don't fear her breathing down our neck." She grinned before she leaned in and gave him a short kiss, resting their foreheads together.

"And I can kiss you without worrying about her glaring at us." He chuckled before they returned to their meals only to see Zevran and Leliana were now sitting across from them. He frowned, eyeing them. "Is something wrong?" Elissa asked.

"How is our love-birds?" Zevran asked. Alistair narrowed his eyes while Elissa tilted her head. "I heard some interesting stuff last night."

"Last night?" Elissa asked. Alistair returned to his meal. He was not going to talk about this.

"Hmm, it was quite interesting," Leliana agreed and Elissa shook her head, catching Alistair's attention.

"We were in Alistair's room last night," she told them. "Leliana, your room is next to mine. Zevran is in between Oghren and Sten. Neither of them are near Alistair's." He looked at the others.

Zevran frowned as he looked at Leliana, who was thoughtful then her expression paled. Alistair frowned and looked at Elissa, who shrugged as Leliana turned to look at Zevran.

"We are never talking about this again," she informed the elf firmly before turning to look at him. Alistair blinked at the sudden change before deciding that he didn't want to know. "I have a lead on my hit."

Elissa straightened up.

"Do you want to deal with her now or do you want to get more information on her?"

"Can we deal with her? I want to be able to move on from this part of my past."

Elissa nodded then turned to Alistair. "I'm taking Shale and Sten with me. Meet me in the town? Hopefully it will not take too long."

"Sure. Be safe." He kissed her cheek, which she returned before she and Leliana got up and left to go and get ready. He watched her go before catching the elf chuckling and turned to look at him.

"You, my prince, are a man in love." He sighed before winking and leaving Alistair to his meal. Alistair just watched him go before he shook his own head, a rueful smile crossing his lips. Maybe Zevran wasn't bad after all.

~_POTH_~

Alistair wandered around the market, taking in the sights when he spotted Elissa. She was talking to an older man, both of them looking deep in discussion. He wondered if he was the reason why Elissa had been acting off since she arrived in Denerim and wondered if he should broach the subject with her or leave it.

He hated doing that, it was bad enough that he hadn't told her about him digging for information regarding her family's death. He just hoped that she wouldn't take it badly that he was doing so. He knew her parents' death was a sensitve topic. That she probably hadn't told him the full account of the assualt. However, he wanted to help her find a peace of mind. A reason for why her family had to die in the middle of the night.

He sighed as he came to a stop in front of the building he knew where the woman that was his sister lived. He was nervous, his palms sweaty as he rubbed them against his breeches, wishing he had an idea of what to say or even do.

He swallowed nervously when a hand slipped into his. He turned to see her standing next to him, concern clear in her dark blue eyes.

"Is this where she lives?" she asked and he nodded, turning back to the door.

"What do I say?" he asked. "I mean...do I just come outright and say I'm her brother?" he winkled his nose. "Brother, that sounds..." _not right_ "strange." He cleared his throat. What if he was wrong? What if she wasn't his sister?

What if they had lied about who is mother was to protect her? It hit him harder than he realised. _What if they had lied about who is mother was to protect her?_ He had never once considered that in his life, always choosing to believe people. What reason would they have for lying to him?

He shook the thoughts away and turned to face Elissa once more. She gave him a warm smile.

"I'm here," she told him and he gave nodded before opening the door. They walked in and it was stuffy. Steam was coming out of the back room and Alistair looked around. Washing was hanging all over the place.

"If you are here to pick up, have your receipt ready. If you are dropping of, it will be at least 4 days before pick up." A woman voice broke into his thoughts and he turned to see a tall woman coming into the front of the shop.

"Are you Goldanna?" he asked. She had light red hair and dark brown eyes.

"Yes, who are you?" He felt light-headed. She was there, she was so close.

"I'm Alistair...I...I think I'm your brother." He watched as her eyes narrowed.

"I don't know what you are saying," she informed him.

"Was your mother a servant in the castle?"

"Yes."

"Did she fall pregnant? I mean-" She inhaled sharply.

"I knew it!" she snapped and he blinked. "They told me the babe died along with my mother." She clenched her fists. He had no idea what to say to that. "I knew they were lying! They gave me gold to shut up and sent me on my way. Those bastards. I should've made more noises about my mother dying having the King's bastard."

"Goldanna, Alistair came here to meet you," Elissa spoke up and she rounded on Elissa, her eyes flaring.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded before looking at Alistair. "I don't even know you. All I know that your Royal father forced himself upon my mother and she died leaving me alone." The words cut deep into him.

"That's hardly Alistair's fault," Elissa stepped forward. "He was only a babe when your mother died. He came here hoping that maybe you at least speak to him."

"And who are you? Some tart after his riches?" she sneered.

"Hey," Alistair stepped forward, pulling Elissa back. "Don't talk to her like that!"

"Oh, who am I to talk down to some Nobles?" she laughed haughtily. "I've got five mouths to feed, working to the bone, scrounging for money." Elissa scoffed.

"Alistair is hardly rich himself. He is a Grey Warden." Goldanna scoffed.

"And what does that mean for me?" She demanded. "That isn't going to help me feed my children." Elissa narrowed her eyes, gritting her teeth as she stepped forward. He recongised the signs of her protectivness.

"We'll leave," he cut in. "This was obviously a mistake." Goldanna turned on him.

"It obviously was," she shot at him. "I don't know what you were hoping for, but you're wasting my time."

Elissa launched herself at Goldanna only for Alistair to grab her around her waist. He had seen it coming, he knew how protective she could get and hauled her against his body.

"No," he told her, pulling her out of her the building and out into the sunlight. She stopped struggling when the door swung shut. "I'm going to let you go now."

"I am not a child, Alistair."

"Excuse me for not risking you running back in there to tear out her hair."

She snorted. "Cutting out her tongue was more likely."

"Oh, that makes it all better," he muttered as he slowly let her go. She was still for a moment before she turned around to face him.

"I am so sorry," she told him.

"It's alright," he shrugged. "She was right, it was pretty stupid to think she would welcome me with open arms." She wrapped her arms around her waist.

"She was a bitch," she muttered and he shot her a wry glance only to see that she wasn't looking at him.

"Elissa-"

"Some people are out for themselves, Alistair. It does not matter what you do or how you do it, it is never enough for them. They want more and they will grind you into the ground to get it."

"If this is a comfort talk – you are not doing a good job of it."

She smiled wryly as she looked at him. "And there are people who care about you Alistair, regardless."

"Oh." That was a twist. She stepped in closer, unwrapping her arms and placing her hands on his arms.

"I care about you, I hope you know that. And I'll have your back no matter what. Do the best you can, that is all I can ask for."

Alistair felt his heart break and swell at the same time, it was the strangest sensation. He grabbed her by her waist, pulling her in for a hard kiss. She moaned, her hands travelling up to his shoulders.

Elissa clung to him, pressing up completely against him and he could feel himself stirring. He wanted nothing more than to pin her against the wall but he forced himself to remember that they were in public.

He slowed down the kiss, pulling away from her but she followed him, kissing him deeply, stealing his breath.

"I want to be with you," she whispered against his lips and he pulled away, breathing heavily as he looked into her eyes. He couldn't deny it, he wanted to be with her as well but cautiousness overrode his desire.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

"I have a room in the Gnawed Noble Tavern, we can go there."

He wanted to question her why she had a room there but she nipped his bottom lip and all questions flew out of his head.

"Okay."

"Okay?" She whispered and he nodded. "Okay." She pulled away, taking his hand and they both walked over to the Tavern, trying to be inconspicuous as possible but he didn't think they did it well with some of the people giving them the side eyes.

Once they entered the Tavern, Elissa raised her hand to the bartender, who gave her a short nod, returning to his business and she led him down the hallway until they reached the room. She quickly pulled out the key from her pocket, opening it and turning to face him. She pulled him down for a kiss and he walked her backward, kicking the door shut.

Elissa pulled his shirt off, surprising him at how quickly she got his buttons undone. He returned the favour, unlacing her top and baring her to his gaze. Her breath was coming fast and heavy as she stared at him, her cheeks flushed.

Alistair pulled her in for another kiss, walking her backward toward the bed. When her knees hit the back of it, they both fell down. He shifted his head downward, kissing her neck, listening to her moans as her hands trailed down to his waistband and he froze.

He pulled away to look at her and she frowned.

"Alistair?" She sounded _rejected_. It tore at his heart and he gave her another soft kiss to comfort her. She kissed him back, her breathing turning shakily.

"Are you sure?" He needed to know, he needed to be sure that she wanted to be with him, that she wasn't going to regret it. "Once we do this-"

"Be with me, Alistair," she interrupted. He stared at her, her blue eyes dark, her lips puffed and red, her black hair over the pillows and he kissed her.

It may have not been the perfect moment, but right now – it was perfect for them.

~_POTH_~

He didn't know how long they had been lying there for. She was curled into his side, still gloriously naked, pressed up against him, her fingers tracing shapes on his chest.

His hand was playing with her hair, watching as it slipped through his fingers, tangles getting caught before he kissed forehead, closing his eyes.

"I think I'm still alive," Alistair said. Elissa laughed, her shoulders shaking.

"What? Did you think I would kill you in your sleep?"

"No. According to the Mothers, I should have been struck down by lightning by now," he told her, running his fingers over her spine. She kissed his chest and he felt her smile.

"Not for that performance," she purred and he shifted so he could look at her.

"Oh, I was that good the Maker decided to spare me?" he asked, a smirk crossing his face when he noticed the faint blush on her cheeks. "Good to know." She giggled, burying her face into his neck.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Shouldn't that be my question?" he asked and she nudged him.

" _That's_ not what I'm asking. However, I am fine." He sighed.

"Believe it or not, but I am, really." He shrugged gently, not wanting to disturb her. "I have you."

"And I have you." She sighed before shifting. "We should get going." He groaned, hugging her tightly.

"Do we have to?" he asked and she nodded, not moving.

"We should probably get back to the estate. I want to talk to Leliana."

"Is everything okay?" he asked. She was silent for a moment before she sighed and shook her head, raising up on her arm so she could look down at him.

"We had to kill Marjolaine. She wasn't going to let Leliana go – she was convinced Leliana was plotting against her and the attack was a pre-emptive strike."

"Is she okay?"

She shrugged. "She didn't want to talk about what happened so I let her go."

He pushed back her hair. "You're a good friend, Elissa. She'll come to you when she is ready."

She covered his hand, smiling down at him.

"Thank you." She leaned down and kissed him before pulling away, shifting so her legs were over the side of the bed. He watched her as she leaned down to pick up her clothes before scratching his chest and deciding to follow suit.

"Do you really think anyone would be missing us?" He asked, sitting up and grabbing his breeches. He pulled them on before looking over at his shoulder at her once more. She laughed as she looked around.

"Where's my shirt?" She muttered before looking at him with an amused smile. "You just want to stay here."

"Here," he grabbed her shirt from the chair and threw it over to her before lacing up his breeches. "I was just asking." She rolled her eyes as she slipped on her shirt.

"I'm sure Eamon will be looking for you," she told him, lacing up the corset and he rolled his shoulders, looking around the room.

"So...why do you have a room here?"

"Escape and contacts. Leliana and Zevran have a few contacts here who are helping us gain a foothold with the nobles so hopefully they will stand with us when it comes to the Landsmeet."

"Hmm," he nodded, grabbing his shirt then saw she was staring at his chest. "You keep staring and we'll never get out of here." Her eyes snapped up to his as a light blush stained her cheeks before she smiled wickedly.

"Would that be a problem?" she asked, rounding the bed, her hips swaying as she did. He slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her in for another kiss.

"No," he broke away from her. "But I am sure that the others would be displeased if we show up any later." He kissed her again and she purred, her hands sliding around his waist. "Tease," he murmured against her lips and she smiled.

"I'm not the one who is half-naked," she reminded him in between kisses.

"No?" He turned her around so her back was facing the bed. "I am sure I can remedy _that_ problem." He dropped his shirt and unlaced hers.

She giggled as he pulled her shirt free before pushing her back onto the bed, climbing on top of her where he took her lips in his again, planning to show her how much of a tempest she was.

~_POTH_~

It was a few hours later they managed to get themselves back to Eamon's estate. Alistair could barely keep the grin off his face as she leaned into him. He kissed the side of her head before bringing up their linked hands and kissing the back of her hand. Elissa's flushed, the smile turning shyer.

"Elissa!" Leliana rushed toward them and both of them stopped in their tracks when they saw her. Morrigan came out of her own room, her eyes widening then narrowing.

"Where have you two been?" Morrigan demanded as she walked toward them.

"We had something we needed to do," Alistair informed her. "Is there a problem?"

"Only that the Queen has been kidnapped," she muttered with a wave of her hand and Alistair frowned.

"What do you mean _kidnapped_? Who is going to kidnap her from under Loghain's nose?"

"Arl Howe, apparently," she informed wryly and he stilled. "Turns out the dear Queen thought she could get answers from Howe regarding his actions." Alistair pinched the bridge of his nose. "My thoughts entirely. Of course your 'father' wishes you to rescue her."

"I'm sure he does." Alistair sighed. "And he is not my father." He noticed the arched eyebrow from the witch.

"Did she really think that Howe would just give her answers?" Elissa asked bewildered.

"She is the Queen," Leliana pointed out. "She may have thought that gave her protection."

"If she went there by herself, she obviously underestimated Howe, unless he killed her soldiers."

"As far as anyone can tell, she went by herself," Morrigan said with a shrug. "She has bravery, that's for sure."

"While we are on this track – why does Eamon wishes for us to save her?" Alistair asked. "He had made it very clear that he does not want her to keep the throne. Wouldn't Howe kidnapping her clear the way?"

"Unless he wishes for us to save her so we can garner her support in his bid for you to become King," Elissa pointed out and he made a face.

"Does Eamon really think Anora would just hand the Throne over to me just because she is grateful that we saved her life?" he asked.

"Men are foolish," Morrigan pointed out. "They have done more fool things for more foolish reasons."

"Yes, very helpful," he informed the witch.

"My mother was filled with tales of what men have done over the years, for power and for less. You cannot blame him for thinking that a woman would be so eager to give up the throne just because she was spared."

Alistair sighed, rubbing his forehead before turned to Elissa.

"You know what this means, right?" he asked and she nodded stiffly. "Do you-"

"Yes, I'm ready to face him." She walked over to their room to gear up. He clenched his hands before he followed her into the room. She had already stripped her clothes, pulling her hair into her bun and he swallowed when he saw the love bites he had left on her neck and shoulders before he turned away, stripping out of his own clothes.

He pulled his armour on, clenching his hand to make sure his gauntlets was comfortable. When he turned around, she was already dressed and looking every inch of the fighter he knew she was. She turned around and met his eyes.

They were flat, emotionless and it broke his heart to see her like this and he wondered if that is what she saw in him whenever someone mentioned Loghain.

She parted her lips to say something before she seemed to think twice of it and strode past him, grabbing her weapons as she did. He stared at the space wishing there was something he could do or say that would make of this better.

"Are you ready?" He heard Morrigan asked, turning around to see Elissa slipping her Dual-Blade slicers into their sheath on her back before grabbing her bow as she went.

"Yes." She turned on her heels and strode out leaving Alistair watching her go as he sheathed his sword. He could only hope that she would be able to face up to one of her nightmares. And know he would be there for her at the end.

TBC

Started off high then ended low...cool

Thanks to Pervinca for Betaing!


	9. The Choices That Define Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: She begins to learn more of who she is. He sees more than she knows.

Title: The Choices that Define Us

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland

Rating: Mature

Summary: She begins to learn more of who she is. He sees more than she knows.

Timeline: Saving Anora

Warnings: Violence and Light Sexual Themes. The violence regarding the battle with Howe is quite  _aggressive_. I apologise in advance for any upset the scene causes.

The Choices that Define Us

Elissa could feel Alistair's eyes on her back. She tried to shake it off, to keep her head focused but it was hard to do so. Especially when she remembered that they had been happy only a short time ago.

She had given into her desire to be with Alistair, had let go of her fears long enough to be with him and she didn't regret it. She remembered seeing Alistair's smile, the way he touched her, how he felt.

She felt her cheeks turn warm and shook her head. She needed to stay focused. They were going up against Howe's men and she knew that they would offer no mercy if they caught her off guard.

They had found Anora but unfortunately for them, the door had been sealed with a magical barrier. Morrigan and Wynne had tried to break through, but both of them agreed that they would need to take down the Mage who was powering the barrier.

Which meant they needed to find Howe. She gritted her teeth. Nearly a year, it had been nearly a year since the death of her family and she could feel her blood pounding. Rage and anxiety mixing together.

Elissa kicked open the door, startling the occupants and her companions. Arl Rendon Howe stood up from his seat and a smarmy smile crossed his lips, twisting his features.

"Well, well Bryce Cousland's little spitfire. All grown up and still playing the man." Elissa just glared at him. "You never did learn to know your place."

"My place is right here, avenging my parents," she informed him, unsheathing her daggers as she did. "Did it make you feel good? Killing people under the cover of darkness? Knowing that you would have died if you had made it fair?"

"Your father had his chance," Howe remarked with a smirk. "And he failed."

"And killing a seven year old boy?" she asked.

"He was useless."

She tightened her grips. "Tell me why, you bastard! Tell me why they had to die!"

"Your father had everything that should have been mine!" he snapped back. "There! That look in your eyes.  _That_  was the mark that made the Cousland superior."

"We were superior," she informed him haughtily. "Because we had the respect of others.  _You_  had their contempt. For they saw how pathetic you were."

"Yet your father let me be around."

"He always did like his strays," she remarked, making sure her words cut him deep.

"He was  _nothing!_  Your family was  _nothing!_  You took everything from _me!_ "

"I am a Cousland," she pointed her dagger at him. "Never forget that." Howe snarled angrily.

"You should have died with them, you selfish little bitch," Howe snapped at her.

"Then come and get me," she taunted.

"Oh, I will hear your screams, little girl," He promised her. "I will gut your lover like the bastard he is and I  _will_  have you on your knees begging for mercy, just like your mother did before I killed her."

Rage fuelled her as she ran toward him, ignoring the soldiers and mage that was in the room. Her daggers sliced through the air causing him to jumped backward before he rushed forward and she blocked his blows.

Kicking him in the stomach, she sent him backward, dodging as a soldier came at her side, his sword ready to gut her when Alistair appeared out of nowhere, blocking the blow and bashing him backward.

Howe had tried to used the distraction to stab Alistair but she got there first, blocking him with one of her daggers and he looked at her, surprised.

She was not going to let him take anyone else she loved away from her. She would be damned. She pulled her dagger away, using her free hand to punch Howe. He fell backward before he came back at her again.

Their daggers clashed together, blocking and parrying. Her anger fuelled her on. She needed to find a weakness. She needed to find a spot where he was open. She felt blind and lashing out.

If she did not find a way to control herself, he would be the one ending her. He caught her off guard, slicing her arm. The dagger caught the material, splitting it, and sliced the skin. She could feel the blood running and in that moment, she saw clearly.

_Open!_  She lunged in, her dagger already finding it's target and he froze, staring at her as she looked right back at him.

"You are finished," She twisted her dagger in his stomach, causing him to gasp then yanked the weapon out of him. He clutched his wound, stumbling backward before he fell down. One bloody hand smearing the ground as he tried to break his fall.

The blood was coating his, slowly leaking out between his fingers and for a moment – she saw her father. She blinked and the image was gone, leaving her breathless.

He was breathing heavily as he looked down at his wound before he looked at her. His anger and hate was so utterly clear it chilled her to her core. How long-

"Maker spit on you," Howe spat at her, his voice hard. "I deserved more."

" _Fuck_   **you!** " She kicked him hard in the face, sending his head backward where it met the floor with a sickening crack. "My parents deserved more! My  _nephew_  deserved more! You bastard!" She kicked him in the stomach then stalked away, her hands tightening on her daggers. Raging was coursing through her, she needed to...she needed to...

"Elissa-" Alistair started but Elissa screamed as, her anger overwhelming her and she threw her daggers to the floor, storming back over to Howe.

"You  _bastard_!" She straddled him, grabbing him by his shirt and punched him. His head snapped back under the force, blood spraying. "You  _selfish murderous_   **bastard**!" She hit him again and again. "You killed them!" She slammed his head onto the ground where it met with another sickening crack. "You killed them all!" She slammed it again. "He was  _seven!_ "

She was back at the estate.  _She opened the door to see Oriana lying there, her face bruised and bloodied, her clothes torn in places. Oren lying next to her, a pool of blood under him. His face twisted in terror._

_The soldier lying further away, most of his armour was off, making it clear what he had intended to do._

_The smeared blood trail behind her father as he dragged himself, trying to make it to safety. He had been so close, so near that he almost reached it._

_Her mother touching her face, begging to her to leave, to avenge their family, to find Fergus._

_Elissa shook her head. 'Come with me', she had begged her mother. 'We'll find a way to get father out'._

_'No, it's too late, pup,' her father told her, shaking his head, blood trickling out the corners of his mouth. He was so pale, his blood pooling under his body._

_'I will **not**  join the Grey Wardens,' she spat at Duncan, tearing her arm out of his grip._

_'You'd rather die?'_

_'Yes,' she held herself up straight, daring him to defy her._

_'No,' her mother begged, tugging on her hand, pulling her back down to her knees. 'You must go with him, you must live.'_

_'Come with me,' she begged once more._

_' **You must live!'**_

_Her mother's screams reverberated off the tunnel walls. She tried to go back but Duncan grabbed her around her waist, hauling her away as she fought against him. She wanted...she **needed**  to go back. To protect her family._

_Let me go, let me go, Mama, Papa!_

"Elissa!" Hands grabbed her by her waist, pulling her off Howe's broken body. She fought their embrace, causing them both to fall to the ground as she wrestled to get free. "Elissa, he's dead!"  _His_  voice cut through her haze as he held her close. His arms were banded around hers to prevent further thrashing. "He's dead," he repeated.

She stared at the body, his face was a bloody mess, the back of his head was caved in and she broke down. Tears came hot and fast, her sobs cutting deep as she clutched onto one of Alistair's arms.

Alistair rocked her. "It's okay. I'm here. It's okay," he repeated. He stroked her hair with his free hand, softly kissing the top of her head as she continued to cry.

She felt empty, she felt nothing. She thought she would feel something after she had killed him but right now – She was hollow. Her parents were dead, they were never coming back. Her nephew was gone, his life cut short. Her sister-in-law never had the chance and her brother was still missing.

Soon her sobs subsided, leaving her drained as she stared into space. She still had to move but she could not find the strength to. She wanted to leave, to go somewhere where she would feel safe.

"Was that-" she heard Zevran begin to ask.

"Not now," Alistair cut in, shifting his head. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She needed to leave, they needed to get back to Anora.

"We have to go," she told them.

"Are you ok?" Alistair whispered. She squeezed his hand.

"Help me up," she whispered back. He pulled away from her, slowly helping her up with one arm around her waist. "We need to get to Anora before anyone finds out about us being here. She could still be in danger." He picked up her daggers.

The others nodded, each leaving the room casting concerned glances in her way. She went to look back when Alistair squeezed her waist gently.

"Don't look back," he whispered, guiding her out of the room and she didn't.

The cells were filthy. They had discovered a young elf who had been bewildered over how long he had been in the cells for. She had let him go. In another cell had been a Templar, a Templar who had been searching for Jowan, the mage who had poisoned Eamon.

The poor man was in so much pain that he begged her to take the ring, to find his sister. She had briefly thought about ending his life then decided not to. Let the sister be the one to know what to do with her brother, she was best.

They had discovered a young noble man who had been tortured. Morrigan and Wynne had healed him the best they could, giving him the chance to return to his father.

There had been one last person in the cells and the moment she saw that smug smirk on his face, she instantly knew who it was and her anger came back.

"Well, well, how the mighty has fallen," she remarked. The man in the cell before her frowned.

"Do you know who I am?" he demanded. "I am of Noble blood! I demand that you let me out of here."

She scoffed. "Demand it all you want, I'm not letting you out." She turned on her heels.

"The Cousland bitch," he snapped and she froze. "I thought I recognised that attitude." She clenched her hands. "Shame I didn't get to break you when I had the chance." She spun around and saw that he was leering at her. "I got that Amell bitch good, didn't I?" she stalked closer. "Should have just let me do what I wanted and she would have still been with you."

He gasped, staring at her with his eyes wide before she yanked out her dagger, his blood running down.

"May the Maker deny you his side," she hissed spitefully at him before she spun on her her heels and stormed away, ignoring the wide-eyes stares from her companions. "Let's get to Anora before we meet any more restrictions."

"Maker," she heard Wynne whisper.

"Is she going to be alright?" Leliana asked.

"Give her time," was all Alistair said. "This is part of her past."

"She cannot go around killing people," Wynne shot back at Alistair. "No matter of what he had done in the past." Her anger reached boiling point.

"That  _bastard_  was the reason Solona was sent to the Circle!" She rounded on Wynne. "He tried to force himself on us and she used magic – for the first time – and protected us. So the Chantry hauled her off the circle because some rich noble boy thought he had the right to have his way with us and pissed off because he  **failed**."

Wynne was speechless, Alistair was watching her while the others milled around, curious to what was going to happen next. It was strange, only Wynne was protesting over her killing the man in the cells and she wondered what the others thought.

"Do you really think Solona would have wanted this?" Wynne demanded. "You killing defenceless people?"

"She is dead!" She took a deep breath. "My sister is dead because some  _noble_  thought he was in the right to attack us, and because a  _mage_  thought he was in the right to take her life."

She turned on her heels once more. They were going to get to Anora and they going to get out of this forsaken place before she lost any more of her sanity.

She was barely hanging on as it was.

~_TCTDU_~

The barrier was down, Elissa noticed with relief. She knocked on the door and it swung open to reveal a soldier. She frowned. The figure pushed back the helmet to reveal the Queen. She arched an eyebrow while Alistair came to a stop next to her, puzzled.

"What are you wearing?" Alistair asked.

"Amour," Anora shot back. Elissa frowned.

"We can see that. The question is why are you wearing that?" she corrected.

"So we can sneak me out," Anora told her.

"Wait a minute – we are here to rescue you. There was nothing about having to sneak you out after we snuck in," Alistair protested. "Why not just tell them that you are here?"

"Do you have any idea how much danger I am in?" she demanded. "Howe had me kidnapped. We do not know of others who would kill me if I were to walk out of here."

"Howe is dead so I do not think he would be ordering any hits," Elissa told her.

"My situation is still the same. So I will blend in." Elissa looked at Alistair, who just shook his head before turning around and leading the way out.

"Very well," Elissa told Anora, who smiled gratefully and followed Alistair. The others quietly grumbled as they reached the hall leading to the exit. They stopped they saw Loghain's Lieutenant with a group of soldiers behind her, blocking the way out.

"Nothing can ever go easy, can it?" Morrigan remarked sarcastically as Elissa and Alistair withdrew their weapons.

"We are here to arrest you," Ser Cauthrien told them. Elissa heard Alistair growl next her but she knew that they were outmatched. She had heard of the woman from her father. The woman before them had been hand-picked Loghain to lead his elite force.

"Stand down," she ordered her companions as she sheathed her daggers. "Arrest us."

"You are coming willing?" Ser Cauthrien asked, suspicions clear in her eyes.

"We're not going to fight?" Oghren asked, aghast.

"I have no interest in listening to a lackey of Howe's," she spat at the woman, whose eyes narrowed. "Don't waste your breath in trying to convince me you are not. Just get this over and done with."

"Leave the rest, we need only the Grey Wardens."

"Elissa-" Morrigan looked at Elissa, worry clear in her yellow eyes.

"We will be okay," Elissa told Morrigan. The witch stared at her before giving her a short nod as the guards grabbed Alistair and her by their arms, dragging them out of the doors. Elissa yanked her arms out of the grips only to have them grab her again.

She gritted her teeth. Fine, she will put up with it. For the time being.

~_TCTDU_~

Someone was stroking her hair, pushing it away from her forehead before touching her cheek. She recognised the touch, the pattern and she slowly opened her eyes only to groan as the pain shot through her.

Alistair was above her, looking down at her with concern clear on his expressive face. It turned to relief when she met his eyes.

"You're awake. I was beginning to think they hit you harder."

"They didn't need to hit me," she grumbled. He chuckled.

"You were quick to shove the soldier when he tried to hit me," he reminded. She slowly sat up with his help, realising she was sitting between his legs and they were both in their small clothes.

"Why are we stripped?" she asked, alarmed, looking at him. He shook his head, his hands stroking her arms, soothing her.

"Nothing happened. They stripped us down to make sure we weren't hiding any weapons." She narrowed her eyes. "I promise. You were never out of my sight." She nodded then noticed her hair was loose.

She groaned, her hand going to her hair before she sighed. "Yeah, I think they figured you could be keeping lock-picks in your hair. I'm actually impressed."

Elissa looked around before she gave Alistair a wry glance. "You take me to all the nicest places."

Alistair grinned. "I know, right. We should use it when we are recruiting.  _Join us and you'll see all of Thedas._ "

She laughed, slowly getting to her feet, stumbling as Alistair held her hips until she felt steady. Taking a deep breath, she took a few steps forward, testing and noticed with satisfaction that she was walking just fine.

"Is there any way out of here?" she asked as she moved closer to the cell doors, noticing the soldier that was patrolling and frowned.

"Unless you have more lock-picks hidden,  _he's_  pretty much our way out." She sighed, that's what she expected. "So, I heard some rumours about there being a Dark Wolf sneaking around Denerim, apparently stealing from the nobles." She continued to look outside at the cells. "I don't suppose you know anything about that, would you?"

"Should I?"

"Maybe, since the robberies seem to coincides on the nights you snuck out of our bed?" he said, casually, she stiffened. "Oh yeah, I noticed." She sighed as she turned to face him.

"And what if I have?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"I'd like to think that you would tell me at some point in our lives," he joked. "You know, before the guards showed up to arrest you." She flinched and he rubbed his forehead. "Were you going to tell me?" he asked.

"I...don't know," she admitted and she hated that. She should have been able to tell him everything. She knew that one day she would give him the full account of the attack on her family. However, this thing...she wasn't sure.

Maybe it was because of the rush she got when she broke into someone's house and stole their prize from under their noses. Or lying someone straight to their face while pickpocketing them and they never knew a thing.

Or maybe it was because it was a dark side to her. Would she be able to give it up? Did she want to?

"Did you think I would turn away from you?" he asked. He sounded hurt that her heart ached. That was the last thing she wanted to do to him.

"I just..." she ran her hand through her hair before rubbing her forehead. "I liked it, Alistair." She looked at him. "I...enjoyed it. I guess I did not want to..." she trailed off, unsure what to even say.

"Maker's breath, Elissa! I am  **not**  going to walk away from you if I hear something I don't like. I love you!"

Elissa inhaled sharply, her eyes widening as she stared at him, her heart thudding.

"You- _what?_ " she had to ask. He  _had_  to repeat himself. She  _must_  have heard wrong.

He gave her a flat glare.

"I. Love. You," He emphasised.

He  _did_  say it. He told her that he loved her. Her heart and mind were at two different stages. Her mind was blank as she continued to stare at him, bewildered. Her heart was leaping. He loved her.

"Well, are you going to say anything?" he asked impatiently.

"You have the most unbelievably lousy  **timing**!" she snapped at him. "Honestly Alistair! In  _jail?_ "

He flushed, rubbing the back of his neck which only emphasised the muscles in his arms.

"I know," he admitted. "This isn't the best place for a confession. I had honestly meant to tell you before but we kind of got swept up in this whole rescue mission."

"So you think the best time to tell me is in  _jail_?" She demanded, stepping forward. "You could not wait until we were out?!"

"I would have if you hadn't  _infuriated_  me," he told her, stepping forward, his own eyes flashing. "Maker's breath! You make my head want to explode!" His hands gesturing his movements.

"And you make me want to go crazy!" she snapped back at him, her own hands gesturing her frustration.

"Shut up!" The guard shouted but they ignored him.

"How can you possibly believe that I would have turned away from you just because you happen to be a thief?" he demanded.

"Oh!" She bounced lightly on her toes. "Maybe it's because you have  _disapproved_  all the other time I stole!" she shouted. "Or maybe it's because you are practically the paragon of goodness!"

"And I'm still here!" he shouted back, his hands cutting through the air in frustration, his cheeks flushing. "I haven't turned away from you nor have I left you!"

"It does not mean you do not have a limit, Alistair," she told him, her voice softening, and he growled, causing her back up, her eyes widening as desire flushed through her. He followed her, practically stalking her.

"I have  _no_  limit when it comes to you," he told her, his voice softening but still firm. "I watched you beat the shit out of a dead man and I felt nothing but concern for you. I watched you stabbed the man who is the reason why Solona had been taken away from you and all I felt was rage when I discovered who he was. And I was turned on when you chewed out Wynne for trying to call you out on your actions!"

They were both breathing heavily, staring at each other. She felt stunned, numb, and aroused. It was a strange combination of feelings to having but she couldn't deny herself any longer.

She reached up, her hands cupping his cheeks, and pulling him down for a hard bruising kiss. He returned it, pulling her up against his body and pressing her against the cell bars. It was uncomfortable but right now, she did not care.

She loved him. Dimly, she realised that she never said it back and pulled away from him, leaving him blinking at her, bewildered and breathless.

"I love you too," she blurted out breathlessly. Alistair stared at her before a slow grin crossed his face and he pulled her back into a deep kiss that made her toes curl. She moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer.

She wanted to jump him, she wanted to push him against the wall, she wanted to push him on the ground and show him just how much she loved him.

"Hey!" The guard's voice broke into her thoughts but she ignored him as Alistair's hands ran over her back. "Get away from each other!" She vaguely heard the lock clicking open and a hand was on her arm, pulling her roughly away from Alistair.

She gasped only for Alistair to pull her back, his other hand swinging out, catching the guard on the cheek. Blood sprayed from his mouth as Alistair stepped forward, punching him hard in the stomach causing the Guard to grunt as he fell to his knees then slumped onto his side with a dull thud..

Elissa stared at Alistair wide eyed as he wiped his bloodied knuckles on the man's breeches before searching for something. He then pulled out a small key – one that would fit perfectly into a chest – and held it aloft with a triumphant grin.

She tugged on his arms, pulling him up before she pulled him back down for another kiss, her nails scraping over his back as his hand cupped her ass, pulling her in.

She pulled away. "Have I ever told you how sexy I think you are when you fight?" she asked, breathlessly.

He gave her a sly smirk that made her heart thud harder.

"Let's get out of here. I suddenly have the urge to show you just how much I love you."

She giggled as Alistair pulled away, tugging on her hand as he led her out of their cell, wondering just how she had been so lucky to find a man like him within the darkness that surrounded their lives.

~_TCTDU_~

"You have to save them!" Anora demanded as they made their way closer to the library the servant had directed them to when they inquired to where the Queen was.

"What do you suggest, Anora?" Eamon's voice asked. "Storm Fort Drakon? It is, after all, your fault they are in there."

"Eamon! Surely the blaming game can wait until after we save Elissa and Alistair?" she demanded.

"Don't worry," Alistair said as they stepped into the room. "We saved ourselves, got out with minimal fuss." Anora spun around to face them and relief cross her face.

"Oh thank the Maker for that," she told them and Elissa tilted her head, curious.

"Glad to see that you made it out," Eamon told them.

Elissa just hummed, eyeing him. She didn't trust him, she was never going to trust him. That she knew and she wondered if the old man knew it. Hearing Alistair's childhood had made her too bitter toward him.

"We should talk," Anora told them, stepping forward.

"We should leave it for later," Eamon told her and Anora turned glared at him.

"It is of great importance," she informed the older man.

"I hardly think now is the time to be discussing the throne," Eamon informed her and she narrowed her eyes.

"It is of a more pressing issue," she told Eamon before looking at Elissa. "There is a situation brewing in the Alienage." Elissa sighed, wincing as her bruises decided to protest. She nodded.

"I will-"

"We'll deal with it tomorrow," Alistair cut in. "We need to recover from our fight with Howe and breaking out of Fort Drakon. I am sure the others would like to have a moment break too."

Anora looked at Alistair before she looked at Elissa before nodding.

"I understand," she told them. She tipped her head slightly before she left the library. Eamon was still standing there with his arms crossed.

"We should discuss-"

"Later." Alistair's tone brook no argument. She saw Eamon's jaw tick with annoyance before he relented.

"Very well, we shall speak in the morning," he told them before leaving. Elissa rubbed her shoulder as she turned to look at Alistair who had an unreadable expression on his face and wondered what he was thinking.

A clearing of throat caught their attention and they turned to see Leliana was standing in the doorway.

"Leliana," Elissa smiled at the sight of her friend. She still not had the chance to talk to Leliana regarding Marjolaine and it had been playing at the back of her mind. Leliana gave her a small smile before she looked at Alistair.

"I have more information," she told him. Alistair stiffened beside her. "There is no evidence he knew." Alistair nodded. Elissa watched, curiously, as Leliana gave her a short nod before leaving the library. Elissa then turned to face Alistair.

"What is she talking about?" Elissa asked. Alistair sighed as he turned to face her.

"I had Leliana look into your family's death, along with some other things." She frowned. "I wanted to know why Howe went after your family and if there is a reason to why Loghain hadn't killed him."

"You think Loghain was involved," she whispered and he shook his head.

"I can't find anything that say Loghain knew of your family's death," he admitted. "All I find is that Howe's jealousy got too much for him and he just happened to pick the..." he trailed off. she laughed bitterly.

"He got away with it because King Calian was dead. He was never going to get away with it in the first place."

"I think if Calian had lived, Howe would have been executed. Since Loghain knew of you being alive and Calian telling him about Howe. However, with us being Grey Wardens and him declaring us as traitors, he decided to use Howe's excuse to let him off."

She remembered the letters saying her father had been committing treason, allying himself with Orlais.

"His fear of Orlais has ruled him," she whispered, shaking her head. "I actually feel sorry for the man." He tilted his head. "He was once a great hero, Alistair. And now...he has let his fear control him."

"Elissa-"

"I am going for a bath." She turned away and exited the library, needing to get away from a place that felt like home to her. She was different, her skin felt different and she needed to breathe.

Elissa made her way into the bathing room, the bath already steaming from where the servants had filled it. An empty basin sat next to the bath and she looked into the looking glass only to see that her armour was covered in blood.

Elissa could only stare at the woman in the glass. Her hair was a mess, her face splattered with dried blood. Her eyes were bloodshot, it had been a long night after a long day.

It was so hard to believe how quick a day could change. She had been happy, hopeful, so in love with an amazing man and she had finally been with him. Seeing him after Goldanna had only strengthened her feelings for him.

She wanted to be his family, she wanted him to know that she would be there for him, that she would love him no matter what.

Then everything had gone to shit when Anora had been kidnapped and they had been forced to face Howe. The memories swam before her mind eye. Hearing the cries as people fought to defend the castle. Her mother vow of revenge as she held her lifeless grandson in her arms.

Tears broke free and for the first time, she finally allowed herself to grieve for her family. She fell to her knees, her sobs shaking her body and the image of her sister's broken body slammed to the front. Nausea rose up inside of her and she crawled over to the basin, vomiting, sobbing as she held her hair back the best she could.

She squeezed her eyes shut, images of beating up Howe flashing through her mind. Her family's death, the smell of blood, the hate that ran through her veins, almost choking her.

Hands were on her back causing her to gasp, flinching before she recognised the touch.

"It's okay," Alistair whispered, holding her hair back for her as she emptied her stomach. Once she felt the nausea abate, he helped her to sit against the bath, picking up a cloth and wiping her face. "I thought this was going to happen."

"I killed him," she whispered. She couldn't look at him. "I did not even hesitate."

"You did what you had to do to protect yourself," he told her and she laughed bitterly.

"I taunted him, Alistair. And I killed a defenceless man in jail. I could have just walked away."

"Really?" he asked, picking up the basin and heading out where a waiting servant took the basin from him. He knew that she was going to be sick and had asked a servant to wait for them. He knew her better than she knew herself. He closed the door.

"He was a bastard," she looked down at her hands. The gauntlets were still covered in blood and she felt the nauseous again. She swallowed it back. "A selfish bastard who never cared about anyone but himself. I had heard rumours what he did to his servants, and to some of the noble girls who had not been lucky enough to get away from him. However, he was in jail. All I had to do was leave him there."

Alistair knelt down in front of her, taking her hands and she looked at him.

"And he would have gotten out at some point, took his anger out on another girl."

"I did not think about that," she admitted. "All I saw was Solona's face as the Chantry took her away from us. She was scared, desperate and was begging my father to do something. He could not do anything – we had no power when it came to the Chantry. I watched as she was marched out of my life." Her bottom lip quivered and she bit her it. "When I saw him I saw  _her_ , lying there, broken and dead. All I could think was if he had kept his mouth shut, she would have been safe. Maybe she could have helped to save my family if she had been with us. That she would still be alive."

Alistair sighed, running his hand over her face before he helped her up. He started removing her armour.

"You once said to me that we cannot change the past, no matter how much we want to," he reminded her.

Her gloves were gone, the breastplate next. He sat her down on the edge of the bath, removing her boots then tugged off her breeches before pulling her to stand up once more, tugging off her tabard.

She stood in front of him, near bare and did not once feel embarrassed. They had only made love a handful of times (Grey Warden stamina was good for something) yet she felt they had been doing this for years.

He ran his hands over her arms, linking their fingers together as he leaned in, resting his forehead. She closed her eyes, breathing in his scent.

"I am here for you." Her heart skipped a beat. "It doesn't matter what, I am here for you whenever you need me. Take your time, mourn your family for as long as you want. I'll be right here whenever you feel ready to talk about them."

"Thank you," it came out as a whisper but it said everything. He kissed her forehead.

"Now, time to have a bath and try and get some sleep. Maker knows Eamon is going to have us up before dawn just to  _plan_." She looked up to see his cheeks were rosy and she sighed.

Of course,  _now_  he was shy.

~_TCTDU_~

Elissa slipped from their bed, taking care not to not to disturb him. He needed his sleep and she needed to do some thinking.

The opposite of what he had said earlier but it could not be helped. It was not long until the Landsmeet and she just knew that she was going to be asked to decide the future of Ferelden.

Had she not done enough? She had made choices throughout the year and it was wearing on her. She could not see the future, could not see what impact those choices would have yet people were quick to turn to her, to ask her to make the choice.

So she could become a scapegoat in the future if something went wrong? She scoffed. She would love to see them try. She rubbed her face, sitting down in front of the fire. Damon lifted his head from his next to her and she smiled, taking one of his ears and gently rubbing it. He whined in pleasure, his eyes closing.

"What do you think, boy? Should Alistair and I just pack up and leave?" He whimpered, shifting in closer so his head was in her lap and she chuckled. "Of course you will be with us." She rubbed his back. "I could not go anywhere without you." She bent over, kissing his head and he was quick to turn his head, licking her cheek.

Laughing, she rubbed his muzzle. "Maybe I should tell everyone to talk to you. You would be a better choice than me that's for sure."

There was a knock at the door and she glared at it before giving Alistair a quick look, making sure he had not been disturbed. Once she was satisfied that he was still sleeping, she got up, watching as Damon tilted his head, and walked over to the door. If it was Eamon...

She opened the door to meet the cool gaze of Queen Anora.

"Anora," she greeted. Anora was quiet for a moment that Elissa wondered what was going through the Queen's mind when she finally spoke.

"May we speak?"

Elissa looked over her shoulder at the sleeping Alistair before meeting Anora's cool gaze once more and nodded. Anora nodded back before she headed to her room and Elissa closed the door, heading over to Alistair's side.

She noticed a slight frown on his forehead, reaching out to smooth it before lightly kissing his cheek. She ran her hand down his arm, his fingers briefly curling around her fingers when she reached his hand before she pulled away.

"Look after him, ok?" she asked Damon and got a low growl of confirmation.

She reached for her robe, pulling it on, watching Alistair sleep a little longer before she turned away and let herself out of their room. Hopefully she would be back before he noticed her missing...again.

Elissa walked down the hallway, taking care not to startle the servants before she reached Anora's door. It was opened and she peered in to see Anora was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fire.

Anora looked up before she gestured for Elissa to come into the room. Elissa closed the door behind her as she did, taking the seat across the Queen.

"Would you like tea?" Anora asked. "I am making myself some herbal tea in a bid to try and get some sleep tonight." Elissa narrowed her eyes as she watched Anora make a cup.

"Are you going to try and poison me?" she asked, watching as Anora's head snapped up to meet her gaze, her eyes widening. "I must warn you, Alistair would not take it lightly to someone trying to kill me."

"No!" Anora hissed scandalized, shaking her head before Elissa let the corner of lips quirk up, showing she had been teasing. Anora narrowed her eyes before she exhaled. "I would not stoop low to poison someone, in my own room nonetheless."

Elissa laughed, taking the cup Anora offered her, taking a sip and allowing the warm liquid to sooth her.

"I was merely jesting. Though you best hope Eamon has not seen me entering your room. He may rush to tell Alistair that I am committing treason." Anora scoffed as she took her own cup, sipping it.

"If Alistair would not take lightly to me trying to kill you in the middle of the night, I hardly think he would take it lightly to Eamon accusing you of the sort."

Elissa chuckled as she eyed the Queen. "You are right. Alistair knows me, inside and out. He has seen enough of me to know that I would not betray him. That I would give up my life for his – something he would protest over."

"Yes, he strikes me as the type who would give up his life for yours."

Elissa nodded, turning her gaze to the cup.

Both of them sat in silence for a moment when Anora broke it. "Forgive me, I have not had the chance to ask you how are you doing? I know of your deeds during the year and facing Howe after he had murdered your Family could have not been an easy feat."

"I am tired," Elissa admitted, stunning the Queen and she chuckled, noting the look. "Did not expect to hear that from a throne grabber?" Anora regarded her silently for a moment before she sighed.

"Arl Eamon is the one pushing for Alistair to take the throne," she said softly and Elissa nodded.

"Against Alistair's protests." Anora arched an eyebrow. "He was abandoned as a child to live in the stables under Isolde's orders. He was sent to the Chantry to become a Templar from a young age then was conscripted into the Grey Wardens. Now a man he calls a father is pushing him to take the throne. Tell me – where does Alistair have a choice?"

Elissa looked at the fire as tears burned the back of her eyes.

"You care for him," Anora whispered.

"I love him," she whispered back, turning to look at Anora, who was smiling sadly. "And I honestly do not know what choice to make, Anora. I see both sides and..." She trailed off, sighing then shaking her head. "I can't lose him, either way."

"Would he take the throne without your say so?" she asked and Elissa laughed.

"Do you really believe Alistair is just a puppet?" she asked. "Alistair knows his own mind. If he wants the throne, he would take it. I have no doubt about that."

"So why is Eamon asking for your backing?"

"Because he is an fool," she scoffed. "He was the one who threw Alistair to the Chantry. He was the one who was urging Calian to set you aside." The look in Anora's eyes made her nod. "Alistair did not think you knew. He was the one who found the letters when we returned to Ostagar."

"Was it true that he was in communications with the Empress?" Anora asked, her voice tight and Elissa nodded.

"It looks like he was trying to come to an arrangement of a truce," she admitted. "Nothing of marriage, which I think would have been impossible to pull off either way considering the Empress does like her women."

"So my father-"

"Was ruled by fear," Elissa interrupted. "He feared Orlais was planning on invading Ferelden. And maybe he is right but how many people have been lost because of his inaction when it came to the Blight?"

"He tried his best," Anora protested.

"Lothering is lost. The mages caused an uprising because your father promised them freedom," Elissa reminded. "Anora, he took your throne rather than leave you on it. Yes – you could have used the excuse for grieving but there is no excuse for what he has done."

Anora was silent and Elissa sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I know you wish to keep your throne, but you will have to face up for your Father's choices sooner or later. Eamon is using this as a reason to give the throne to Alistair, along with his Theirin bloodline. Not to mention sending a mage to poison him."

"Do you have proof?" she asked sharply.

"We found the Templar in the cells. He had been tasked with tracking down the mage when Loghain took him into custody. Alistair says he has gone through a massive lyrium-withdrawal. I have already informed his sister and you can be sure, Anora, that the Chantry will not take kindly on this."

"He used to be a good man."

"He was a hero," she agreed, startling the Queen. "My father admired him for his role in helping King Maric take back the throne. However, I was not impressed when I first met him. And his actions have not inspired me."

"He tried to do his best for our country."

"He is better suited as a General. Not as a King. A King must put his fears last, he must concentrate on those who need his guidance. Loghain did not do that, allowing his fear to start a civil war with the neighbours. We have come across a few of them. There was even a messenger who dared to insult the Dwarves by calling them cowards for refusing entrance into Orzammer."

"He has lost his way, I admit that," Anora agreed.

"Then you understand the people's fears?" Elissa asked. "There are those who believe you will follow in your father's footsteps – despite you ruling effectively for five years."

"Do you understand?" Anora asked.

"It's not me you have to convince," Elissa pointed out before she sighed. "It's the Nobles of the Landsmeet. Eamon brings forth reasons for why Alistair should be King, you bring forth reasons for why you should stay Queen."

"I am surprised that no-one had thought about asking Alistair and I to have an arranged marriage," Anora half-heartedly scoffed. Elissa felt her heart froze at the thought before she shook her head sharply.

"It would never happen," she told Anora firmly, causing the Queen to look at her in surprise. "I do not care if that makes me selfish. I cannot lose Alistair. I love him too much to force him into a marriage with someone who he does not, no disrespect, care for. Nor can I force you into another marriage after your husband's...less than discreet affairs."

"You know." Anora closed her eyes.

"Servants talk. Most nobles do not listen but I found that the Servants know more than the nobles and thus it pays better to listen to them. I believe they knew the King better than the nobles."

"Well, he always did like his other women," Anora muttered and Elissa felt her heart go out to the woman. She tried to hide it but it was clear that she did care for Calian, at least in a way Calian had not cared for her.

"Do you understand why I cannot do that to Alistair?" she asked. "He never had a choice in his life. For me to do that to him...it would tear us both apart."

"I envy you," Anora told her, opening her eyes. "You have a love that most would pray for. I had hoped that Calian would come to care for me in such way."

"I think he did," Elissa admitted. "He did not give into his Uncle's persuading in setting you aside for a younger wife nor had he arranged to have a marriage with the Empress. If he was truly the dishonourable type, he would have done so by now."

"I...guess we will never know what his intentions were," Anora finally said and Elissa nodded.

"Whatever his plans were, they died at Ostagar."

"Thank you," Anora started and Elissa frowned, "For finding his armour. Alistair gave them to me. It must have caused a great deal of anguish to face the place where you had lost so many."

"It was worth it," Elissa admitted, giving the Queen a small smile. "Alistair has grown stronger as a result. I...learned to accept Duncan a little bit." Anora frowned. "He conscripted me during the attack on my family. I had not been...pleasant about him wishing to recruit him during such time."

"Ah," Anora nodded. "For what it is worth, I am truly sorry about your family. I had met them briefly and they seemed like honourable people."

"They were, until Howe murdered them in the middle of the night due to jealously."

"When I had discovered this news – I had been furious. That was part of the reason why I had went to see him. To demand answers for his crimes. Yes – they said it was a fire but I had my suspicions – especially when it was revealed that you were one of the wardens."

"So your father never told you that King Calian had promised me justice for my family's murder?" she asked. Anora slowly shook her head. "And add in the fact that Howe was at your father's side." She paled.

"My father never knew about it," Anora whispered and Elissa nodded.

"I know. Alistair had sent a good friend of ours to find out. She cannot find any evidence that your father knew of the assault before Ostagar."

"However..."

Elissa shook her head. "I'm sorry, Anora, but I cannot forgive my family's murder and I cannot forgive your father for allowing Howe to continue breathing. Make your choice – hopefully this will all be settled at the Landsmeet and they can decide who is to rule."

"You won't make the choice?" Anora asked as Elissa got up, placing the cup on the table and moved toward the door.

"I have made enough choices as it is," Elissa paused in the doorway, her hand resting on the door-jam. "Anora...I cannot promise you anything regarding your father." She heard the sharp inhalation from the Queen but refused to look at her. "You need to prepare yourself because if your father will not stand down, Alistair will take him down. I cannot stop him."

"You could try," Anora protested and Elissa let out a bitter laugh as she tilted her head.

"Then you do not know Alistair as well as you thought you did. Heed my warning, Anora. Do your hardest to get your father to stand down...before it's too late." She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her and sighed, closing her eyes.

Now...she will see how the Landsmeet will go. She could only hope that they would be able to stop further bloodshed.

Elissa headed back to her room, slipping in and closing the door. She rested her forehead against it, exhaling softly.

"Imagine my surprise when I woke up to find you gone." Alistair's voice made her shiver before she looked over her shoulder to see him sitting up in their bed.

A glance at the fire place revealed Damon was gone and she frowned. "He went with Sten. Apparently Sten wasn't impressed with dinner so he decided he'll head to the kitchen. Damon followed him."

Well, so much for her dog following her orders if he could be easily distracted by food.

"Where did you go?" he asked.

"Anora wanted to talk to me." She walked over to the bed.

"About?"

"My support for her being the Queen." She touched Alistair's cheek, feeling the rough stubble.

"Hmm, are you going to support her?" he asked and she narrowed her eyes at him. She was still trying to ensure she was not the one going to make the choice and decided that maybe she needed to distract Alistair for the time being.

"Maybe we should focus on something more interesting," she suggested with a flirty smile and she felt his jaw tense under her touch.

"Like what?" his tone was carefully controlled. She pulled her hand away.

"Like celebrating over breaking out of jail without bloodshed?" She asked, gathering the skirt of her night-shift up to her waist as she climbed onto the bed, straddling Alistair.

"Really?" His hands slid over her thighs, the rough calluses making her shiver, before they settled on her hips, pulling her in closer as her hands ran up his arms, enjoying the feel of his muscles.

Alistair leaned in, kissing her neck and she moaned. "You do make a convincing argument." She laughed breathlessly, shifting in closer. One of his hands slipped further up under the shift, cupping her breast, rubbing the hardening nipple and she moaned.

His head moved down lower, dropping slow wet kisses over her collarbone, down over the swell of her breasts peeking from her night-shift before stopping at the nipple. She gasped when he planted an open wet kiss over the material, teasing her.

"Oh..." she rubbed herself against him, her hips rocking. He gave an answering thrust before moving over to the other nipple, his thumb already running around the wet nipple he left behind and her head fell back. He gave it the same treatment, leaving her gasping as she grounded further down on him. She needed him.

Bringing her head forward, she noticed Alistair was watching her and she pulled away from him, her hands going to the bottom of her shift, meeting his hands, he obviously had the same idea.

They removed the shift from her body, baring her body to his gaze as he dropped the shift down the side of the bed.

She raised herself, her hands going to the cover and pulling them away, lifting each knee. He helped her and she found that he was already naked and gave him an impressed smile.

"What can I say?" he pulled her back to him. She straddled him again, gasping as she pressed up against him. He kissed her deeply and she whimpered, rocking against him once more the pulled away from his lips.

"I love you," she whispered. He gave her a slow smile before he kissed her again, taking away her breath, again.

TBC

Well – this was fun to write *Sweats nervously*

One more thing – I am not going to show the Landsmeet. I was originally going to do it but I decided that I'll leave it ambiguously.

(The best way not to write myself into a corner)

Thanks to Pervinca for Betaing


	10. In the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It may not work, he knows it and he is willing to accept the price

Title: In the Darkness

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland

Rating: Mature

Summary: It may not work, he knows it and he is willing to accept the price

Timeline: Dark Ritual/The Final Battle

Warning: Light Sexual Themes

Author's Note: Okay – this was originally going to be different regarding the Dark Ritual but I found Alistair and Morrigan would have been too cruel to each other, despite it would have been in character for them so I scrapped it and decided to go with the aftermath instead.

This is going to be two parts of the same chapter in different POV. Alistair is Part A, Elissa is Part B.

**'In the Darkness'**

Alistair's POV – Part A

"Well, that was interesting," Morrigan remarked. Alistair stiffened from where he was sitting at the end of the bed, tugging his breeches up"Should we try again?"

"No," he stood up, pulling the breeches on completely and lacing them tight.

"We have all night," she purred and he rounded on her, anger burning in his veins.

"I have no desire to have any further relations with you. This may very well be my last night with Elissa and I am going to spend it with her." He shook his head. "After I have scrubbed myself raw so I can feel clean."

He grabbed his shirt from the back of the chair, pulling it on.

"You do realise that this may have not been enough for the ritual?" Morrigan asked. He walked over to the window, buttoning up his shirt. She clearly was not going to let this go.

"Either way, I'll be the one dealing the killing blow," Alistair informed her, determination setting in him.

"How noble." There was rustling from behind. "I wonder what Elissa would make of that."

"If you think you can guilt me into your bed again, don't bother. Once was enough."

"It was barely enough for an attempt." She came up to his side, thankfully wearing a robe.

"Well, you can hardly blame me for not being attracted to you," he informed her as he turned on her. "And your scathing remarks hardly helped matters."  
"I was merely trying to help."

"All you had to do was lie there and shut up. However, whenever you opened your mouth , we were right back at the beginning. It was hard to keep an image of Elissa in my mind whenever you spoke."

"Hmph," she scoffed and he gritted his teeth, looking back out at the window. "You clearly did not wish to do this ritual. Why did you?"

"Because I cannot lose her," he told her. "And she cannot lose me. Not after her family. I fear what would happen if she did. Beside, if I had known the Archdemon required our lives, I might not have killed Loghain so quickly."

"You did not know?" her tone was even but there was something in it caused him to look at her. He then scoffed, rounding on her.

"Is that why you hated me?" He demanded. "Did you truly believed that I would do that to Elissa? That I would toy with her emotions like that?!"

"I-"

"I was the one to tell her that we may not be able to have a child together!" He snapped. "She lost her entire family and I had to tell her that we may not be able to start one together. Do you even understand how hard that was for me to even admit it?"

Morrigan looked away and he sighed, running a hand over his face. "Right – anything else you wish to admit while we are in the sharing mood? Maybe some other reason I managed to piss you off? My witty charm for one?"

"You are an ass," she retorted and he snorted as he turned to look back out of the window.

They stood in silence when he plucked up the courage.

"Promise me something," he saw her looking at him out of the corner of his eye. "If I die, you will stay by her side. She loves you like a sister. If she loses me, make sure she doesn't lose you too."

"I..." he turned to look at her, surprised to see the tears in her eyes.

"We may not like each other, Morrigan. But our love for Elissa does give us a connection. So please, just be at her side if I can't be."

"I promise," she whispered, tears making her voice thick and he nodded then he turned around, walking toward the door. "So you have to promise that you will fight. That you will do everything in your power to stay at her side."

He looked at Morrigan over his shoulder as he opened the door, a smirk crossing his face.

" _That_  I can promise," he told her before stepping out of the room, closing the door behind him.

He could have imagined it, but he could have sworn heard he heard sobbing coming from the room before he walked onward. He had his lover to return to and a future awaited them.

Alistair spotted her the moment he entered their room. Elissa was sitting at the head of their bed, a book in her hands and her hair plaited, resting over her right shoulder. Her blue eyes were glazed, indicating she was lost in thoughts.

"Elissa." She blinked, turning to face him and relief crossed her face. She put the book to the side, rising and walking toward the foot of their bed, her hand curling around the bed post.

"I drew you a bath," she told him and he sighed with relief, walking forward.

"I would kiss you right now, but I really need to feel clean first." A brief smile lit up her face. He made his way into the bathing room so he wouldn't give into his desire to kiss her.

Alistair saw the bath was still steaming and eagerly stripped, climbing into the bath. He groaned as he sat down. He really needed to feel clean. It was ridiculous but he felt unclean. He wonder if it was because he had...relations with someone other than Elissa.

He sank down further in his bath, grabbing the cloth and scrubbed hard at his skin.

"Alistair." Her hand stopped his and he looked to see she was now kneeling at the side of his bath. Concern was clear on her face. "You will rub yourself raw." She took the cloth.

"I can't help it," he muttered as she ran the cloth over his shoulders. She took one of his arm, running the cloth over it.

"Was it that bad?" she asked and he could hear something in her tone that he couldn't quite understand.

"It was...humiliating," he confessed. She frowned, taking his other arm. "We are not exactly best friends." She let out a soft laugh.

" _That_  I know," she reminded him, rubbing the cloth over his skin. "Was she really horrible?"

"It was difficult!" he burst out. "I had to keep imagining... _you_ ," he whispered the last bit. Her movement faltered for a moment before she cleared her throat, resuming her ministrations but he could see her cheeks were now rosy.

"Well...that's..." She wrinkled her nose. "I honestly have no idea what to say to that because everything I can think up just sounds...wrong." He huffed.

"It certainly wasn't enjoyable," he muttered, making it clear that he didn't want to hear what she was thinking. He did not need to know what her pretty mind was cooking up. And he wanted to stop talking about it.

It was making him feel even more unclean, if  _that_  was even possible.

"At least it is over with," she told him. He flushed. He really needed to tell her.

"I...er...it might not have...worked," he reluctantly confessed and she stopped her ministrations to look at him.

"What do you mean?" Alistair just sank further into his bath. "Alistair."

"I couldn't get it up," he muttered. She frowned, looking utterly bewildered before understanding dawned on her and her cheeks flushed.

"Oh!" she looked away shyly.

"And it didn't help she kept talking."

She giggled. "So..."

"Maker's breath, I had to use my hand!" he hissed, flushing. "Then I sort of... _in-finish-out_."

She stared at him bewildered before it dawned on her and she flushed harder. If it hadn't been so mortifying, he would find her adorable right now...why was he lying to himself? He found her really adorable and wanted to know just how far down that flush went, did it reach those tempting rosy nipples-

"Are you serious?" she demanded breaking into his thoughts. He blinked then scowled.

"I could barely keep it up long enough, Elissa. I had to do something or I was going to be there all night."

Elissa just stared at him, he was worried before she burst out laughing, mirth shining in her eyes as one hand covered her mouth. He frowned, unsure. This was unexpected.

It lasted longer than Alistair was comfortable with, shifting in his bath before she finally waved her hand, shaking her head.

"I am sorry." She cleared her throat, trying to minimize the laugher. She giggled before closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I am so sorry, I know I should not be laughing, not with our lives at risk but it's just-" her laugher faded as she turned away and understanding dawned on him.

"You though I'd enjoy her company," he whispered. She refused to look at him so he took control, gently grasping her chin and turning her to face him. Her eyes were closed. "Hey, look at me." She slowly opened her eyes, the blue darker and he sighed, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. "Why?"

She shrugged and he tilted his head, annoyed, and she bit her lower lip.

"She is more experienced," she whispered and he scoffed, pulling her in and kissing her. She let out a muffled surprised gasp, her hands going to his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin.

Once she melted into the kiss, moaning, he took one of her hand and brought it under the water so she could feel his desire for her and only her.

She pulled away, her pupils wide, her lips red and he flicked his tongue over them, causing her to groan and wrap her fingers around him.

"I love you and you're the only one who had ever inspired this kind of reaction in me," he whispered, she smiled so shyly that he had to bite back a groan. No matter how many times they'd been intimate, she still blushed. Even with him in her hand.

He kissed her again, enjoying the way she gasped against his mouth then moaned. He took his time with soft slow closed mouth kisses. She whimpered, her hand moving as she tried to get him to deepen the kiss.

She tried to move in closer as he pushed himself against the side of the bath only to meet restriction and she ran her thumb over him.  _Yeah, that was good_.

"I want you," she whispered and he pulled away from her, quickly grabbing her hand as she tried to tighten her grip. He pushed himself up, pulling her up, watching as her eyes roamed over his body as he stepped out of the bath.

She finally met his gaze and gave him a sultry smile that made him to want to take her right there and then.

"Are you clean enough?" she asked and he grinned, quickly ripping her night-shift down in the middle in one movement before he hauled her up against his wet body. She gasped, her arms going around his neck, his hands sliding over her thighs and he picked her up.

She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him down for a kiss as he pressed her against the wall, taking one hand, lacing their fingers together as she rubbed against him.

"We might need another bath afterwards," he told her in between kisses and she laughed, tilting her head back and drawing one of his fingers into her mouth. He watched as she sucked softly before pulling away, her teeth lightly scraping his finger causing him to rub against her.

"I'll just  _lick_  you clean." She kissed the tip of his finger before he took her lips in his, his other hand going to her hair.

She was tease, a tempest, and she was his.

~_ITD_~

Elissa was gone by the time he woke up, the dawn barely breaking and he felt a sense of dread in his stomach. It was time to face the Archdemon and a hoard of Darkspawn.

He slowly got out of bed, making his way into the bathing room where he spotted his reflection and chuckled. Scratch marks were on his chest and lower stomach, he had a bite mark on his left shoulder and a few love marks on the right side of his neck. Turning around and looking over his shoulder showed that he had more scratch marks before shaking his head, amusement and desire running through him at the memories.

He washed, carefully around the scratches, before he pulled on his armour. They would be leaving soon, he knew it, and he wanted to be prepared.

Alistair picked up his weapon, Maric's Blade. Anora had asked him to keep it when he had presented it to her, along with Calian's armour. He had been taken aback at the offer and she had smiled softly, telling him that Calian had planned to acknowledge Alistair as his brother. However, Loghain had prevented him from doing so.

It had stung deeper than it should have. Calian had wanted to acknowledge him. Calian had known of him. And being killed in Ostagar had left many of Calian's plans to burn.

He sighed, sheathing the weapon before he picked up his shield...or Duncan's Shield. Elissa had asked Riordan about the Grey Warden's Vault. She had snuck out there at some point and brought back the shield.

She was remarkable. She remembered things that he told her long ago, shrugging it off with a smile and a kiss. He was so grateful for her. He knew she did not care for Duncan – not that he could blame her A selfish part of him was grateful that Duncan had managed to recruit her.

He looked into the glass to see he looked like a warrior and it took him aback before he smiled ruefully. How many times he had looked into the looking-glass only to see an unwanted young boy looking back at him?

How many times had he hated the sight? Feeling useless, feeling unwanted, feeling like he was a burden to be passed around.

Now – he was a man. Elissa wanted him, she loved him. She had never once assumed anything of him, never shied away from her feelings. He had a reason to fight, a reason to look forward to the future. A future, he hoped. He had her.

And he wasn't going to let anyone destroy that.

~_ITD_~

"Morning!" Zevran greeted cheerfully as Alistair stepped into the dining room. Alistair gave him a rueful grin. The two of them had settled down into an unusual friendship and Alistair had to admit that he was glad that Elissa had decided to keep Zevran around.

Leliana sat down next to him, giving his shoulder a pat before she slapped Zevran's hand away as he tried to steal a piece of her bread.

Oghren was already tucking into his meat, giving Alistair a wink before chugging down his pint.

Wynne and Shale were discussing the possibilities of Shale returning to her dwarven form. Alistair blinked when he heard this before he heard Shale telling the mage that Elissa had inspired her. He smiled softly.

Then he met Sten's gaze. The warrior stared at him before giving him a nod of his head and Alistair instinctively knew that Sten had come to respect him. Alistair returned the nod before he sat back and smiled.

These people had become good friends to him over the year. He knew that he and Elissa had been lucky to find these people in their travels – or maybe these people had found them.

Either way, it was thank to them they had made it this far and he knew that he would never forget their time together.

He then grumbled, his ears were burning. He rubbed his ears catching Zevran's attention.

"Someone talking about you?" he asked and Alistair shrugged.

"Who knows," he muttered, returning to his meal, shaking it out of his mind, hoping Elissa would show up soon.

~_ITD_~

"Alistair, Shale and Morrigan will come with me. Sten and Oghren will lead the forces here," Elissa gave her last orders and Alistair felt his heart lurch.

Dead bodies of the Darkspawn surrounded them. Denerim looked like something out of a nightmare and they had to be fast if they were going to take down the Archdemon.

"Sound like a fine team," Riordan told her and she gave him a shaky smile. "I'll scout ahead and see if we can find some way to bring the Archdemon down." Elissa nodded. "Best of luck to you, sister."

The look in her eyes at the name made his heart hurt. A year later and they still had not found any trace of her brother. Alistair did not want to think about what it meant. He still held out hope that Fergus was still alive but he knew that Elissa was beginning to lose that hope.

A clap on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to see Sten standing next to him.

"You are a fine warrior," he told him. "I am please to have fought at your side." Alistair smiled, clapping his own hand on Sten's shoulder.

"As I am at your side." Sten gave him a nod before he stepped toward Elissa. Leliana hugged him.

"Take care of her," Leliana whispered as Alistair hugged her back. Alistair laughed as he pulled away to look into the bard's face.

"I have a feeling she'll be taking care of me," he told her. Leliana laughed, pressing a kiss to Alistair's cheek.

"Thank you for making her smile." She pulled away, giving Alistair a smile then turned to Elissa, who was watching them with an amused arched eyebrow. Alistair rolled his eyes in her direction as Leliana untangled herself from him to hug Elissa.

He turned to see Wynne was standing in front of him with a soft smile and she cupped his cheek. Surprised, he covered her hand with his own.

"You have made me so proud," she told him and he felt his heart tightened. "I am proud to have known you."

"You've been like a mother to me," he softly admitted and her eyes softened.

"And I would be proud to call you a son." She smiled sadly. "I can only hope that my son is like you." He pulled her into a hug and she returned it. "Good luck, my boy," She whispered and Alistair fought to keep the tears back.

Despite their difference, and Wynne's disapproval of their relationship, she had become like a mother to him and he never wanted to lose that.

Soon they broke apart, Alistair sniffling as he urged Wynne toward Elissa. She just gave him a knowing smile before turning to Elissa and Zevran took her place, giving him a wink.

"To think of you two going on an adventure without me," He sighed unhappily, shaking his head. "It breaks my heart, it really does." Alistair had to grin, shaking his head. Trust Zevran to lighten up the mood. "Do tell the Archdemon to write these days, would you?" He smiled. "And keep an eye on our leader's lustrous bottom? It would be a shame if something was to happen to it."

"Go away," he muttered to Zevran, shoving him toward Elissa as the elf laughed, drawing Elissa into a hug.

"Well, it's time," Oghren said, hefting his large war-axe over his shoulder. "Time to face death in the face, show them our hearts then show them theirs." He turned serious. "You keep an eye on our leader. Make sure she doesn't do something she's not supposed to do."

"Alright, Oghren." Alistair nodded and got a grunt of satisfaction from the dwarf as he moved onward.

"So, I am coming with you," Shale told them. "It is curious."

"Thought you wouldn't mind taking down a flying dragon." Shale seemed to quiver. As much as a Golem could quiver.

"Oh, I don't," she told him, almost gleeful. "Let us hope I can squish it's head." Alistair sighed with amusement while she moved onto Elissa.

Morrigan was there. She said nothing but look at him then sighed.

"Remember your promise," he told her before she could say anything and she nodded.

"I...you keep yours," she retorted before she turned away and he nodded even though she was now in front of Elissa.

They had a promise to keep and he was damn well going to make sure they kept it.

Soon Damon took his space in front of both him and Elissa, giving them a whine and Elissa smiled sadly.

"Sorry boy, not this time. I need you to stay here and make sure you will keep them safe." Damon barked.

"Don't worry, we'll be back before you know it," Alistair rubbed his head, getting a whine as Damon pressed in further. "We'll see about bringing back a dragon bone."

"Alistair!" Elissa scolded as Damon barked happily, bouncing in front of them with excitement. He just grinned at Elissa, who huffed, shaking her head.

"So," he turned to face her. "This is it." She grabbed his breastplate and pulled him down for a kiss. He smiled into her kiss when he heard the groans and barks from their companions before he pulled away to look down at her.

"I love you," she told him and he stroked her cheek.

"And I love you. Always," he promised. He gave her a soft kiss before they pulled away and face their companions. It was now time to face their future, and to kill an Archdemon.

~_ITD_~

The Archdemon roared as it landed on its side after Morrigan slammed it with lightning. It had been a long gruelling battle. He was fast losing his strength, he had seen Elissa and Morrigan flagging. Shale was doing her hardest to keep the Darkspawn on her.

Alistair could feel his heart beating fast as he watched it and knew if he did not move, they would lose this chance to finally end the damn thing. He looked at Elissa to see her preparing herself when he grabbed her, spinning her around to face him.

"Alistair-"

"I'm sorry." He pulled her into a kiss, trying to memorise her taste before he pulled away from her, shoving her into Morrigan and both of them fell onto the ground. He turned around, running toward the Archdemon, grabbing his sword from the body of a Darkspawn.

The Archdemon roared, stomping its feet, swinging it's head around and he ducked, twisting around so he could thrust the sword into it's neck and ran, slicing across it. It let out one more roar before it's head fell down next to him and he twirled the sword, slamming the blade into the head.

For a moment, nothing happened then he was surrounded by a bright white light. Pain surged through him as he tried to hold onto the sword. The light turned intense and his back arched as he let out a scream then he was off his feet.

He could feel himself flying through the air before he slammed, hard, into the ground. The last thing he remembered was Elissa's screams. Panic surged through him as he tried to get himself up, to go to her, but the darkness overtook him.

~_ITD_~

He rose to wakefulness. His body wouldn't response to his command, it felt heavy and the darkness was threatening to pull him back down when he realised something.

A hand was in his – it didn't belong to Elissa.

"You did it," Morrigan whispered. "Now you keep your promise. You promised you would fight, so fight," She hissed. He could vaguely hear tears in her voice. "Do not dare to leave her alone."

He squeezed softly and she stilled. For a moment there was nothing but silence before she squeezed back. He would have smiled if he could then slipped back into darkness.

The next time he awoke, another hand was in his and he knew it was Elissa. She was humming softly and his ears picked up the sound of a page being turned. If he could chuckle, he would have.

That was just like her. He curled his fingers around hers and she stopped humming. He slowly turned his head, opening his eyes to meet her dark blue ones and she smiled brightly, happiness lighting them.

"Hey," he greeted and she laughed, leaning in and kissing him. "Hey," he turned his head. "Morning breath." She giggled as she turned his head back to meet hers before she kissed him again, causing his eyebrows to shoot up. She pulled away, rubbing their noses together then met his eyes.

"I do not care," she told him, love clear in her eyes and he fell more in love with her than he thought was possible. He reached up, touching her face and she leaned into his hand before she leaned back down. "I love you," she whispered.

He smiled. "I love you too." He kissed her. He never wanted to be apart from her.

~_ITD_~

Alistair watched as she walked toward him. She looked beautiful in her dress. The dark blue velvet played perfectly with the light blue cotton. Elissa smiled when she saw him and he gestured her to him. She walked toward him, her hips swaying and he saw her knee-high boots peeking from the splits in her skirt.

He smiled, his rebellious girl. She had fought against wearing the dress but Eamon had insisted so she settled for wearing a dress but refused to give up her boots, or the dagger sheaths he would bet she wore on her thighs. She was never the one to go anywhere without weapons.

Elissa reached him, her hand slipping into his and he twirled her under his arm, enjoying her laugher when she pressed herself against his body, pushing up onto tip-toes and giving him a brief kiss.

"Hiding, are we?" she gently teased and he tugged on a lock of her hair that was free from it's elaborate bun.

"Decided that I should stay out of eye-sight for a while," he winked. She giggled, leaning and resting her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her head, breathing in her scent. For a moment, he had thought he would not get this.

His other hand was in the pocket of his breeches, turning the ring over and over wondering if it was the right time. Looking at her, seeing how happy and content she was, his mind was made up.

He pulled away from her, startling her as he took a deep breath and kneeling, still holding her hand. Her eyes widened, her mouth parting but whatever she was going to say died when he pulled the ring free from his pocket, holding it between them.

He still marvelled over how perfect the ring had been. He had asked Wade if he would be willing to make the ring. The man had only agreed when Alistair told him it was for Elissa, gleefully taking the designs and disappearing into the back.

Herren had shot him a baleful glare before shooing him out of the shop, telling him they would send a messenger when the ring was ready.

Wade had done it perfectly and he knew she loved it the moment her eyes landed on it.

Silver and gold vines acted as a band, the red diamond cut into a rose with silver leaves decorated the band.

"Elissa Marie Cousland," He started. She narrowed her eyes at him over the middle name. She never told him and he just grinned innocently, "Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

She nodded. "Yes." Tears filled her eyes, a bright smile on her lips and he felt his own smile threatening to split his face. He slipped the ring onto her finger before standing up and pulling her into a hug.

Unable able to hold back, he spun her around, enjoying the sound of her squeals-turned-laugher as she clung to him.

Alistair set her back on her feet and pulled her in for a kiss.

"I love you," she mumbled between kisses.

"I love you too," he kissed her deeply then broke the kiss, pulling her in for a hug when she stiffened. He pulled away to see she was looking around his arm and he turned to see an older man standing near them.

He had dark brown hair with dark green eyes. His clothes were new and the symbol...it was the symbol of the Cousland's line. He's seen that symbol on Elissa's sword, a family sword she told him, that she never used.

"Fergus!" she exclaimed, breaking free of Alistair's embrace as he let her go. She was swept up into the arms of the older man. His face was drawn, he looked tired but the relief on his face was clear as he held her close.

Alistair moved in closer as Fergus let Elissa go, one hand going to her face before Fergus' eyes met his over Elissa's shoulder. Elissa turned, smiling brightly as she held out her hand. He took it, allowing her to pull him in.

"Alistair, this is my brother," she told him and his heart tightened at the look in her eyes before he kissed her forehead then looked at the older man.

"Alistair," he held out his hand. Fergus regarded him for a moment before he took Alistair's hand, giving him a firm grip before he cast a side-glance at his sister, a wry smile crossing his face.

"I did say you would find a man who would one day handle you, little sister." She laughed, so bright and happy that it brought a smile to the older man's face.

Alistair felt his heart was ready for bursting. Elissa still had a family member left, it was a relief to know that she did not need to grieve for her brother after everything that had happened.

"I fear Elissa is the one handling me," he told them. Elissa blushed as Fergus arched an eyebrow and he mentally cursed. "I didn't mean-that's not-"

"It is okay." She tugged on his hand and he groaned, rubbing his eyes. "Alistair and I," He looked at her, "We take care of each other." Fergus looked between them before he smiled.

"I am happy for you little sister." He glanced at Alistair for a moment. "He seems like a good man." Alistair felt his ears heat up as he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. Elissa shot him a smile as she glanced him before looking at her brother.

"We are getting married," she told him, her cheeks rosy as she held up her hand. He stared at the ring for a moment before he burst out laughing, taking her hand in his, admiring the ring.

"If Mother saw you right now, she would have fainted with shock," he told her and she wiped her cheek, embarrassed. "I never thought I would see the day." Her cheeks reddened.

"Shut up," she hissed and he laughed, letting her hand go and crossing his arms.

"Oh, I do not think so little sister," he told her. "It is my turn to have fun." He looked at Alistair, who cocked his head. "Did she ever tell you about the time she climbed a tree-"

" _Shut up_!" She squealed, stepping between them and waving her hands in her brother's face. Alistair blinked, surprised, while Fergus laughed again.

Elissa was blushing, her eyes wide as she tried to cover her brother's mouth while he dodged her attempts and he felt his heart warm. This is what she had been like before the murder of her family and he hoped her parents were looking at her from wherever they were, happy for her.

"I am proud of you little sister," Fergus suddenly said, bringing Alistair out of his thoughts and Elissa to stop trying to cover his mouth. "You did a good job. Our parents would have been proud of you.

"You think so?" she whispered and he smiled softly, kissing her forehead.

"I know so." She looked at up at him.

"I killed him," She told him and Fergus nodded.

"Good." The darkness that radiated in them showed Alistair just how related they were. Fergus looked at him and gave him a smile. "Thank you, for being there when Elissa needed you."

Alistair nodded, unsure what to say while Fergus' smile turned to one of amusement. "And welcome to the family, Alistair. I think you are going to fit right in."

"Really?" he couldn't help but ask. Fergus just continued to smile and Alistair realised that was something Elissa had a habit of doing, just smiling at him.

"You know, the people want to see their heroes," he told them, thumbing the main doors over his shoulders. They looked each other before looking at Fergus, who smiled softly with understanding. "Take your time, I have a feeling they will not be leaving any time soon." He winked at Elissa before he stepped back, giving them space.

Alistair felt a wave of nervousness run through him as he looked at the doors before he looked at her to see she was feeling the same as she bit her lower lip.

"Hey," he turned to her, cupping her cheek and gently pulling her bottom lip free, stroking it. She smiled under his touch as he met her eyes. "I'm the only one who is allowed to bite your lip."

She laughed, kissing his thumb before pulling away.

"Come on, let's see the People." He gave her a nod. Their hands met each other, fingers interlacing, walking over to the doors.

The guards met them, bowing at the waist before they opened the doors to reveal the sunlight and the voices of the Crowd as excitement mounted.

They took a deep breath and stepped out onto the balcony that allowed them to see the people. They all cheered, clapping and Alistair flinched, nervous. Elissa took his hand. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, seeing she was giving them a small wave.

He copied her, smiling to the crowd and wondered what it would have been like if neither of them had been there in the first place. Elissa turned to look at him, giving him a smile, dropping her hand.

He did the same and the crowd was still cheering but right now, she had his attention.

"So...what's next?" he asked, lifting up her hand so he could kiss the back of it. She smiled mischievously.

"Getting you into bed to celebrate-" she smirked, desire hit him hard "-and then tell the Grey Wardens to kindly fuck off." He had to laugh, pulling her in for a kiss.

For the moment – they had their happy ending and if they had their way, they would keep it.

The End (Part A)

You know – I have so much feel over these Alistair that I think I might keep writing him like this...

Thanks to Pervinca for betaing!


	11. The Light is the Brightest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Light is the Brightest – Part B: It was a risk, it may not work but she needed the chance, just so she could live her life with him.

Title: The Light is the Brightest – Part B

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland

Rating: Mature

Summary: It was a risk, it may not work but she needed the chance, just so she could live her life with him.

Timeline: Dark Ritual/The Final Battle

Warning: Light Sexual themes

Author's Note: Second part to the story, now in Elissa's version

'The Light is the Brightest'

Elissa's POV – Part B

Elissa looked at her book, not seeing the words. She was worried. It was expected but it gnawed at her. Had she done the right thing?

Maker knew how much Alistair and Morrigan despised each other.

She loved Alistair. She lost her family and when she wasn't looking, she found Alistair, someone who brightened her day. The thought of losing him...Her heart tightened and she pulled her legs closer to her chest.

When Riordan told them of the sacrifice required to take down the Archdemon, she had felt her breath leave her. Terror gripped her heart and she wondered if they were ever going to stop sacrificing.

Her family. His brother. Their child.

She turned the page of her book, still not reading but needing to do something with her hands.

Alistair was with Morrigan right now and she hoped they weren't killing each other. When Morrigan had approached her, telling her of the ritual that was a loophole, she had her own reservations.

Not that she did not trust Morrigan, but it was the ritual itself. She knew it would result in Morrigan having Alistair's child.. She was confused how she was feeling about it, a part of her knows she should be upset but she was finding it hard to resent a young child.

Another part of her was worried. Alistair was the only man she had slept with, and he told her that he was the only woman he had been with. Now he was going to be with Morrigan. She wondered if he would compare them and it made her feel...lacking.

Morrigan had shared stories of the men she had slept with. To Morrigan, it was fun, she was not into love and feelings; it was just lust and an itch to be scratched. So she knew that was not as a big deal to Morrigan as it was to her and Alistair.

She worried her bottom lip, remembering Alistair's look when she told him of Morrigan's proposal. She thought he was going to refuse her and walk away. But he had listened to her and agreed to meet with Morrigan.

When she left the room, she looked back to see Alistair was watching her and she wondered if she going to lose a part of him before the night was over.

Shaking her head, she shook the thoughts away. She couldn't afford to think like that, she needed to keep her wits.

Her hand went to her braid, gently stroking it as she sighed. It had been a long day, and its looking to be an even longer night.

She missed it when it had been normal days. Well, as normal as her day could get while they were out in the camp.

What had taken it longer had been the slavers in the Alienage. They had spread the rumour of a plague, causing the place to be locked down and the elves were being taken out without anyone outside any the wiser (that if they even cared).

It made her stomach turn when she remembered seeing the elves in the cages, begging to be let out. They assured her that they were free of any plague – that it had all been a lie. She had let them out, letting them go back to their families.

They made their way in deeper in to the estate and discovered the blood mage. She was beginning to get fed up with blood mages. Finding out that Loghain had allowed the slavery of the elves had been a sore point for her and Alistair.

Eamon had been delighted with the evidence but she had her doubts, talking it over with Alistair revealed he shared the same doubts and both of them had spoke to Anora regarding the events.

Of course, this had led to Eamon being  _furious_  with her regarding the Landsmeet but she could not find it in herself to care about him. She cared about Alistair and only Alistair. That was something the old man would have to get used to while he liked it or not.

She groaned, trying to refocused her gaze on her book. She needed to stay focused. She needed to stop thinking. She inwardly scoffed to herself. She never stopped thinking. That was one of her flaws. She just couldn't stop thinking, always had to over-think and analyse everything.

"Elissa." She came out of her thoughts and turned to see him standing at the door. Relief crashed through her. He looked unharmed, uncomfortable but unharmed.

She placed her book to the side, rising from their bed and walking toward the end, curling her hand around the post.

"I drew you a bath." She hoped it was still warm. She had filled it up and set some fire runes underneath the stones to keep the water warm, but she had no idea how long he would have been gone for.

He sighed, walking toward her with love in his eyes and she felt her heart leap.

"I would kiss you right now." Desire made her knees weak, "But I really need to feel clean first." She gave him a smile, unsure of his comment before she watched him move into the bathing room.

She wondered if she should follow him, to see if he was okay but at the same time, she was unsure before she scoffed at herself.

Squaring her shoulders, she went into the bathing room to see Alistair was already in the bath and was scrubbing furiously. Concern shot through her as she reached his side, kneeling and reached out to stop him.

"Alistair." His head snapped up, startled. "You will rub yourself raw." She gently took the cloth from his hand.

"I can't help it," he muttered as she lifted the cloth to his shoulder, rubbing him down. Looking at his face indicated there was more to it. She took one of his arm, slowly rubbing the cloth.

"Was it that bad?" did she sound hopeful?

"It was...humiliating," he admitted. She frowned as she took his other arm; that wasn't what she thought she was going to hear. "We are not exactly best friends." she had to laugh.

" _That_  I know," she assured him, giving him a amused look. "Was she really horrible?"

"It was difficult!" he burst out, startling her. "I had to keep imagining... _you_." The last part came out as a whisper, stunning her.

He imagined her while he was with Morrigan? She cleared her throat, resuming her ministrations, trying to come up with something.

"Well...that's..."  _Wonderful? I am glad you didn't enjoy sex with her? Amazing of you?_  She wrinkled her nose. "I honestly have no idea what to say to that because everything I can think up just sounds...wrong." He just huffed.

"It certainly wasn't enjoyable." She nodded as she continued to wash him, wondering what she could say to make up for what he had been through.

However, a part of her was delighted that he did not enjoy himself with another woman.

"Well, at least is it over with," she told him. He stiffened under her touch as a flush started up.

"I...er...it might not have...worked," he muttered and she stopped, looking at him confused. What did he mean by that? How could it might not have worked in getting Morrigan pregnant?

"What do you mean?" he sunk lower in his bath. "Alistair."

"I couldn't get it up." She frowned. What did he mean by that? Whenever they were intimate, there was no problem. He was more than-

"Oh!" Understanding dawned on her as she felt her cheeks heat up, turning her head away as a shy smile crossed her lips.

"And it didn't help she kept talking." She giggled, looking at him again.

"So?" She was curious to what he did.

"Maker's breath-" He sounded so exasperated, "I had to use my hand." He was blushing – he was adorable when he blushed. "Then I sort of  _in-finish-out_."

She stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out his last words when it dawned on her and she blushed even harder. He didn't...

"Are you serious?" she really needed to know. He blinked at her – where did his thoughts go – before he scowled.

"I could barely keep it up long enough, Elissa. I had to do something or I was going to be there all night."

She just stared at him before relief crashed through her and she started laughing, covering her mouth. She could see him looking awkward as he slunk down further in his bath but she couldn't stop her laughter.

After a moment, she managed to take a deep breath.

"I am sorry," she cleared her throat but a giggle slipped free and she closed her eyes. "I am so sorry, I know I should not be laughing, not with our lives at risk but it is just-" she turned away as her laugher faded. She was stupid.

"You'd thought I'd enjoy her company," he voiced her fears out loud. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to see his reaction so he took her chin, turning her face to him. "Hey, look at me."

She slowly opened her eyes and saw the understanding in his brown ones. He sighed, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. "Why?" she shrugged and he got annoyed, tilting his head and giving her that sigh. She bit her bottom lip.

"She is more experienced," she voiced her fears and he scoffed before he pulled her in, kissing her deeply. She gasped, her hands going to his shoulders for support, her nails digging into his skin.

It took a moment for her to melt into the kiss, one of her hand sliding into his hair as he took her other one, taking it underwater where she felt his proof of arousal and pulled away to look at him.

His eyes were dark, his pupils wide with his lips dark. He licked her lips and she moaned, her fingers curling around him. She loved the feel of him.

"I love you and you're the only one who had ever inspired this kind of reaction in me," he whispered. She smiled shyly. Even after all the times they had been intimate, she still found herself surprised and shy.

He kissed her again, causing her to gasp into his mouth before she moaned. He teased her with soft slow closed mouth kisses. Her upper lip then her bottom lip, gently tugging at it. She whimpered, her hand shifting as she tried to move in closer to him

She ran her thumb around him, eliciting a hiss from him.  _He liked that_.

"I want you," she whispered against his lips. Her desire was running rampart, this was maybe their last night and she wanted to be with with him, wanted to love him.

He pulled away from her, taking her hand off him when she tried to tighten her grip. He pushed himself up, pulling her up as he did and her eyes roamed over his body, water dripping and she pressed her thighs together.

She met his gaze and gave him a smile.

"Are you clean enough?" she heard herself asking and he grinned, ripping her night-shift in the middle then pulled her up against his body. She gasped, her arms going around his neck as he picked her up by her thighs.

She tightened her legs around his waist as he walked them over to the wall, pressing her up against it. He took one of her hand, interlacing their fingers and she rubbed herself against him.

"We might need another bath," he told her in between kisses and she had to laugh. She pulled her head back, drawing one of his fingers into her mouth. She sucked him softly then pulled away, being careful as she used her teeth. He rubbed against her and she tightened her hand around the back of his neck.

"I'll just  _lick_  you clean," she kissed the tip of his finger before he kissed her deeply, his other hand tangling in her hair.

He was amazing, a tease, and he was hers.

~_TLITB_~

Elissa was the first one to wake up, the dread in her stomach insistent and when she saw Alistair lying there, it dawned on her. It was time to face the Archdemon.

She sighed, biting her lower lip as she watch him sleeping. His expression was peaceful and she touched his face gently, needing to touch him without him waking up.

Her eyes wandered lower and she blushed when she spotted the scratches, the bite and the love marks. She still could not believe how wild she could get when it came to Alistair. He just invoked that kind of reaction in her.

She looked at his face again before she leaned over, kissing his cheek softly before she slowly slipped out of bed to avoid wakening him.

It was time, they were going to battle. She headed into the bathing room, stopping short when she spotted her reflection in the looking-glass and noticed, with surprised, that she had a bite mark on her shoulder.

When had he bit her?!

There was also love marks over her chest and she noticed that she had some scratch marks on her lower back. She washed gingerly before she slipped into her armour, pulling her hair back into it's usual bun then looked back into the glass.

She looked like a fighter. She smiled wryly. She had always wanted to fight, to go to battle, to prove herself. Now – she had the chance. She had the chance to prove her worth.

She laughed bitterly. How many times had she looked at her reflection wishing she could see someone other than a noble girl who was doomed to be married off to someone she did not love? To have children she did not want?

Now – she was in love. She looked at Alistair's sleeping from over her shoulder in the glass and smiled. She hadn't even been looking for love when she bumped into him and fell, hard and fast for the man who liked to make jokes.

She looked at her reflection again. She was going to make it. Alistair was going to live and they were going to make their mark on the world.

They had a chance and she wasn't going to let anyone destroy that.

With that, she left the bathing room, glancing at Alistair once more before she exited the bedroom in time to see Morrigan was already making her way down the hallway.

"Morrigan." The witch turned, looking at her with a wary expression as Elissa walked over to her. "Can we talk?" Morrigan seemed uncertain before she gave Elissa a short nod. "Follow me." She led the way in the library, knowing it would be empty.

Once they entered, she turned to look at Morrigan and saw that Morrigan was looking any where but her and she smiled ruefully. "Alistair told me." The look on the witch's face was nearly enough to make her laugh again but she managed to hold it back. "I just wanted to say that I am sorry-" she paused, wrinkling her nose, "Well, I am not sorry but I am sorry-"

"I get it," Morrigan held up a hand and Elissa cleared her throat before she sighed.

"Thank you." That got Morrigan's attention. "I know you and Alistair do not care for each other but," she took Morrigan's hand in hers, "Thank you. For giving us this chance. I know it may not have worked but without it, we would never have even had a chance."

"Elissa-" Morrigan shook her head.

"You have been a really good friend, Morrigan." Elissa smiled. "Sister, almost." Tears were in the witch's eyes. "And I want you to know that I will always have your back, no matter where you go and how far you are. I want you to know that you can count on me to be there for you, no matter what. You and your child."

"You...you would do that?" Elissa laughed softly at her bewildered expression.

"Morrigan, the child is a part of Alistair. How could I not? Beside...do you think you are ready to have a child that may or may not inherit Alistair's love for cheese?" The look on Morrigan's face told Elissa everything she needed to know.

"Now I am sincerely wishing Alistair had known about the Archdemon before he killed Loghain." Elissa had to laugh, pulling the startled witch into a hard hug.

Morrigan stiffened, Elissa knew she was not used to the customs Ferelden employed so she started to pull away only for Morrigan to wrap her arms around her. She smiled, delighted.

"I will be leaving after the battle," Morrigan whispered and her smile faded. "I cannot stay here."

Elissa swallowed before she pulled away, still keeping Morrigan in her embrace, so she could look at her best friend in the face. Tears were in the witch's eyes and understanding dawned on her and Elissa nodded.

"I know you will not want me to come after you, and I will not," she assured Morrigan. "But just...stay safe, Morrigan."

"I will," she promised Elissa. Elissa smiled brightly, even as tears filled her eyes.

"I love you, sister." Morrigan rolled her eyes but Elissa could see the smile fighting her stern lips.

"I love you too," she grudgingly admitted.

Elissa smiled, tilting her head. "Was that so hard?"

"Alistair has not fallen over dead in shock yet so I guess we are safe."

"You two are so evil to each other."

"I know." They hugged again.

~_TLITB_~

"Alistair, Shale and Morrigan will come with me. Sten and Oghren will lead the forces here," Elissa have them her last orders and her gut coiled with tension.

They were in Denerim and it looked like a battlefield, a far cry from the bustling town it had been a few days ago. Bodies of the Darkspawn were strewn all over the place.

"Sound like a fine team," Riordan told her. Her lips felt shaky when she gave him a smile. "I'll scout ahead and see if we can find some way to bring the Archdemon down." She nodded, her palms sweating inside her gloves. "Best of luck to you, sister."

Pain lurched through her heart. It had been a year and she had still not found any trace of her brother. She was beginning to lose hope. She swallowed back the lump in her throat.

"So, you got us this far," Sten's voice broke into her thoughts and she turned to face him with a smile.

"Thank you, Sten," She told him. "For helping us."

"Nay Kadan, thank you." He clapped a hand on her shoulder. "I shall not look for you on the battlefield."

"Nor shall I you," she told him and he gave her a sad nod of understanding before he moved away, ready to take up his position.

She turned to see Leliana give Alistair a kiss on the cheek, arching an eyebrow in amusement. Alistair rolled his eyes in her direction and she laughed as Leliana hugged her. She emabraced the bard, holding her close.

"So, I am not coming with you," Leliana whispered and Elissa shook her head.

"No, I need you here with them. The boys are good but we both know you're better." Leliana laughed as she pulled away, cupping Elissa's face.

"Stay safe, and I'll see you after this." Elissa nodded before both of them kissed the other's cheek and Leliana pulled away so Wynne could stand in front of Elissa.

"I am so proud of you," Wynne told her and Elissa felt tears come to her eyes. The last time she heard that, it had been from her mother. "I am so grateful you gave me the chance to come with you, and I am so proud to have known you."

"Thank you for coming with me, Wynne." She leaned in, hugging the older woman. Wynne hugged her back and Elissa closed her eyes.

"You have been like a daughter to me," Wynne pulled away, cupping her cheek. "And I am so glad to see Alistair put a smile on your face." Elissa laughed as Wynne kissed her forehead. "Prove to the world the heroes you two are. For you two are already my heroes."

Elissa pulled away, urging Wynne away out of fear that she would start crying. Wynne just gave her a knowing smile as she walked away.

"So nice of you," Zevran started as he stood in front of Elissa, "To leave me behind while you go and take down the dragon. Lovely friends you two are." Elissa laughed.

"You have been a true friend – despite our first meeting," She grinned devilishly and Zevran bowed.

"I always did like to impress," He told her, straightening, and was startled she pulled him into a hug.

"Thank you for convincing me to keep you around." She kissed his cheek and Zevran blushed. She pulled back, amused, as he waved her off.

"It was my pleasure, my dear. Now you tell that Archdemon to write, they do like to forget these days." She smiled. "And do take care of our Prince, would you? He is such a deletable sight that I would mourn the loss if something were to happen." She snorted, hiding her laugher behind her hand as she pushed Zevran away. He winked, walking away.

"You got us this far, now it's time to end this," Oghren said as he came to a stop in front of her. He was wearing his helmet that she tilted her head, concerned. "You...I...you have been a good friend to me. I just wanted to let you know that."

A smile crossed her lips as her heart warmed. Oghren was never good with words.

"You have been a good friend too, Oghren." She patted his shoulder. "Now, lets show them our hearts-"

"And we'll show them theirs!" He finished with a firm nod before he left. She watched him go with a fond look before Shale stood in front of her.

"You are taking me with you." Elissa smiled. It had been a long slow road for the two of them. However, she was glad that took the chance on activating Shale.

"I thought you wouldn't mind helping us take down the Archdemon. You do like the bigger things."

"Oh, I do, don't I!" Shale seemed to be smiling. "I am grateful you activated me," Shale admitted and Elissa nodded. "Now, let us squish some heads." She walked away as Elissa watched as Morrigan stood in front of her.

"I...live gloriously," Morrigan told her, taking one of her hand. "We have a chance." Elissa nodded, squeezing her hand before Morrigan pulled away and Elissa moved in closer to Alistair just as her hound stood before them.

Damon had been her partner in everything. It felt wrong not to take him with her in the final battle but fear overruled her. She had already lost too much of her family that she could not risk her dog.

Damon whimpered. He knew and her heart broke.

"Sorry boy, not this time." She rubbed his head, getting a lick. "I need you to stay here and make sure you will keep them safe." He barked.

"Don't worry, we'll be back before you know it," Alistair told him, rubbing his head and getting a whine in return. "We'll see about bringing back a dragon bone."

"Alistair!" she scolded as Damon barked happily, bouncing in front of them as she shook her head at her lover. Did he not remember the time they went up against the High Dragon at Haven? Damon had tried to make off with one of the large bones only to get stuck at the door as it would not fit.

 _He_  had been the one laughing his head off at the sight.

"So," he turned to face her. "This is it."

She grabbed his breastplate, pulling him down for a kiss. She felt him smile into the kiss when she heard the groans and barks from her companions. His hands rested on her hips as she pulled away, looking up into his face.

"I love you." He smiled softly, stroking her cheek.

"And I love you. Always." He kissed her again before they stepped away from each other and faced their companions. It was time to take back the future and kill themselves an Archdemon.

~_TLITB_~

The Archdemon roared as it landed on its side after Morrigan slammed it with Lightning. Her blood was pounding in her ears, her strength was leaving her. She had caught Alistair flagging – he had been slow in raising his shield, narrowly blocking the blow.

She saw Morrigan throw a lyrium glass at the Darkspawn after drinking it, setting it on fire. She was running low on her mana. Shale was trying her hardest to keep the Darkspawn on her and off them.

They needed to move. The Archdemon was down, it was their only chance and she went to push herself into a run when she felt a hand grab her arm, spinning her around to meet Alistair's face.

"Alistair-"

"I'm sorry." He kissed her before shoving her toward Morrigan, catching them both off guard as he spun around and ran toward the Archdemon, grabbing his sword from the Darkspawn body.

The Archdemon roared, trying to get back onto it's feet and he sliced the sword across the neck before it let out a screech, it's head dropping down in pain as he twirled his sword and slammed it into the head.

"Alistair!" Elissa screamed as Morrigan held her back; both of them were still on the ground. Alistair suddenly let out a roar of pain as lightning crackled between him and the Archdemon. "NO!" She couldn't lose him, not to this, not after they have come so far. "Alistair!"

She managed to break free of Morrigan's grasp, pulling herself to her feet and started running toward him. He was in pain, his back was arching, his fingers clutching onto the hilt of his sword as he tried to fight it when there was a explosion.

The blast threw her off her feet and she found herself staring up at the night sky, dazed. The light erupted in the sky before it dissipated and she sat up to see Alistair just lying there.

"No," she shook her head, crawling toward him. Her body hurt but she couldn't stop. She needed to touch him, to check that he was still alive.

She couldn't lose anyone else. "Alistair," she whispered, gently touching his face. He was still, so still, before he suddenly coughed and she let out a breathless laugh. His breathing was laboured as Morrigan knelt down next to them, her hand already glowing with healing powers.

"We need to get him down," Morrigan told her. "We need Wynne. I am too low on Mana to keep up the healing spell." Elissa nodded.

The doors suddenly burst open and they turned to see Wynne was already making her way to them, her hands glowing with healing magic and relief crashed through her.

"We were already on our way up after we cleared the Darkspawn," Leliana explained as she slowly pulled Elissa up. Zevran was holding Morrigan.

"Downstairs, need him downstairs," Morrigan told them before she passed out.

"Look after him," Elissa begged Wynne before she felt the darkness take her. It was over.

~_TLITB_~

Elissa was in the library, browsing the books on the shelves when she heard the sound of footsteps. She turned to see Morrigan walking past, her pack on her back and her staff in hand.

Elissa hurried out of the library, needing to catch Morrigan.

"You are leaving," Elissa said. Morrigan stopped in place before she sighed and turned around. Elissa smiled sadly as she stepped forward. "Are you going to be okay?"

Morrigan gave her a smile as she stepped forward, taking Elissa's hands.

"I will be fine," she promised.

"You say that." Elissa worried her bottom lip. Both of them stared at each other before Morrigan let go of one hand, going to her pocket before she pulled it out again.

"Here," she held up a simple gold ring and Elissa tilted her head curious to what Morrigan was doing. "This ring is magical. If you have it on you, I will know how you are feeling." Elissa's eyes snapped up to meet Morrigan's. "I have another ring, which I will wear so you know that I am safe."

"Really?" Elissa asked as she took the ring, rubbing her thumb over the band. Morrigan nodded.

"I know you, Elissa. You will worry about me so this is a peace of mind I can give you."

"I...thank you," she whispered.

"And if you ever need me, know I will be at your side," Morrigan promised. Elissa felt tears fill her eyes before she pulled Morrigan into a hard hug. The other woman faltered for a moment before she slowly returned the hug.

"Just stay safe, please," Elissa nearly begged. "I...I cannot lose you."

"I will do my best," Morrigan whispered and Elissa nodded, knowing that was the best Morrigan could give her. She pulled away, wiping her tears as she laughed gently before cupping the side of Morrigan's face.

"I love you." Morrigan's own tears fell as she smiled back, cupping Elissa's face before she leaned in, resting their forehead together.

"I love you too." She lifted her head, kissing Elissa's forehead before she pulled away completely and walked out of the estate with Elissa watching her go, clutching the ring to her chest.

It was for the best, it would keep Morrigan safe. But it did not stop her heart from breaking at the loss of a woman she had come to see as a sister.

Elissa shook in a shuddering breath as she turned to go back to the library when she spotted Eamon standing in a doorway and narrowed her eyes at his accusing glare. He had been annoyed with her ever since the Landsmeet and she was in no mood to deal with his pompous attitude.

Shooting him a glare, she walked down the hallway to the library so she could get back to Alistair's side. Wynne assured her that Alistair was due to wake up and she wanted to be there for him the moment he did.

~_TLITB_~

Elissa hummed under her breath as she flipped a page of her book, stroking the back of Alistair's hand as she did. He was warmer, his breathing no longer laboured and it soothed her heart, eased her worries.

Fingers curled around hers and she stopped, her heart beating fast as she turned to see Alistair was slowly opening his eyes. Once they met hers, she smiled brightly.

"Hey," he greeted and she laughed – that was just like him – before she leaned in, kissing him. "Hey." He turned his head, "Morning breath." She giggled – he had been knocked out cold this whole time and he was worried about his morning breath? She turned his face back to meet hers and kissed him again.

He let out a sound of shock before she pulled away, rubbing her nose against his before looking into his eyes.

"I do not care." He was awake, he was alive; that was what mattered to her. He reached up, cupping her face and she leaned into his touch and leaned back down. "I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too." He kissed her. They had time.

~_TLITB_~

She smoothed down the skirt of her dress. Eamon had been insistent that she was to wear a dress but all the dresses he and Isolde had placed on her bed had been ugly. Not even her own mother would have seen her dressed in them.

Thankfully Leliana had come to the rescue with a simple dark blue heavy velvet with light blue silk dress. She had refused to wear shoes, opting for her knee-high boots and she had strapped on her dagger sheaths at her thighs. She felt safe and she would be damned if she went anywhere unprotected.

She spotted Alistair standing off to the alcove, dressed smartly in dark red velvet jacket with gold trim, a cream shirt and dark brown breeches.

Alistair smiled, gesturing to him and she eagerly walked over to him, wanting to get away from the people. She had already spoken to everyone and needed the breather.

She reached him, taking his outstretched hand and laughed with delight as he twirled her under his arm, pressing her up against him. She reached up onto tip-toes, kissing him.

"Hiding, are we?" She asked. He tugged on a lock that had escaped her elaborate bun that had taken Leliana a while to do.

"Decided that I should stay out of eye-sight for a while." He winked. She giggled, leaning and resting her head on his chest as she breathed in his scent, enjoying his kiss in her hair. It was over, the Darkspawn returned to the Deep Road and for the first time in a year, they could breath.

He pulled away causing her to look up at him, startled when he took a deep breath and knelt before her.

Her lips parted, her eyes widening as her heart thudded. What-

He held a ring up between them. Wade had created it – she recognised the smith-man's work. Silver and gold vines acted as a band, the red diamond cut into the shape of a rose – tears pricked her eyes – with silver leaves decorating the band.

"Elissa Marie Cousland," She narrowed her eyes at him, she had never told him of her middle name. "Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" Tears filled her eyes at the look on his face. There was a slight doubt, like she would ever say not.

"Yes," she nodded. Alistair slipped the ring onto her finger, kissed the back of her hand before he stood up, sweeping her into a hard hug. She clung to him before squealing as he spun them around, laughing.

He then dropped her to her feet before pulling her into a hard kiss.

"I love you," she told him between kisses.

"I love you too." He kissed her deeply before pulling away, hugging her when she spotted a familiar face over his shoulder. She stiffened, hope and fear warring inside of her when Alistair pulled away from her, allowing her to see the man clearly.

His face was drawn, he looked so tired, so old yet his hair was the same. His dark green eyes sparkled back at her.

"Fergus!" She broke free from Alistair's embrace, throwing herself into her brother's arms. He hugged her tightly and her closed her eyes as tears slipped free. He was still alive, she still had her brother.

Fergus pulled away, cupping her cheek and she leaned into his touch before his eyes went over her shoulder and she knew who he was looking at her. She turned, holding out her hand to Alistair, who was watching them with a small smile.

He took it, allowing her to pull him in and she looked up at her brother, who arched an eyebrow, amusement flickering in his green eyes.

"Alistair, this is my brother." Alistair kissed her forehead.

"Alistair," he held out his hand and she held her breath as Fergus regarded Alistair before he took his hand and relief washed over her. Fergus cast her a side-glance, a wry smile crossing his face.

"I did say you would find a man who would one day handle you, little sister." She laughed, the memory coming to the forefront. She had doubted her brother yet he knew better.

"I fear Elissa is the one handling me," Alistair spoke up and she felt her cheeks heat up as Fergus arched an eyebrow. "I didn't mean-that's not-"

"It is okay," She assured Alistair, tugging on his hand to stop him from digging himself in deeper. Alistair just groaned, rubbing his eyes as she shook her head then looked at Fergus. "Alistair and I – we take care of each other."

Fergus looked between them then smiled as he looked at her.

"I am happy for you, little sister." He glanced at Alistair. "He seems like a good man." Alistair probably did not know it but Fergus had just given them his approval and her heart swelled with happiness.

She saw the tip of Alistair's ears pinked as he rubbed the back of his neck before she turned to Fergus, holding up her hand.

"We are getting married," she told him. He stared at the ring for a moment before he burst out laughing and she felt embarrassed, remembering all the time she had refused to even entertain the idea of having a man let alone get married.

Fergus took her hand in his, admiring the ring and she could see he was impressed with the workmanship.

"If mother saw you right now, she would have fainted with shock," he teased her. She wiped her hand over her cheek. He was right on that and it made her heart hurt a little that her mother would not get to see her wedding. "I never thought I would see the day."

"Shut up," she hissed. He laughed, letting her hand go and crossing his arms. That devilish glint appeared in his eyes and she suddenly felt wary.

"Oh, I do not think so little sister. It is my turn to have fun." He looked at Alistair, who cocked his head. "Did she ever tell you about the time she climbed a tree-"

" _Shut up!_ " she squealed, stepping in between the two important men in her life, saving her hands in Fergus' face as she tried to cover his mouth from saying anything else.

Fergus just laughed as he dodged her attempts.

"I am proud of you little sister," Fergus suddenly said, halting her movement as she stared up at him. "You did a good job. Our parents would have been proud of you."

"You think so?" she asked, her voice low. He smiled, kissing her forehead and she closed her eyes.

"I know so." She looked up at him, knowing that he knew of Oren and Oriana's death.

"I killed him." Her voice was dark. Fergus nodded, his own eyes were dark.

"Good." His voice was equally dark. He looked at Alistair. "Thank you, for being there when Elissa needed you." Alistair was silent that she turned to see him looking unsure. "And welcome to the family, Alistair. I think you are going to fit right in."

The look on his face broke her heart. She knew how much he wanted a family and she was glad that Fergus had opened his arms and allowed Alistair in.

"Really?" She heard Alistair ask and she smiled softly as he looked between the two of them.

"You know, the people want to see their heroes." Fergus thumbed the doors over his shoulder.

Elissa looked at Alistair then looked back at Fergus, who smiled softly with understanding. "Take your time, I have a feeling they will not be leaving any time soon." He winked at Elissa before stepping away, giving them space.

She worried her lower lip, nervousness washing through her as she stared at the doors.

"Hey." Alistair cupped her cheek, turning her to face him and pulled her bottom lip free, stroking it. She smiled at his touch, looking up at him. "I'm the only one who is allowed to bite your lip."

She had to laugh before she kissed his thumb

"Come on, let's see the people." He gave her a nod as their hands met, fingers interlacing as they walked over to the doors.

The guards bowed at the waist before they opened the doors to reveal the sunlight and the voices of the Crowd as excitement rose.

They took a deep breath and stepped out onto the balcony that allowed them to see the people. They all cheered, clapping and Elissa squeezed his hand while lifting her free one to wave at the people.

She wondered at their luck once more – what would it have been like if she and Alistair had not survived Ostagar?

Elissa turned to look at him, enjoying the way the sunlight played off his features. He turned to face her.

"So...what's next?" Alistair asked before he kissed the back of her hand and she grinned mischievously.

"Getting you into bed to celebrate – then tell the Grey Wardens to kindly fuck off." He laughed as he pulled her into a kiss.

For the moment – they had their happy ending and if they had their way, they would keep it.

The End (Part B)

Gah – I love my Cousland/Morrigan friendship.

Okay – this was probably unconventional (since when I was conventional in this story anyway?) since I have noticed that people tend to have their Warden upset over Morrigan having Alistair's child but I had always thought my Cousland was more accepting because she and Morrigan were best friends (almost sisters) and Morrigan had told her that she did not want to see Cousland die.

So I am hoping this is how it came across.

And it's finished! *Yay!*

And if you wish to read more of Alistair/Elissa Cousland – check out 'The Trouble That Follows' once I have posted it.

It will be a series of One-Shot which a bunch of Multi-chaptered side stories under a different name following the series. (It will contain different pairings for each chapter)`

Thanks to Pervinca for Betaing!


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